I've been with my girlfriend officially now for a month, we were seeing eachother for about 2 months before that. We're really in love. She's my first serious girlfriend, and i'm her first serious boyfriend. Only thing is, I -have- to move. There is no getting out of it. I'm moving about 500k's away. And although, it's an 8 hour drive (45 minutes by plane.) I honestly wonder if it's fair to her to continue the relationship. I went to where i'm moving for a week and we missed eachother like crazy. I wonder if moving permantely is fair on her at all. She can't go with me. And I can't stay. Do I break it off so she can be with someone where she is? Or do I try and be with her with a long distance relationship. I love her so much, and I really don't want to hurt her. And I really do not know what to do to protect her at the moment. She says that she'll be happy with a long distance relationship. But she'll miss me like crazy if I go.
Anyone got any advice for what I should do?
2007-03-27 01:39:37 · 23 answers · asked by Ryuichi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh, I just thought I should add. She's 19, and I'm 21.
2007-03-27 01:42:53 · update #1
Ok, clarifying why I must move. Basically, it's a money thing. I'm being kicked out and realistically can't afford to live anywhere here. Because there just isn't anywhere to live. There is a huge property shortage where I live. I'd need to be making in excess of $600 a week to live. And since i'm sick, that's pretty hard for me to do.
And she doesn't know if she's ready to pack her life up and come with me because she's lived here her whole life and all her family are here.
Another detail, Our relationship isn't sexual. We're very very close, but neither of us believe in making love before we are -in love- I mean, we are in love. but we want to make sure we are perfect for eachother before we make that huge leap. we're both virgins and we believe making love with someone is a commitment to them. Not just about doing it because it feels good in the moment.
2007-03-27 01:57:10 · update #2
Oh oh oh. (I keep forgetting stuff, sorry)
She's very willing to fly where I'm going whenever she can, and vice versa. It's fairly cheap to fly between the two cities. like $90 each way.
2007-03-27 01:59:04 · update #3
if shes your 1st proper gf im assuming your still young, its not going to work believe me just talk to her im sure you can both still be friends
2007-03-27 01:44:01 · answer #1 · answered by Lee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all long distance relationships are bad. You and your gf seem to be pretty in sync with each other. I'd say try it. Eventually she can look for a job closer to where you are, or you could look to move back. Long distance relationships being bad are a misnomer. Ask yourself this, are you and your gf together just for the sex or is there something deeper and more meaningful in your relationship? If your together and missing just the physical aspect of the relationship then end it. If your missing her because of all the quirky things that only you find cute, then don't. Its not so much the distance but the love and wanting the person you love close to you that's important. If she truly loves you and if you truly love her, 8 hour drives should mean absolutely nothing.
2007-03-27 01:48:04 · answer #2 · answered by sinkablehail1978 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long Distance Relationships Hurt I`ve Been There. . . Buht Tha Fact That She`s Barely Yu`r First Serious Gf Yu`r Still Young... She May Seem To Be Tha` One But Theres Alot More Out There For Yu`.. Believe It Or Not If She Reallie Loves Yu` She Will Understand Yu`. . . I`m Not Saying Break It Off Or Anything But Just Tellin Yu` What I Went Thro... Its Hard But... But To Tell Yu` Tha` Truth Distance Aint ****... It Just Like Saying Age Is Just A Number... Think About It
2007-04-03 20:12:32 · answer #3 · answered by Mary Jane D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You write that you 'must' move and that she 'can't' come with you.
Unless you were ordered to do so by court of law, and she is equally legally prohibited from following you, this is of course nonsense.
'must' and 'can't' translate to 'won't' and 'want'.
Having said that, yes you are being fair. Do you think it should only be legal for people to move if they are single?
It's your life. Your life does not go on hold because you are in a relationship.
It is realistic of you to realize that a 500K distance relationship is very, very hard to maintain.
But I will not blame you for trying. What you are suggesting is quitting because it might become difficult. What does that say about you? You are suggesting that you shouldn't even give it a chance.
Fair enough; you don't want to spend the next two years telling the most attractive new girls who throw themselves in your arms that you are in a relationship with a girl you haven't seen in a year.
But you could give it a bit of time. If your worries turn out to be true in 3 months time, you tell your girlfriend that it isn't working.
That is so much nicer than just giving up and never even giving her a chance to try!
2007-03-27 01:49:50 · answer #4 · answered by mgerben 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I heard both cases where long distance relationship's have worked and not worked. In the beginning you write and talk everyday, but as time goes on ....it becomes less and less as you start to hang out with people that you can actually see. You are in the beginning of the relationship where things are usually VERY GOOD. It takes about 6 months before you may have a disagreement. It'll be hard, but the fair thing to do is break it off and just be friends.....and if you end up meeting again in the future....then you can start something then if things are good to go.
2007-03-27 01:45:47 · answer #5 · answered by SlamDUNK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest I don't think you can make plans. What ever happens will happen.
5 years ago I met this guy in the summer. He was 17 and I was 21. Yes cradle snatcher I know. We lived in neighbouring villages and had the best summer together. We were togerher for 4 months. I then moved to Scotland 5 hours away and we agreed that we would have nothing serious and just see how things went.
We ended up talking every night. We visited each other every weekend.
After 6 months I moved back to be with him.
It's our third wedding anniversary next week.
If it's meant to be it's meant to be. Just chill and enjoy it.
xxx
2007-03-27 01:45:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you try first the option of a long distance relationship...there are only two possible things to happen: 1) you two will have an exciting relationship because you keep on missing each other and it's gonna be so sweet to see each other again..or 2)she's/you're gonna find someone new and break it off naturally....whichever way, at least you tried working the relationship out right...do not try to break it off while you two are still in love...it might be hard, because of wrong reasons...you'll just end up thinking about could-have-beens
2007-03-27 01:48:31 · answer #7 · answered by nozmiat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AAWWWW, i can feel your pain, why not just try it out, dont jump to any decisions just yet, you havent moved yet, i think it could work, my BF lives and works about six hour away, we take a day off work during the week, say Wed, i travel to him on Tues eve, or he comes up to me, we spend the next day together and then at the weekend we do the same, weve being doing this for over a year, and its fine, we are planning to get a place together at the end of the year, cant wait, so dont despair, if you both want it to work, it will, but you both have to put the effort in.
2007-03-27 01:48:50 · answer #8 · answered by natc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be frank first love is the best.i don't think you should break for any reason.try and fix a time ,when you both can talk over phone daily.keep in touch.trust each other ,then you will find an everlasting love in both of you,donot give in.distance is not a matter.my girl is 5 hrs away,we meet monthly once in her house.we have been so for the past 17 yrs, belive,it's possible.
2007-03-27 01:57:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you really have to go? maybe u could get an apartment with her or a friend. somewhwere in the middle. can she stay at ur house? if so tell her she can come up on the weekends or vacations from school( if u guys r in coollege) long distance can work if u both want it too. but you have been together for a short time. concider all the options.
2007-03-27 01:45:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is really very hard to have along distance relationship,but for me,distance can't hinder a relationship if it is true love that you feel for each other!! you can try to visit her for about twice a week so that she will not miss you like crazy!!! don't break up w/ her coz i'm sure if u will,she will be seriously hurt!!! anyway it is ok for her to have a long distance relationship!!! good luck!!!
2007-03-27 01:49:06 · answer #11 · answered by arr0n!!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋