Damage to child?

Question

Yesterday I went to a friends house and she has a 14 year old daughter.Her husband(stepfather) started yelling at the girl because she did not want to get of the computer and she made a smart *** remark to him.She said later in the yell match that your not my father.He yelled well then ask your father to buy you a birthday present,or call,take you to school.Where is he?Now he knows thatthe child has difficulty coping with the fact that her father abadoned her.I told my friend that was a horrible display and that he scared her as she was crying and sobbing for her father.He does not think he did anything wrong nor does my friend.Am I overreacting or am I right to think that he is a first class creep.

Answer 1

the guy is a total sh!thead! How horrid for that poor little child! To yell at a child at all, is wrong in my opinion, but to say something so cruel is abuse, out and out. I have raised three children, two boys, now ages 21 and 24, and a daughter, now age 12 without ever having raised my voice to them-and they are all a delight, responsible and productive. Is there any way you can become a role model for this young lady? She needs someone on her side. Her mother should be ashamed of herself to allow some jerk to speak to her child that way.

Answer 2

You are no where near overreacting. Yea, step's don't want to hear things like that, but 1: it's almost expected at some point or another if not every day and 2: she's a teen; when do teens not speak before thinking??? If he ever wants to be her 'father' making remarks like that is definitly not going to help. She was emotionaly abused and she can't help it she has a neglectful *** as a father, so the step father has no reason to take it out on her. As for your friend/the mom, she's in denial about the situation, so automatically takes the husbands side. She's probably scared to say what she really thinks for fear of getting into a big argument ans possibly ending another relationship. Or she could be just as big an *** as the step father (no offense to your friend). Both your friend and the step dad need to learn that for many people emotional abuse is much worse than physical abuse; give it a month and the broken leg will mend, but no matter how long you wait, a broken heart may never heal.

Answer 3

No... you are so NOT overreacting... he's wrong to say that he didn't do anything wrong... because obviously... the 14 year old girl was hurt badly... I mean, she's just fourteen and you dump all these terrible real-life facts like not having her real father here... but the girl should've gotten off the computer since he IS still considered a parent, even if he's just a 'stepfather'..

Answer 4

Well, the girl shouldn't make comments like that. She needs to think before she speaks to this man who raises her. He too was out of line. He should act more grown when he chooses which words to speak to this young lady. She's only 14, so she's going through a lot of changes right now as well. Mom needs to step up and tell her man he needs to be more tactful when addressing her daughter about her father. Regardless the reason her father is gone, it's tearing her up inside, so this "step-dad" needs to love her and discipline her the best way he can without involving her father in the conversation.

Answer 5

You are right.. that is mentally damaging to the child. All that seems to show is the stepfathers insecurities as a man. If he has to bring up something like that to "get back" at a 14 year old girl... hes a coward.

Not that it's right that she would be disrespectful to an adult, but how many 14 year olds do you know that don't have an attitude problem with thier parents?

NONE!

Answer 6

I think creep may be a bit too nice...
No stepparent wants to hear the "You're not my father" remark, but we all know it could happen. Kids get mad and they aren't very good at coping with their anger. So they yell, stomp, whatever. And teenagers are the worst. He should have been prepared for that when he joined the family.

Answer 7

I think when people argue infront of others it becomes uncomfortable for everyone around them and the ones involved. If the girls "real" dad hasn't been there for her and her stepfather has, then I think he had the right to express his feelings to her. Maybe it will be a reality check for her. Obviously the step father is hurting if he is lashing out about the real dad. I'm sure everything will work out fo rthe best. Every family argues about things....let it run its course, they will all be fine.

Answer 8

As a person that grew up with a father that didn't care much since I was a girl, He should have thought about what he said before he said that. She is young. ANYONE knows that young people make smart remarks. That would make me mad as a mother to see my daughter hurt by someone I chose to be with. It seems that he keeps count of the things that he does. Anyone who really cared for a child would do these things because they loved them and not to use as weapons when the other person lashes out. You are very right.

Answer 9

He seems like a total jerk. I think it must be hard to be a step father to a child who doesn't want to accept you, but he needs to work on biulding trust, and creating a bond between them. That is NOT the way to go about it. He's completely in the wrong, it doesn't matter that she said a sarcastic comment., she's a teen who's father abandoned her. SHe's probably having a very hard time with it, he needs to show some compassion.

Answer 10

It sounds like there are a lot of problems in that home. I would suggest family counseling. The little girl obviously doesn't respect her stepfather. The mother needs to be stepping up to the plate.