Are there any couples out there who could engage someone who you haven't yet have sex before?
My bf and I became a couple last month. We have dated 2 years ago, and seprated in few months (without sex) and since than he was a great friend, but now we're back again.
He never stopped loving me, from head to toes. I don't share the same passion, but I respect him and feel very safe around him.
We had never slept before, but I want to ask if he's interested in having a familly, or settling down with me.
Not that I'm a virgin, but I want to have it after engagement...is this ok? Could this be normal in a world now?
I'm 28, He's 37. I had 10 bfs before, no problem with idea of sex, but just want to know...
2007-03-27 03:00:56 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
To some people who think I'm virgin, I'm not. I had 10 bfs and I had sex with all. I'm quite sure I'm not in love with my current one, but I think there is no point building the feeling if we can't think about the future.
2007-03-27 03:37:25 · update #1
Of course you can save the sex for marriage. That a cool idea if it's what you want and anyone worth being with will respect your position. I would say that you shouldn't get married because you feel "safe" though. It's like you are using him. You don't have that passion for him that he has for you but you want to marry him because he will keep you safe and will provide a stable life for you? That's exactly what it sounds like. Trust me, that won't work because eventually you'll get to a point where you are enduring a bad marriage simply because you don't feel like there is anywhere that you can go for that security. Getting married for that instead of because you love the person is risky. Especially if he is providing most of the financial support. It may get to a point where he treats you like property. I say, keep dating him if you want but don't marry him unless you really love him.
2007-03-27 03:10:21 · answer #1 · answered by Vince R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's obviously ok if u haven't had sex with someone u r engaged with! With hesitancy of sex being frowned upon, taboo, ostracized by the media and internet, and being seen by many as a way symbolizing not liking someone, it's understandable how you have become a victim of liberal brainwashing in this manner. People think sex is something that's supposed to happen or should happen before marraige, but it doesn't have to be. If two people really love each other and respect each other, it's really best to not do it before marraige since many couples don't come even close to considering marraige, let alone actually getting married, so why have sex with a person in which there's not really any love at all, unless it's just short-term love?
Sex is supposed to be the highest form of intimacy/passion and should only occur in the highest form of love, which involves commitment, which is mainly symbolized by marraige. If you two really love each other and don't have sex until marraige, then you two, hopefully, would have the rest of each other's lives to have sex. Sex doesn't have to be a part of symbolizing how much you love someone or a criteria of whether or not you should be engaged to that person. Any belief otherwise is just a result of our overly sexuall liberal society and people's perversions running amock. Love can include just wanting to be with that person for a really long time and being really happy with that person, but doesn't have to include having sex yet with that person.
It obviously can be normal in this world now! Are you actually 14? Just because most people have sex before they get married, doesn't mean that you have to follow what the majority does! Sometimes, what happens least sounds more normal. Now, since you've had sex with at least 10 guys before, in which i doubt marraige had been considered with any of these, it's kinda strange how the guy that you may be engaged with is actually someone you haven't had sex with, or maybe you've just become more wise all of a sudeen and realized sex doesn't have to occur in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship since you've had sex with those guys before, and i doubt you even keep in touch with half of them.
The real concern with your situation, however, is that you just respect him and you feel safe around him. It seems like you just like him as a friend and feel that it just seems like a good idea to be engaged with him since he loves you and for security. Many couples probably don't share the same exact passion, but do have pretty similar feelings though. You don't even mention that you love him. Plus, you two have only been together for one month after not taking being in a relationship with him for several months, so you two may be moving too fast and you two may just be better off friends, especially after already having a failed relationship before. Do you really love this guy or may just want to marry him since you know he'll take care of you? You and him should have a talk about you two's values about sex and find out how close y'all's feelings are to each other.
2007-03-27 03:49:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, if you believe in morality. of course there are still couples who believe in morality and never had sex before marriage, though temptation is always there but it's all up to you if will have a go with the temptation. it's not about the trend this days, but it's about your personality (both). it's good to be cautious in relationship especially if you are not totally secured yet unless if you don't care if you slip on the hook. if you are still virgin until when u get married don't worry cause how lucky he would be that he can't ever think how proud he is for you, and for that you'll be respected for keeping your morality clean and you'll be totally love and care by your partner. good luck!
2007-03-27 03:19:23 · answer #3 · answered by Simply_Me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with waiting until your married to have sex. It gives you plenty of time to get to know each other outside of the bedroom first. If he hasn't been bringing up the fact that you haven't had sex yet, then he's probably OK with the wait already. Decide between the two of you what you want to do for the marriage, and go with it.
2007-03-27 03:14:43 · answer #4 · answered by Lady M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not want to have sex with him until you are engaged that is fine, nobody should tell you otherwise. And what is not acceptable in today's world? Well, there are a lot of things but that is perfectly normal . I think it can make a relationship so much stronger. And you should not doubt yourself when it comes to a decision like that. Stick with your decision and you will be happier for it.
2007-03-27 03:10:16 · answer #5 · answered by vixenangel_ia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think nowadays many people save themselves any morefor "the one"and i think its a shame. people now dont have that much respect for the meaning of making love its much more than a bit on the side just to satisfy your "needs" it has to b a special occasion and something you remember for the rest of your life so i think good on ya for holding out till after your engaged
2007-03-27 03:34:05 · answer #6 · answered by lyndsey d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not that you haven't had sex yet that's the problem. It's more that you only got together last month. Slow down.
2007-03-27 03:38:02 · answer #7 · answered by Hello Dave 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All sounds fine. I'd be a bit more concerned with your lack of passion though. Is this really going to go somewhere or are you just biding time.
2007-03-27 03:05:02 · answer #8 · answered by Timothy S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it is possible of course it is but i think that you need to rethink this suggestion, you are considering having a family with this person and you do not love him. you have already said that so personally i think that you should rethink thisand not jump the gun. find your feelings for him before you make plans or the rest f your life.
2007-03-27 03:24:36 · answer #9 · answered by confused 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem very unsure too me. I would just get the sex out the way then you know if you really love him. Nothing like a good hard shag to decide whether you really love someone or not
2007-03-27 03:04:54 · answer #10 · answered by poli_b2001 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋