I come from the ghetto/poverty & drugs?

Question

i've been thru alot of rough & painful experiences all my life. the people i made close relationshps with are of the same background & they were all negative unhealthy experiences. now i'm a grown woman but can't shake the effects its had on me & who i see myself as being. i feel sorry for myself sometimes & like i'm not meant to be successful bcz the people i've been around all my life weren't successful. they've given up & are like "damaged goods". i don't want to be like that. i fight everyday to get thru. i'm tired of fighting. i want to be happy & i want to feel free of this "inner crap" that's within me. i also don't want to hear "don't be ashamed of where you come from, you made it thru & you are strong" - i'm sick of hearing that bcz i AM ashamed & sometimes i don't feel strong or i'm TIRED of being this "strong black woman" who "made it". i'm just having a hard time with what's inside of me and i want to cry but i dont want to cry, i want to feel better. what should i do?

Answer 1

Ebonygem,

Then what do you want from us? A pity party or something?

Hey look, you tell us what not to say. Only you have lived your experiences, only you truly know what an accomplishment you've truly made.

So what? Are you gonna sit there and feel sorry for yourself? The fact of the matter is, is that you are a success story by your own admission. And yes, I know its tough growing up like that. You have no idea what I've been through and most would consider me the picture of success.

If you are "tired" of being what you are, then I don't understand the reason for the post. You should be PROUD of yourself! Every one has an opportunity to make good and you did. And if the others didn't, well, its not too late, or maybe its not in the cards for them.

Release the inner crap. Its not benefiting anyone. Just elect to LET IT GO. That stuff is history! Its time to start living in the light...in the here and now.

Answer 2

Honey, first of all you should think of getting some professional therapy and get out all of that hurt. Everyone..and I mean everyone, has something that they are ashamed of in their lives. You can use adversity to your advantage...IF YOU WANT TO!!! OK, you didn't ask for that sort of upbringing; it wasn't your fault; it's what was given to you. So make it work for you. Take it & use that anger and frustration to do something for yourself and someone else in the same position. God/life gives us challenges that are meant to make us strong, not to keep going round and round and getting nowhere, beating yourself up. YOU are the most important thing now. YOU need to cry and nurture yourself; and it seems YOU are taking the right steps...you have an inner desire to use your experience. Now, please fall in love with yourself. You have absolutely nothing to give anyone else unless you love yourself first. Crying is God's gift; use it. Know you're not alone and others need your help. You have nothing to be shamed over if you use this life experience for good. If you don't use it...now that's a different story. Straight up...you can do this. Godloveya!!!

Answer 3

Listen,

Everyone has been through rough experiences. Everyone had their share of trauma some at different levels and degrees. Everyone had to overcome hard scenarios in life. To you, as you stated your experiences have been shameful, everyone has something they can be ashamed of!

You are no different than the CEO that is making the big bucks! He just stopped thinking about where he came from and embraced where he is going!

My suggestion: you know how when a kid gets a zit in the tip of their nose! They swear it is bigger than their face.... Same concept, stop dwelling on your past, and concentrate on your future. Go to a spirit filled church and praise God because you made it this far.

You may want to start keeping busy, keep your mind at work. Get healing from church. I don't trust therapists, they screwed me up once, never went back. Put your trust in God.

I don't know if you are a reader. But I recommend this book to you.... "Battlefield of the mind" - Joyce Meyer

It is very powerful and helpful!

God Bless you, and I hope you find peace of mind.

Answer 4

Don't listen to her, you don't need therapy. That will just make it worse. What you need is a change of scenery. My guess (and I may be wrong) is that you either still live in a place like you grew up in or still hang out with those who aren't doing things with their life and probably don't want to. Not to say those people are bad people (maybe their your good friends) but you need to do this for YOU, not them. Surround yourself with new people and ideas. Your a prisoner in your own mind. That does not mean you're in need of therapy, just in need of some direction. You also need to feel hope and love. Hopefully that doesn't seem too mushy but that's what I believe. Check Oprah's web site out and click on "The Secret" It will change the way you think about life, truly. I sincerely hope this helps and would not mind if you wrote back to tell me how its going for you. Good Luck and remember to be strong. Your childhood made you strong now use it.

Answer 5

I think you might be suffering from depression, which it can be down in the dumps, and make you fell rubbish all the time and want to cry, which you need therapy and councilling about, it may be hard, but you can get through this. You should never be ashamed of who you are because every woman and man is strong, the whole world is strong, and nothing should ever make you ashamed of who you really are

Answer 6

Do not feel bad because you want to cry. Cry anyway and let loose of those negative feelings. When I had my life of long hard times, the thing that got me turned around was when I changed the people that I hang around with. I started being around with successful people like a stock broker, nurses and doctors, business people that picked themselves out of the hard times they had themselves, and other professional people. That might be more difficult in a smaller community. When I started hanging around those kind of people, it changed the way I would approach things on my own, it also changed the way I was thinking to a more positive nature, and I was dwelling on my hard times of the past much less. I started looking forward and not so much backwards.

Answer 7

Okay, I have some idea what that is too.

First of all- It's all right to cry when you're hurt. Go ahead.

Next, I will tell you something you said you don't want to hear: Don't be ashamed. Sure, you've been hurt- and badly. And you will probably have to fight that all of your life. But you are your own, and it's up to you to decide what you want to do with you.

Since you need help dealing with these things, get it. I might even suggest that you check yourself into some kind of self-help camp for women.

Good luck, lots of it.

Answer 8

I think you should seek therapy, then start thinking about going to school and develping independance. It doesn't have to be a 4 year, a 2 year would be fine, just get some education and you will feel better about yourself. Stay away from poisonous people who can bring you down, or do bad things and start being on the straight and narrow path.

Answer 9

Have a good cry.. Then dust yourself off ,come up with a plan and just do it. Go to therepy it will help ..but bottom line it's only you that can make the changes needed...and it will be only you who will fail. You know what life can be if you don't make the positive changes in your life. We all have "inner crap" some over come it and some don't..it's your choice.

Answer 10

Be proud of who you are. I am sorta in the same situation. I grew up with 12 people in a shitty 2 bedroom apartment. I am 25 now, I have 2 university degrees, a good job, nice car, blah blah blah, but you know what I realize? It's not material things that make you happy. It's the friends.....I still have the "bad" friends in my life and I have "good" friends in my life....but you know what? It's the "bad" friends that always have my back, that if something were to happen they would help me right away.

I do't know what to tell you to feel better, but I think you're amazing.