I am 24yrs old and I am from California. I recently moved out to Kansas because I met my boyfriend online. I have been living out here with him since April 2006. I know I love him and care about him but I recently met someone who has me all confused about all my feelings. I have a feeling that my boyfriend will soon pop the question and I am not sure if he is the one I want to marry or not. Plus he is 8yrs older than me. The other guy I met is my age and he makes me laugh and I love hanging out with him. I dont know what to do. I feel like I really need to take time and be on my own for a bit so I can figure things out Is that a bad idea? That would mean moving out of my boyfriends house and living on my own I just need to think about things alone and I am not sure how to tell my boyfriend this. I just dont know how to go about all that without hurting anyone's feelings. I am not a cheater or a player in anyway. I am just confused about things and a little advice would help so much.
2007-03-27 03:02:45 · 26 answers · asked by pixie_gurl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The new guy i met I didnt meet him online he actually lives out here in Kansas and I have been hanging out with himjust as friends. And yes he ahs told me how interested he is in me and I have sat down and talked to him about things. I apprecaite all the comments thanks you very much!!!!
2007-03-27 04:08:03 · update #1
Well, unfortunately you have moved in with this guy already. My recommendation to you a year ago would have been to not move in with him. The whole "cohabitation" thing creates a higher level of emotional intimacy that can cloud judgement. That and the 'glue' that holds a lot of relationships together is the sex, making it more difficult to let go if you need to.
At this point, you need to either prepare to say 'yes' or create a little space by telling him you want to move out. If you are honest with him in telling him that you just need to think things through and sort some things out, he should not take this as outright rejection. Especially if you intend on continuing to see him. If you aren't constantly seeing him and with him all the time then you should be able to make a better, clear cut decision. With all due respect to the wise man... sometimes distance makes the heart grow fungus. Good luck!
2007-03-27 03:41:09 · answer #1 · answered by Conqi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have the wedding plans firm and the wedding is a few months away, I think it is always a bad idea to live with someone - so remember this experience when this new guy suggests that you move in together. You are a roommate to the guy you met online 'with benefits' but as you see, people tend to have feelings too. He might be ready to pop the question but that has more to do with the fact that he's 8 years older than you are than the fact that you are living together.
Why not have a fun time while you have some years to be young, date, meet people, work, save money, have goals, etc. - all things that you accomplish when you live on your own. You can tell your current roomie that you have missed a lot being in such an intense relationship and you need to date more. That said, why would you just starting dating this new guy as intensely as the old one - falling into the trap of moving in with him? I have a feeling one thing about living together is that it saves money; find an apartment and share it with some women your age (if there's a university anywhere nearby, there usually are some people looking for roommates, even apartments where the roomates are both men and women.) As you can see, once you start living together and 'playing house', it's hard to extricate yourself. Next time you live with someone you love, make it your husband.
2007-04-04 03:12:08 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, the minute you move its OVER.
So you need to think about your actions before you do anything.
#1 If you don't love him enough to say YES with happiness and confindence then its not the right person for you.
#2 Any desire for an outside person is only symptom of a problem, and they really don't have anything to do with the choice you make to breakup from this current relationship.
#3 Before making that move, be prepared mentally, finacially and emotionally. Most guys, "don't" want to be friends after a breakup and I am the same way. Alone in Kansas is not your home of Cali, trust me.
SO you really need to soul search before you take any more action. Also, if you met him on line, he can look at this very question and read the issue. So I would use more caution with public forums.
2007-03-27 03:11:48 · answer #3 · answered by Denise W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to do what is right for you. If that means that you need to get your own place then do it. Explain to your boyfriend that right now you need to figure somethings out and that you don't want to hurt him or anyone else. Tell him that you are doing this so that you know what you want out of your life so that you can figure out what you want in the future. He should be understanding and if he isn't then its his loss. If you think that he is going to propose then I suggest that you talk to him before he pops the question otherwise you could hurt him. Take some time figure out what you want. You would not want to say yes to a marriage proposal if you are not sure if that is what you want. See if he is alright with you guys taking a break so that you can find the answers that you are looking for, chances are if he loves you then he will be alright with this.
2007-03-27 03:17:57 · answer #4 · answered by vixenangel_ia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a serious situation u have here.... I know it can be hard to just realize that after all the man u have been living with isnt the guy u really want to spend the rest of your life with. but how sure you are about that feeling...i think it is a good idea that you want to be alone for sometime so that u can figure things out. The only way you can do this is , you need to tell ur bf about it...you have to be honest. yes it is not easy but both of you need to be honest to each other especially you since you think there is this guy that you think you like....
good luck.
2007-04-04 02:08:31 · answer #5 · answered by Natasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either way, one of them isn't gonna like the heartbreak, but hey if your boyfriends gonna ask you to marry him and you dont know if you love him then don't marry him! Remeber when you marry someone it's for the rest of your life. Do you want a marriage that has an unsure love? Or do you want to stretch a little more, get to know this other guy and enjoy life? I say you give it some time and go move out on your own.
2007-03-27 03:15:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very interesting question! who do you love more and age doesn't matter at all unless you feel very insecure about it. but yes give it some thought and think about who makes you more happier and who you will want to be with for the rest of your life. When you come up with the finale choice then stay with that person. also you are a very young person and you will bound to be in a situation like this so tale it one step at a time and make sure you choose the right one that follows your heart.
2007-03-27 03:12:21 · answer #7 · answered by jason j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you moved to Kansas you are indeed very confused. As for the boyfriend thing you should move out and end your committed relationship so you can bang whoever you want. If you have to wonder, you don't want to marry the one guy. But guess what, the other is no good either.
2007-03-27 03:07:00 · answer #8 · answered by steve_dorings 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Pixie Gurl,
First, BE HONEST--with yourself, with your boyfriend, and the
new guy. Explain to them about your feelings, and that you're
not breaking up---just taking a little time off to clear your mind.
Keep in touch with them so they don't start thinking that you're
cheating on them. Assure them that you'll return after this
issue is settled. Remember--this process may take several
weeks or even months to complete.
Weigh both sides of your problem, ie: good vs bad, right vs
wrong, advantages vs disadvantages, like vs dislike, and as
you work your way through, keep in mind that three loves are
at stake here. And by all means, DON'T be selfish or greedy.
That would only guarantee you unhappiness and sorrow.
Do a thorough job and you'll make the right decision, OK??
2007-03-27 03:24:11 · answer #9 · answered by SlownEasy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby you moved there to be with him. He has been good to you. "hay" you know what you have in him. What do you know about the other person? Life has a way of making you ask why? but that is when you know that you are doing the right thing. Stay with the older man he will always be there for you and will care for you the way you will need him too. If you live the older man for the younger man it will always be in the back of the younger mans mind that you did that and one day he will do it to you. Stay with the one that you are with, the man that is there for you and that cares for you.where a mans money is there is where his heart is.
2007-03-27 03:14:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋