Through my married years my husband has had ups and down with money matters. His mother has given him quite a bit of money through the years and so has his brother. Because my husband and I fought over money matters in the past we sort of separated and I had my own account and pretty much paid for all my own things. I feel that some family members feel that I should pay money to his family members that loaned him money. What do you think? Because one is married, does that mean that everything your mate does or doesn't do is a reflextion on you. I am very depressed at this time over this. I have never borrowed money that I have not paid back. I have worked hard my whole life and feel very hurt that some people think I am not entitled to my Fathers inheritance and should pay my husbands depts with it.
2007-03-27 04:57:29 · 18 answers · asked by Kathy B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If he always showed his money was your money, and everything was equal, then it would be nice of you to share some of the money with him. Was there a time he provided for you and didn't remind you of it constantly? Did he just do it out of love for you? Or was it you always cleaning up the messes he made. If you two made the debt together, then you should help pay it off. But if he made it on his own, and didn't always make everything equal, then do not give him a dime.
He should be responsible for his own problems, you are not supposed to save him, he needs to save himself.
2007-03-27 05:09:44 · answer #1 · answered by nymom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a true marriage you share everything including moneyand bills. Obviously you really don't care for him or you would.
That being said IF he got into this trouble before you were married or never ask how you felt about spending money that put you both in debt then maybe you should leave him and start over. How can you call it a marriage when you only pay your bills? The more I think about this question the weirder it sounds.. the right thing to do is pay, with a warning about future debts or divorce him and he'll get half anyways.. unless the will your father left was wriiten to prevent this which I doubt it is.
2007-03-27 12:07:18 · answer #2 · answered by gregory_usa83 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one because by the very virtue of marriage you are one and share everything...the goods, the bads. If it is a situation where he is not taking care of his family and is squandering all the money then you should be thinking about whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with rather than spend your money on. If its just he has ups and downs and hard times with money but is a good husband and family man then you should share whatever you have with him because thats what marriage is about and anyone who tells you different is just making excuses. It was the opposite with my marriage, she had debts from student loans and credit cards that came popping up after our marriage but we tackled them as a team and finally got everything under control.
2007-03-27 12:04:15 · answer #3 · answered by lookingwesttexas 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Depending on where you are from - inheritance is not considered community property. It is yours and yours alone. If your husband has spending/budgeting problems that you are not a part of - I don't think that you are responsible for his personal debts to his family. Unless of course these loans were used to help you both together regardless. Like, making a house note, you both live there and if someone loans you money for that, you both are responsible to see that it is repaid.
Make absoultely sure that the debt to his family is only his and not for the both of you. If the loans were to help you out communicatively, then you should be willing to repay.
2007-03-27 12:07:14 · answer #4 · answered by Denise D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you still married? I understand your frustration in this matter..But by helping him pay off his debt it will bring you and him to financial freedom? So you can stop fighting over money issues and get your marriage back on track? I believe if the marriage is salvageable if the money matters are resolved then that is what you should do for the sake of your marriage
2007-03-27 12:03:09 · answer #5 · answered by Bad Mood 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hang on to your inheritance and put it where your husband can't get it. If your father had wanted him to have it then he would have left it to him. He's already proven he can't handle money. Tell the people who loaned him money that you didn't sign a note and are not responsible; to get it from your husband. Don't give in to those creeps.
2007-03-27 12:42:47 · answer #6 · answered by Laredo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No and by the sound of it you may need it later. Keep your money and dump the leech. If your dad wanted him to have it he would have given it to him instead.Keep your own nest egg you not responsible to pay his debts with your inheritance. That is about the only thing that cannot be legally claimed by him because it belongs to you. I would be ashamed to ask my wife to pay my bills with her inheritance. Good Luck. P.S. Why is it that people like in2one, sbirdie7, bolt1,and kareni think women shouldn't have a dam thing of their own its her inheritance.
2007-03-27 12:19:58 · answer #7 · answered by Jack M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on the state you live in his debt may be yours too.
I would be resentful too if your story is as you have told it.
I might consider getting a legal seperation from your spouse if you do not want to be responsible for "his" debt.
You are in a sticky situation and I would be depressed too.
2007-03-27 12:07:17 · answer #8 · answered by Tiffany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married him for good and bad through rich and poor. It maens you take all his debt. If he got a lot of money you would want him to share with you. You chose him knowing he had debt. You need to pay it
2007-03-27 12:01:29 · answer #9 · answered by bolt1 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT pay your inlaws with your money!!! Use the money to get yourself ahead - maybe get a good home or something. Or put the money away where your hubby can't get it. Get legally divorced from your hubby to end the discussion! You can still date him after you're divorced.
2007-03-27 12:13:37 · answer #10 · answered by searching_please 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋