My partner has always been anxious but it is now worsening to the point where our lives are becoming more and more inhibited. It started off as ' not liking flying' or not coping well in stressful situations. However this has progressed to not flying, going on a train, a ferry or car distances over three hours. Also he does not want me to travel as he gets more anxious if I am not with him. This is spreading to the point where he is not willing to attend my brothers wedding, which hurts me and offends my family. I really want to help and support him. He is my future and I love him very very much. However, I feel that if I bow to pressure and not see my family so much whom i see around four times a years (they do not live in this country) I feel that this will benefit neither if us, and i am already beginning to feel resentful. I do not want to 'encourage' this behaviour althogh i am aware that he cannot help it. It is really beginning to drain me as i want to be supportive.
2007-03-27 03:28:24 · 11 answers · asked by madgal 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
You know your answer, you simply want the yahoo community to confirm you. So I will. I confirm that you are correct in feeling this is more "HIS" problem than yours and that when you take on responsibility to comfort him, you become resentful as now your life has become LESS important than his comfort. You need to decide how firm you are going to be on this, and if you are going to let this rule your life or not.
2007-03-27 03:34:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a family history of anxiety and behavior similar to what you are describing - I would suggest encouraging this person to seek some professional help, as it may be a condition where medication is needed. Any time something like that effects your life, and your decisions, it's a good idea to have it looked at by someone knowledgable of anxiety disorders and things like that. Maybe ask around to your friends and family for a reputable therapist who has really helped them. Good luck! :)
2007-03-27 03:33:40 · answer #2 · answered by quilt_mommy_2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your partner needs medical attention through the form of therapy and possibly medication.
If your partner was showing signs of vision problems you would get him to an eye doctor...Signs of diabetes, you'd get him to a doctor for diagnosis and medication...So same as with here with his increasingly growing problems with anxiety and social problems...that is just as real a concern as any other body ailment and should be cared for and diagnosed as any other body ailments or concerns.
For some reason when a person has a broken bone, eye problem, kidney problems etc. a person is right in front of a doctor. Yet, when it's a mental problem...people treat it more lightly and expect the person to just overlook it, snap out of it, or think it's simply a mood that will pass with encouragement of walks or hugs. At times ' chemicals ' can affect the brain and cause ' ailements ' such as depression, anxiety etc. just as any other chemical imbalance can affect the kidneys, blood etc. All can be diognozed, dealt with, medically tended to and healed under the guidance of a medically trained doctor.
My suggestion...strongly, yet lovingly, get your partner to a doctor to be diagnosed. Sounds like he needs some 'talk therapy' with a trained therapist and possible some medication till he is skilled and strong enough on his own to manage this very real ' ailment '.
For some reason when a person is experiencing depression or anxiety etc. a person won't get them themselfs to a doctor so please lovingly encourage your partner to seek out professional help telling him that an ailment as this is not to be looked at any different then any other body ailement. I wish you strong guidance, patience and strength through this.
2007-03-27 03:32:18 · answer #3 · answered by onelight 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs help, it sounds like he's developing either agoraphobia (fear of crowds and open spaces), claustrophobia, or possibly developing into an abusive personality. The first thing an abuser does is try to cut his partner off from her family, friends, and other support groups. It doesn't sound like that's the case with your guy. It's just a thought. Maybe if you get counseling as a couple, that will launch him into getting the individual help that he needs. You're very supportive and he's lucky to have you. Hopefully he'll realize that.
2007-03-27 03:33:47 · answer #4 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a really good question. Ask if he is willing to see someone for his problems! It sounds like he needs to talk to a professional about this for help. Medication could be very useful for this as well. Is he in denial about this or does he realize that he is being paranoid or overly anxious? A professional may be able to help him see how odd his behavior is. One thing though, answer me this. Is he worth it? If he is then you need to stick it out. If he doesn't want to travel to see your family he can't make you not go! You need to tell him that this is important to you and you need to do it. Also let him know that it's not fair to ask you not to see your loved ones because of his irrational fears. Do this in a nice way of course.
2007-03-27 03:34:00 · answer #5 · answered by Tact is highly overrated 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anytime you give in and allow his anxiety to dictate what YOU do, you are supporting his behavior.
He needs therapy to gain coping skills and medication to give him his life back. Drugs like Xanax and Buspar exist for this very reason! Lots of people don't like to fly, but most of them take a Valium and get on the plane!
You need to do what you want to do, regardless of how Nervous Nelly feels about it. By not attending the wedding you would be sending a really bad message to all of those in the wedding party and your family. Your family may never forgive you for catering to someone else's neuroses by staying home!
Make plans to attend the wedding, with or without him. He can either get to the doctor for medication or stay home and miss out on the fun. Life is too short to be forced to abide by someone else's bizarre rules! If he is indeed your future, you need to figure out now what that entails; either he learns to cope with life or you learn to stay within 3 hours of home for the rest of yours.
He CAN help it, he CAN learn to cope, he CAN take himself to the doctor for medication if he chooses. It's his choice, and if you cater to him he'll have no reason to change.
Live your life and for Pete's sake attend the wedding!!
2007-03-27 03:46:34 · answer #6 · answered by wwhrd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say this but this is NOT normal behavior and unfortunately, this is also something that you NEED to get help for. He should get some counseling and find the underlying reasons for his actions. If this continues without help, he will get worse. For his and your future, schedule an appointment for him. There are medications and treatments for his problem.
2007-03-27 03:32:52 · answer #7 · answered by TMemories 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something must be causing this and with most cases of anxioty it is deeply rooted to childhood. He needs to talk to a proffesional. You could suggest attending with him if it would help him go as his condition could worsen
2007-03-27 03:33:33 · answer #8 · answered by john p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is ill. He needs to go and see a psychologist. There is nothing you can do but be supportive. It sounds like he is compulsive, obsessive. He must take control of himself before it gets worse.
2007-03-27 03:31:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE check on a program that cured my of my anxiety. Its called Attacking Anxiety. Its available on the internet. If you don't do something it will develop into complete Agorphobic(fear of open places) go to
www.attackinganxiety.com
2007-03-27 03:31:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋