Muslim Marriage question?

Question

My bf has proposed to me, but I have not yet met his parents because he is waiting for his (somewhat reluctant) elder brothers to tie the knot first, out of respect for his family. Its not like I'm a complete secret to the rest of his family, just the parents and elder brothers. I get along fine with all his friends and younger siblings and their families. Should I put off marrying him until I meet his mother? My relationship with mine kind of went sour over the whole relationship, and I was kind of looking forward to gaining the love of another, as well as stopping all the lies and cover-ups.

Please don't just hate, I just need some opinions.

Ok, muslim marriages - they have a lot more necessary elements than other religious ones, like parents SHOULD if at all possible give their consent and stuff... but I really wanted a muslim's perspective because my bf wants to get married ASAP because of the sins we're committing in the meantime, whereas I want to do the right thing and I'm not sure which is a bigger sin. Oh, and all his family is muslim, mine's not and has a few problems with that... but I've been a converted muslim since september, and I truly believe that is the right faith.

Answer 1

Being a muslim girl, there is a big difference between culture and religion.
From a religious point of view, infront of God's eyes he is marrying you out of his decision and his decision alone. he does NOT need the consent of anyone. At the same time, parents in religion have their place, he is obliged to respect them and from that he want his parent's blessings.
From a cultural point of view (lebanese to be specific) depending on the family, and how strict they are; TRADITION dictates that the elders marry first. For example I was seeing a guy who had a younger brother who wanted to get married but was waiting until his older brother married first. However, in my family, my older brother waited to get engaged until I got engaged first... so it depends really.. but this is NOT a religious thing.
As for the whole family thing.. listen in my situation, the dad was not all that excited about his son marrying me because he thought i was too old for his son.. my fiance is a year older than me.. and his dad thought well I would be too set in my ways to listen to his son... although his sister said age doesn't matter. My fiance said to his father i respect your opinion but I love her too much. Mind you his dad does not think this anymore but that's besides the point. My fiance respects his parents a lot, but he says ultimately this is my life and i want to live it how i choose. It seems to me that this is what your fiance is doing however he is avoiding confrontation right now by not telling his parents his intentions for you.
*** this is important...the fact that your bf respects his family and parents this much, this just shows you how much respect he has for you for the simple fact that he wants to bring you into their lives... and this also should tell you how much respect he has for your parents... he knows the value there when it comes to family... another plus when you guys have kids!! please dont underestimate this****
If your boyfriend did not truely love you this much, he would not have the intention to marry you. TRUST ME he knows how much crap he's going to get from his parents because he wants to marry you and this is part of the reason he is waiting, but not because of any religious part of it. and this is a side point, but Islam allows muslim men to marry christians and women from the jewish faith, and he can not force the girl to change her religion, however the children will be brought up muslims.
So keep in mind how much he loves you because ultimately your marraige to him COULD (big possibility i am wrong) sever ties between him and his family, he knows this, and he doesn't care because he loves you too much. because if he didn't, then TRUST me you would not have converted to islam and he would not want to marry you.

Good luck, and just be patient and understanding with him ok??? don't ever under estimate family ties because Islam stresses the importance of family more than anything else. For example if he is bad with you, his punishment is HUGE... and if you are not good to him, then as a muslim, your punishments are huge as well. Finally, i hope the reason you converted is because you feel the religion is right for you and not because he wanted you too... please make sure the distinction here .. otherwise if you are not honest with yourself it could mean problems in the future.

If you could please disregard and stereotypes against muslim men.. it is not the religion that makes a person bad, it is the person that brings bad name to the religion. My cousin is married to an italian catholic, she later converted, and he treats her like a queen. My dad, and my brother treat their women like queens. My fiance puts me before his family, and he tells his family the minute any of them say one thing out of line to me, he will not talk to them. Mind you his family is soooooo sooo nice. TRUST ME please... a muslim man MUST it is HIS DUTY AND HIS DUTY ALONE to take care of his family, to provide and should he EVER hurt his wife, infront of God the reprecussions are HUGE.. a woman in Islam is to be cared for and to be cherished, as a daughter in Islam is to be protected... the man's DUTY in Islam is to protect and not to abuse and any muslim man who does this... #1 he is going against his religion and #2 he is not a man.
Yes this does happen amongst the muslim world but it also happens in America, look at all of the women shelter's look at all of the abuse cases. And finally if a muslim woman wants to divorce her husband and she has good reason, it is her right to do so. A muslim man is NOT allowed to divorce unless he waits for (3) months to make sure that his wife is not pregnant with his child. There a lot of things the western world does not know about the Islamic faith... so please do not judge unless you have all of the facts.
Just another note, if your bf is religious then this only shows how well he will treat you because he FEARS God, and he knows that if he mistreats you then he will have the wrath of God on him!!!
I wish you the best of luck!!!!

Answer 2

How are you committing anything sounds like you don't live together and be forwarned that muslim men are rather dominant in nature and they're extremely charming, but once married they're prone to be controlling and in some cases abusive. I've read stories about American and European women being married to muslim men and how they were insistant upon marrying quickly. If your boyfriend has had to keep you a secret because of the reaction from his family I take it you're a white female. Don't let him take you out of the country to get married because women are SOL if they marry a traditional muslim man in his native country since American laws don't work over there and you're stuck. I suggest you watch the movie not without my daughter and gives you some idea of how a real american woman married a muslim man and how fast he changed the minute he stepped foot on the soil of his native country.

Word of advice being muslim isnt what it's cracked up to be and if anyone told you it's the best faith lied because I've lived that life since I was a child and I've watched men treat women like second class citizens and my father was the same way with my mom so I've made it my mission to not marry a muslim man.

Answer 3

I do not see the problem about being Muslim.. I guess you are trying to understand why you need to wait for the elder brothers to tie the knot first. Well , it is a general tendency in middle east and some parts of Asia. It is believed that if a younger sibling gets married before the older siblings, the elders will never be able to get married. No obligations but a general belief.. I think the best thing to do would be convincing the elder one to symbolically give up his turn to your boyfriend. By the way, try to make your relationship with your own family get better. Their reaction might be caused by the natural instinct to protect you from future difficulties arising from different religious beliefs. If the spouses are of different cultures and religions, things really get a bit harder than usual but I guess the outcome is also sweeter if you succeed.. Wish you luck and all the best

Answer 4

I would wait till you meet his mother. Just remember, that as a muslim wife, you will have absolutely no say in anything including the upbringing of your children. Muslin wives are kept in the background, and they have no rights to speak of. Think about what you are planning to do, as you may be very unhappy as a wife of a Muslim man. If the marriage ever breaks up, you will have no rights to custody of your children of the marriage. Watch the movie "Not Without My Daughter" with Sally Field...you may get a different prospective on Muslim men in general. Also, did you know a Muslim man can take more than one wife and his present wife (you) have nothing to say in the matter and physical violence toward wives is very common and you have no recourse or anyone to turn to. Think about your future before you take this step you may regret.

Answer 5

I would not marry him until you meet the family. He is hiding you for some reason. He should be able to stand up to his parents and at least introduce you. You don't have to marry right away if he introduces you to the family you could still wait for the older brothers to marry before you do. If you marry behind their backs then you will probably not get the family relationship that you want from them. Stand up to your man and tell him before you marry him you MUST meet the family. He may be hiding you because he knows they won't approve.

Answer 6

your question is not clear enough for me , but I guess that your BF is muslim, and you are not .. isn't it ??? .. any way , whatever the case was I will tell u a rule that apply to all men , whatever their relegion or ethnicity .... IF HE REALLY WANTS YOU , HE'LL FIGHT FOR YOU ..... so don't be afraid from his family , and delay your marriage waiting for their approval ..... because He is the One who should decide , and he's the one who you should care of ....... and as a muslim, no one have the right to interfer your marriage.... its all in the hand of your BF ..

I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING , IN ISLAM MEN ARE NOT OBLIGED TO TAKE PERMISION FROM THEIR PARENTS TO GET MARRIED .... ITS ONLY AN OLD ARABIC TRADITION, AND ITS NOT RELATED WITH ISLAM IN ANYTHING , ADD TO THAT NOW ADAYS ITS COMMON THAT ARAB MEN GET MARRIED WITHOUT THE PERMISION OF THEIR PARENTS ......... SO DON"T BE FOOLED BY THAT SAYING

Answer 7

I think you should wait, although you are going to do that anyway cause of his elder brothers, but until then you should consider meeting his mother and see what is your and her first impressions towards each other, keeping in my mind that you should treat her in a different way than the way you do with your mother, I think you also should be looking forward to gain her love no matter what as it will be the case with whomever one you gonna marry.

Answer 8

What does this have to do with muslim marriage?

Answer 9

Don't worry he is responsable for himself you will meet his parents & they will be happy to see you belive me & even if they wont they can't do nothing to prevant him to mary you that if he realy loves you & that's what the religion sais not me ok even if it's a mouslim girl that is gona mary if she sais yes here father canot coplain & he will give his aproval don't you belive what others will tell you ok & if you love him then you will be happy with him
her's a small info for you only 0.99% of mouslim hosbands cheat on thier wifs.

Answer 10

listen u have 2 marry him if u love him of cours but its not a good thing 2 keep friends. theres 2 choises: marriag or u have 2 leave him and bf is not good in islam