How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm moving out?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend now for a a little over a year now. We moved in together unexpectedly last September only 7 months into our relationship. Before we moved in together our relationship was great, however after the move our relationship suffered ALOT!! Constant arguments, disputes, etc etc. So now I feel the need to move out and find my own place to live. While, I do NOT want to break up with him, I simply feel that I cant live with him at this point right now. I feel that we moved in wayyy too soon, without thinking about it and that we are still getting to know each other. So our lease ends in September and I have recieved an oppourtunity to have an apartment ready for me in August. How do I tell him that I am moving out? Ultimately, I feel that this is the best thing for our relationship, because I dont want it to end; and if it has to end I dont want it to happen in a BAD way (like him kicking me out or vice versa). Im not saying I wont be able to live with him in the....

future, because I do want to marry him someday, I just dont think that Im ready now. I think that we still have a lot of learning to do about each other.

So how do I explain to him without having him freakout. Keep in mind that the apartment for me will be availible August 1st and our lease is up September 1st.

Answer 1

You could take him out to dinner or a Sat lunch and tell him what you said here or just print that out and ask him to read it and ask what he thinks about it or simply say that's me. I love you but I think right now we both need to grow some and we can do it best living in different places. I'm suggesting that you do it out to eat siomply bec ppl react less dramatically in public places and he is less likely to just walk off and shut the door to his heart and feelings. You may find he feels the same way and hasn't known how to tell you. Or he may be very upset but if this isn't right for you it isn't. One interesting thing is that ppl whom live together before marriage have a greater likelihood of breaking up afterwards so these issues are not jusst something strange with you two.

Answer 2

This sounds similar to my life recently. ;-)
Just sit down and talk to your boyfriend and explain your concerns. Let him know you want to continue seeing him but that neither one of you have been happy with the current living situation. If he squaks, point to all the fights, arguments, etc. etc. Also remind him how great it was when you were living apart and how you'd like to get that connection back and the only way you can think of to do it is by moving back out.
Keep in mind that August and September are a few months down the road and the two of you may be able to work things out by then. I would be thinking of whether or not you'd be open to that and if so, what it would take to get you to that point and lastly, share these thoughts also with your boyfriend.

Answer 3

You answered your own question fabulously. You think that this is best for your relationship. You still love him and you don't want to break up. You need to tell him that you liked your relationship better before you moved out together and it is happening to fast for you and you really feel that you need a little bit of space between you so you can have a healthier relationship together.

Answer 4

You're making the right decision, I'm glad you didn't move after you were impregenated or something crazy, you've have obviously matured from the situation, now it's time for you to move on. I had a friend in the same situation and after they moved away from each other they still stayed together.

Answer 5

Just tell him you love him a lot but you think that you moved in together too soon. Tell him you are thinking about moving out in August.

Answer 6

I have to say: you just put it quite succinctly in your question. You addressed all your major concerns. Said you are still committed to the relationship.. etc etc.
Perhaps, print out your question and let him read it with you and then discuss it.
He may also be feeling similarly, especially if things were great before and your relationship is now suffering.
Best of luck to you.
xxoo

Answer 7

hmmm...toughy.....i would tell him exactly what you told us....show him what you wrote on here...let him read it. i got the feeling from it that you love him, you know you two still need to figure some stuff out and don't want to leave him and this is the solution you came up with....he may be upset that you didn't come to him for a solution though....maybe ask him what he thinks you two should do....but he will know that you still love him and want to be with him in the end. good luck. i hope it works out.

Answer 8

there is no easy way to express that feeling of moving out to your bf because moving in is a big step. just sit him down and tell him as simple as you can that your moving out if you dont feel that you can handle staying with him because of all these changes. if he is upset and seems as if your relationship is over he wasnt worth it anyway because your moving out for the sake of ya'lls relationship.

Answer 9

well, the 'needing space' and moving apart is essentially translating to 'its over' in a nicer way.. if you mean it or not...

you're in a tough situation... maybe suggest that when the lease is up that you get your own places near one another so you can continue to date and see one another while growning individually to benefit the relationship...

again, chances are that as a guy, it will translate to break up.

Answer 10

Put a fork in it, this relationship is done. You can't move out and expect things to go back to normal. You're probably going to drive him crazy by doing this and he's gonna become all needy and tell you that he can't live without you and whatnot, or he'll call you a skanky b*tch and think that you are cheating on him.