Ok I have an acquaintance, he travels all over the world.
He is married, but has ALWAYS had a thing for me, and made it known to me about six months ago when a group of us were drinking.
I like him a lot and he is a lot of laughs, and yes the attention is nice; since I broke up with my totally selfish and arrogant bf right shortly after the night this friend had told me his feelings (my bf was on the phone being a total jerk and my friend said he would not treat me like that) but I KNOW this is wrong! Note, I did not break up with bf because of the comments, the realtionship was at the end anyways and that night was the icing on the cake!
So my friend asked to meet for a drink next time he is in town.....I should say no, right? Or CAN I actually enjoy the attention and get a little fluff to my ego and BE GOOD (I do not find him attractive that way, but I know from experience that can change the more you get to know someone.)
Ok, let me have it :)
2007-03-27 05:03:21 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
"I KNOW this is wrong!"
"I should say no, right?"
"CAN I actually enjoy the attention and get a little fluff to my ego"
That about sums it up. What are you really asking for? You aren't asking because you don't know what the right thing is to do. You're not asking for opinions or feedback on whether this course of action is wise. If you are looking for permission, you aren't likely to get it. Anyway, no one can give you permission. You are the only one that can. You are the only one that will live with the consequences. The people here that give you permission to do so have absolutely no stake in your life. They don't have to live with the consequences of giving you advice that could potentially hurt you or others. Keep that in mind when you ask for permission.
Meeting him for a drink is only OK if both you and him are OK with his wife being present. Is she? I suspect not. If it isn't, then this is the start of the road to emotional adultery.
(1) What do you want from him? If you just want his attention to fluff your ego at his expense, then so be it. You are basically using a man as a disposable tool to boost your ego and in the process being disrespectful to another woman. If you are OK doing that, there's nothing other people can tell you that will change that.
(2) If you have a hope for eventual relationship, which you are, you may want consider the following: if he can't hold true to his vows to his wife, what makes you think that he will hold true to you in the event that you two do end up in a relationship? What makes you think at all that he is willing to leave his wife for you? Are YOU being played like a toy for him to boost his ego? Are you OK with that? Are you really going to feel your ego fluffed if you find out that he is just using you to boost his ego and get a good f*** once in a while?
Like I said before, I and anyone else here aren't telling you anything you don't already know. I will bet that you will get a long list of people telling you to not do it. Are you seriously going to heed their advice given that you already know what the right thing to do is? Or are you going to fish out the few voices that say go for it and do it anyway?
2007-03-27 05:31:21 · answer #1 · answered by Elisa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok
Even if you did want to become involved with your friend, this would only be a rebound thing anyway, so it wouldn't work out in the long run.
Go out with him, let him spoil you, let him boost your confidence and make you feel good again! You deserve it after having an a$$hole of a boyfriend.
Just don't get emotionally attatched, and make sure you both know where you stand, as these situations can get a bit tricky. especially with him being married, that is NOT a road you wanna go down! He sounds like someone who just likes a bit of fun every now and then, keeps things alove, so I doubt you would have to worry about things becoming too serious. I don't condone adultery, but that's his worry.
This is the best way, in my experience, to get yourself over an ex boyfriend and help you to move on, and get back on your feet. He sounds like alot of fun and that's what you need temporarily. laughter is the best cure.
2007-03-27 12:16:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a feeling that there is a brewing sexual attraction between you and this man. It has a potential to be "explosive" and "passionate" as much as I can describe it. BUT like you said, it is wrong because in the first place, he is married. If it's okay for your ego to be branded a homewrecker, you may proceed. But if you take it maturely, please refuse his advances and end it before your relationship develops. As for your relationship with your bf, if it's beyond repair, you might as well end it for the benefit of you two. BUT don't make this end an excuse to have a relationship with the married friend. There will always be someone who deserves you more who is more legally available. I hope my advice is not too late.
2007-03-27 12:13:32 · answer #3 · answered by Mary Josette 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For your sake...NO, you shouldn't meet him. Especially if you don't find him appealing (he certainly finds you attractive and probably wants you)...which is easy...you don't like him like that and you shouldn't, so the answer is easy: stay away!
First off: it is not a good thing in the first place to get involved with a married man b/c the chances are he will never leave his wife and you will end up getting hurt (even if he does leave his wife and marries you, who's to say he won't do the same thing to you???)
Secondly: He is flattering you, NOT cos he's a nice guy (remember that), but b/c he's probably so desperate and really sexually deprived (he is married after all) that he will act or say anything you want to hear until he gets his way (I don't want to upset you or insult you say that what he says to you isn't true...it's just that it's so obvious that he's trying to seduce you!)...once he has you, all this will stop!
My advice: Stay away!
2007-03-27 12:14:31 · answer #4 · answered by Kat ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's married. You deserve to be the only one getting attention. Plus the day you get married you wouldn't want your husband cheating on you in any way. If you are looking for a boost in confidence go indulge yourself with a new look, whether it be a hairstyle and/or a new outfit, or a massage. Get dressed call a few friends (girls) and go out to a show a club etc. That way you can get attention from single guys. Best wishes.
2007-03-27 12:13:58 · answer #5 · answered by rencar32002 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong in going to have a drink with a friend, but if he wants to be more than friends you should tell him your not interested in that ... because your not ... right? I'm sure you don't want to be a homewrecker.
"but I know from experience that can change the more you get to know someone" ... yeah, that might happen, but don't let it happen. If you were married to him, I don't think you would be too happy if he was seeing some other woman.
2007-03-27 12:08:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that when someone is married, the answer is always no simply because that is a vow you take and give your word on. If he wants to be with you he needs to not be with her first. Even if it starts out as innocent, that can change very quickly, and you don't want that kind of drama anyways! Plus, does she even know that he is talking to you like this? Think of how she might feel! What if you were in her place? I think that he needs to be honest with her if he doesn't want to be with her anymore. Also, if he travels alot and is like this with you, he may be talking to a few other girls in other places too. Doesn't sound like he's such a faithful guy!
2007-03-27 12:11:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is something dirty that feels so wrong about even having a drink with a married man, but it is strangely a good feeling at the same time to know he would take such a risk to meet up for you. - a huge ego boost, and it's fun to kind of tease them about what they can't have.
It could be trouble, it could be fun, be prepared for either and definetly don't let your feelings get involved in this guy.......
2007-03-27 12:08:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheat always a cheat!!! If he is willing to cheat on his wife with you, then if you guys started anything (at all) then he would cheat on you as well!!! It id never a good idea to go after a married man or woman!!!
2007-03-27 12:08:23 · answer #9 · answered by chrihutch 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you think you can handle it without damaging his relationship, then go ahead, but be prepared to get burned, you are about to play with fire.
Just one thing, have you put yourself in his wife's shoes? How do you think she's going to feel, even if it's innocent? If you can handle all this, well, it's your life and i have the feeling you have already made up your mind.
2007-03-27 12:07:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋