You are enabling her to be like this, so you are right that you need to push her into becoming more self sufficient. Have a sit down talk with her and tell her that as of (1st of next month or whatever) you and your husband will not be providing a cell phone for her anymore. And let her know that you have been very busy lately with your own life and were wondering when she would be getting transportation of her own and possibly a job. Let her know that you support her efforts to do these things and will be proud of her for doing this. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-27 03:56:22
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answer #1
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answered by tersey562 6
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If you were a single mother and someone bought and paid for your cell phone, took you everywhere you needed to go and never made you pay a dime what would be your incentive to change things?
Do it with love but do it. Help her to stand on her own two feet so she can be a proud, successful mother. Her kids will benefit from this as well in the long run.
Youre a doll for helping her, that was just wonderful of you. But at this point youre just enabling her.
Good luck.
2007-03-27 04:00:26
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answer #2
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answered by Peg 2
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She needs a job so she can afford a car. If she lives near a bus line or train station , she could easily get to and from a job. Thousands of people do it every day. But, if she is not willing to help herself, then there's not much you can do . But you can "be busy" when she needs a lift, and it's definitely time for her to have her own cell plan.
2007-03-27 04:00:05
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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Geez, I could be on a soapbox with this but.....I'll refrain. You are being the better person and you are being taken advantage of. You are worried about the kids but is she? Because as the mother, she should be the first to put up the "responsibility" role and if she has someone to fall back on for that (ie, you) then why should she try to work for something better.
I think it's a good idea for you to begin to stop being the "responsible" party, maybe not all at once. But begin in little ways that she may start feeling uncomfortable with her situation and perhaps she'll start to accomplish something on her own.
Example: Sis-in-law calls because she needs to go to grocery store - no food to feed kids, nothing for dinner. Tell her you are very busy, tied up with blah, blah, but tell me, what DO you have? and then tell her how to make due with what she has. After a little bit of this, she might get the hint.
2007-03-27 03:59:04
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answer #4
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answered by Denise D 2
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well a chat is in order here, simply say that when she split with her partner 2 yrs ago, of course you where going to help, she's family, you where happy to help until she got on her feet, is there a good reason why she hasnt got a job yet??
Tell her that you think that it is now time that she gets her own cell a/c and that you have done all you can, you are stepping back and that you hope that she can move on.....if you keep giving her hand outs then she will keep taking.
2007-03-27 04:25:06
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answer #5
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answered by natc 3
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Talk to her and say what is Obvious will not help...and you will feel bad.Nobody can change people they change by themselfe just if they want...
But,you still can cut the cell phone. with no more explanations than ok, I gave you a help for a while but you are an adult and now is time that you work for things you want and need if the kids needs something please give as a call we always be family....period.
2007-03-27 04:04:15
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answer #6
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answered by mariposa 3
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You are doing too much for her. She doesn't deserve to have someone paying all her bills on top of driving her everywhere. She's a mother, and needs to tkae charge of her life. You were being very kind to help her in the beginning, but now it is time for her to do things for herself. Make sure she's giving you gas money for driving her all these places, it's not cheap to have and maintain a car.
It's not fair for you to have all the expenses of it. Maybe just start saying no to her more often. I know it may be hard, but you have done your sahre and she seems ungrateful.
2007-03-27 04:31:11
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answer #7
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answered by nymom 5
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You're being an enabler, and that needs to stop. Get rid of her cell phone and tell her to get one in her own name. Start weaning her off of rides. Just tell her your schedule is getting crazy and you can't be taking her everywhere anymore but you'd be more than happy to help her look for cars. If she sees that you're serious, she will step up to the plate.
2007-03-27 03:56:46
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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she needs to do things on her own. give her an ultimatum, get a job or cut her off. She doesnt need a cell phone so disconnect it.
2007-03-27 03:54:15
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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Cut the free cell service. Have your husband tell her that she needs to get her life together. Have him tell her that she can't count on you for rides and other favors. She is HIS sister, after all, and it should come from him.
2007-03-27 03:56:38
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answer #10
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answered by kiwi 7
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