I love him but he thinks of leaving? What should I do please?

Question

My boyfriend told me yesterday that he is not sure he wants to continue our relationship, he said he is not motivated and enthusiastic anymore and he is not feeling happy with me. He has been very stressed these days with his job, he works full-time,looking for a new job, attending interviews. He doesnt get along with his boss so that adds to his stress. He's been distant with me since he has been told he won't get his promotion. I took his distance personally and was questioning him about our relationship. He tried to explain to me that he needs time alone but I got worried.Yesterday he told me he thinks he should leave and he said he needs time to think and he'll call me this week to talk about this. i havent replied to him as i'm giving him the time he asked for. I am really upset and I am really afraid of loosing him. Why does he need time to think and why does he want to talk to me about it? Is he going to call me it's the end and it's over? We've been together for 3 years.

Answer 1

You really can't prevent your boyfriend from ending the relationship or wanting to break up - it's his free will. What might help is to tell him you understand he's going through a lot right now and you WANT to be there for him. Tell him you love him and want to make it work, and ask if there's anything you can do to make things easier on him. If he's just asking for time, maybe that's all he really needs. It sounds like he's got a lot going on right now and needs time to think and figure it all out. The best thing you can do, if you want to keep him, is give him the space he needs for now. If you two are really meant for one another, he'll realize it after he clears his head. Good luck - I know this isn't easy for you.

Answer 2

You have my full sympathy and this is a difficult time for you, the not 'knowing' is probably causing you more upset. Stress is accountable for many reactions in a person and sometimes those close to them get the raw deal, as you feel you are.

Give the time your boyfriend is asking for he appears to have many issues related to his job. We spend most of our time working and it is important that we are happy within that environment and feel that we are being rewarded for our efforts. Your boyfriend is presently in an unhappy working environment which he extends into his private life. He cannot help this as this is the one factor that is forever present and foremost on his mind. At the moment he cannot see or think of anything else; he feels that whichever way he goes the same pattern occurs this is very frustrating and making him lose all sight of anything else in his life. It is a classic verse, I need time on my own - he needs this because it is less pressure for him. He can see that you are unhappy and at this moment he cannot handle this, or you questioning him about your relationship. There may be other reasons but only he knows this.

In a few days time give him a call or write a letter in a positive manner, i.e. you are there for him, love him and will give the time span he needs. You could add that if there is anything other than his job causing him for the break that he should come clean and tell you. It is better to know than being kept hanging by a thread no matter how painful. You have been together for a long time so you both need to talk this through, tell him that - it is only fair to both of you.

Wish you well and hope you get back together real soon.

Answer 3

It sounds like your boyfriend is not content with his entire life. Nothing is working for him--not you, not the job, not looking for a job--just nothing. Try to help him along to get some satisfaction out of something. Not easy, I know. I have had to watch pretty much the same thing happen with the person that I love and his answer to the problem is the same as your boyfriend's answer is--just throw it all away and start again.

I am not comfortable with being thrown away. I feel your situation every day with no end in sight for me. Sometimes I want to throw it all away too because it would be easier than trying day after day to hold on to the good things. My grandmother would have called that "Throwing the baby out with the bath water." (Meaning just because both the baby and the dirty water are in the bathtub, it doesnt mean they both need to go down the drain when the bath is done.)

When things are bad in much of a person's life, it is hard for them to see the good. The bad takes over and overwhelms all else. There is not a whole lot you can do to improve your boyfriend's dissatisfaction with his life. You cant fix everything. He will either go or stay and the waiting and watching on your end wont be fun--not at all. I hope that the work situation will improve for your boyfriend and perhaps once that does improve, things will get better for you. Remember even if he does find another job, being the new person at work is no picnic either. At least he is looking for another job and trying to help himself, therefore this is not a permanent situation even if it is one that will last for a long time.

Hold on and try to help your boyfriend as much as possible, even if it is not your responsibility to fix his life (keep your persective on things). Perhaps if you both have a good talk about what HE DOES HAVE that is good, his outlook may change.

Answer 4

Men can be very difficult at times specially when it comes to rejection and dealing with their feelings. They are not as expressively as we are and because of this they tend to crawl p in a corner and shut us out. Mainly when this happens they will use us as their pillow of release then realize after they are alright it was the wrong way to go about it and become heart fully sorry.( they discovered this during the " shut me out period") It really sounds to me he is just too busy trying to accomplish his goals and do not have time for the relationship until his goals are accomplish.You all have 3 years under ya'll belt which says a lot: 1) The relationship will speak for itself and will be saved in due time or 2) Everything happens for a reason and the time has come for this relationship to end. And if this is the case maybe it is for your good because your boyfriend is dealing with some let down issues which may be personal and needs to be addressed even if means being alone in order to prevent using you as an release tool............. I feel you are doing the right thing in the mean time by waiting and giving him the time he has asked for and at the same time stop worrying about probably nothing and get some YOU TIME.................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

when he told you about him needing a space, you should have just respect that, u can ask him what's wrong,if it's something about you but this is not something to fight about, i mean that's what he wants so u hav to respect that. 3 yrs is 3 yrs, geez i gues u really love each othr to stay that long and if he leaves you it's totally hard to get over with, i had 2 and a half yrs and it's been 2 yrs but i still think abt him and regret what happened but it's ok now, we all hav to move on if the situation calls for it, though it's hard, going back, i think from the start you could just hve been supportive of him, encouraging him about his job, making things a litte bit lighter for him but it seems like from your stories you add up to the stress he's experiencing maybe that's why he wanted some time alone bec ur not helping him, ur adding to his problem.. since he's asking now for time apart maybe the best solution is for you to talk and talk and talk, pls don't be too clingy just respect everything he has to say and try to support him..

Answer 6

I think one thing you said was very cool. That you are giving him the time he asked for. You know people take things out on the ones they are closest to. So if he is having difficulty with his boss, and is looking for employment, the most basic part of his security is being affected. Society places a great emphasis on earning potential and my sense is that your guy is frightened about what is going on with his boss...you know when you do not get along with your boss you feel threatened because they control your income and thus security. And guys tend to go into their "cave" when they have issues and close out their wives and girlfriends. Obviously you cannot make him love you or want to stay with you. That is a given. A relationship based upon obligation and expectations is not love...and you would not want that. He may or may not end the relationship but I sense he is taking his current life stressors with his boss and job and projecting them on to you a bit. I think giving him his space and time will help because you won't be around and who is he going to blame his negative state on then? I mean his bad feelings are simply not going to go away just because he pushes you away. So be patient and honor his wishes. That is the best you can do if you love him.

Answer 7

Yep, that's exactly what he is planning to do. When he calls you; tell him before he says anything; to come and get his things. That as much as you love him and are afraid of loosing him, you can not live with regret. You cannot live with him thinking that he will feel the same way later on. Tell him that you deserve to be happy, just as much as he should. Three years, is a long time to invest in a relationship. And I'm sure that he is aware of that. But you should not tolerate his lack or inability to feel secure and happy in the relationship. Married couples go through the same thing, and at least half of those end in divorce. His employment problems are not your fault, they are his.Do not allow him to hold your feelings and your love for him, hostage.

Answer 8

i was in a similar situation. except it was me that was pulling away! i was going through a lot of stress but my man stuck by me. You need to stick by your man, you obviously love him. Just let him know that you will give him the space he needs but you want to be there. Make him feel special in this time of stress and you will win him back. Cook him his favorite meal, cuddle up to a movie together. Just because the world is chaotic and crazy doesnt mean it should interfer with you relationship. Help him out by suggesting he contact an employment agency to help him recruit for a new position so there is less of a stress. Reaffirm your love for him and let him know every relationship has its ups and downs and that your going to stick by him esp when hes feeling super stressed. When this all blows over he will truly love you for being there for him.

Answer 9

You have just listed all of the reasons why he needs time. His dealing with a lot and some people like to deal with their stuff alone....its sounds like your nagging about the relationship has made him decide that in order to sort out his other problems he needs you less involved so that you don't add to them.

Give him the space he has requested and let him think things through...pressurising him will only force him into making a choice and it might not be the one you want!

Answer 10

At least check if you are on a 'break' and what the rules of engagement are, i.e. can you see other people while he is having his time away. I suggest you tell him he can have all the space he needs but you want to be free to see other people. He'll either sod off, in which case you're better off without him or he'll soon change his mind and come running back when he knows you're not just going to wait to be his door mat.