how can i become closer to my parents?

Question

All of my friends seem to be able to talk to their mums about anything, and joke about with their dads, as can my sister with our parents.
For some reason i don't seen to have this bond, and i want to know if there is anything i can do to perhaps get this bond.

My mother i think wants it too, but she is very critical of everything i do and always has been. I have never been good enough in her eyes. I don't see why though, as i would always get good grades at school and was in the yearbook team, school band, charity group and everything else. I did have a rather long rebelious stage where i would go out and get drunk, not come home and argue a lot but i grew out of this.

There always seems to be this akwardness with my father and to be honest i love spending time with him when my sister is there becaus he is a laugh, but on our own it just feels too akward, and i know he feels it too and as a result we barely speak.

I have never been able to confide with either of them. I moved out a

year ago and since then it has become worse, with only my mother calling me to nag about money, never being nice. Its almost as though she wants to talk to me, but she cant think of anything to say.

All i really want is to be close to them.

Answer 1

HI!
I wanted to help you about your problem but I cannot say I'm an expert about family matter.
I am very close to my family, even to my father that I haven't seen for 14 years. When we talked to the phone people hearing us always thought that I'm just talking to a friend and it suprised them when I told them that it was my Dad.
Anyway, before, I felt aloof to my parents too, my Mom was a snob and I didn't feel like talking to her. And because my father is far from us, I'm always stiff whenever I talked to him. But one day I just thought I want to be close to my parents... so I just let loose, I talked to them in a casual way. I talked to them often about anything. It felt awkward at first but I get used to it. I'm sure you can do it too. It will always start with you. Just set aside the awkward feeling and go for it. I hope you could build a good bonding with your family just like mine.

Answer 2

Consider looking at this problem that needs to be solved in a different light. Your parents will always be your parents...you will always be a daughter. Perhaps laying low on the attitude that everything that comes out of a parent's mouth isn't really a personal attack. Somewhere down the line you accepted that rumor and it stuck with you....rather allowed it to interfere in personal growth. By owning the rebellion, which has been accomplished, the next step is to begin to repair relationships. Now that you are an adult don't expect your parents to be all that and do all that....or that means your still a child ok? With that said, invite them out to dinner, a show, if limited on funds or maybe not board games and pizza aren't just for kids ;)

Answer 3

I went through a really rebellous stage when I was growing up and it caused alot of conflict with my parents and when I decided to grow up and stop acting like an idiot I felt everyone should just forgive and forget and see the new me but I had damaged our relationship during that time and it took YEARS for people to see that I had changed and we could start working on our relationships again. Now my parents and I are very close and things are much better. Sometime it just takes alot of time, but it is worth it in the end.

Answer 4

My mother and I didn't have a great relationship when I was growing up. I wish I had this philosophy in life back then... just try to except her for her. Don't put any expectations on your conversations. My mom always seem to disappoint me when we talk, I expected her to be the mom I wanted. Now, I realize I just needed to except the mom I have for who she is. She still nags, gets on me, makes me feel like I am not as good as my sister but I hang up now feeling like "hey, its just the way she is" and that seems to let me be as close to her as I am ever going to get. Plus I don't feel so disappointed every time we talk. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

Have a heart-to-heart with each of them. Tell them how you feel, without arguing, about being criticized. Let them know that you understand their concern for you, their wanting "the best" for you; apologize for whatever you put them through during that "rebellious" stage. That's first.

Then, show yourself as an adult. Let them in on what you are doing in your life, your successes. Call and visit them more. Take an interest in their lives, what they are doing, what concerns they may have (unrelated or related to you), invite them to your place, treat them like you would "friends". suggest activities that you both enjoy (sports?, shopping?, movies?)

Nothing can be just "one way", though. If they truly want to be closer to you, they also have to make the effort.

Answer 6

make some time to do something special. my mom comes and visits me every 2 weeks and we do laundry together, talk about our lives and go out to lunch. its good to bond over normal everyday things. I think you need to reach out and make more of an effort to be apart of their lives. If they see you making an effort they will too! your their daughter and they love you, sometimes by just sitting together you grow a bond and more and more you will feel confidence to open up and be your true self!

Answer 7

I relatively have continually been close to to my mothers and dads, so I relatively have not been placed into your project. possibly your husband ought to call for you and easily to maintain your rigidity point down. one among my suitable pals have been given pregnant while she grow to be sixteen and while she instructed her mothers and dads, they flipped out and made her circulate out and fend for herself. She did no longer save the infant yet while she grow to be out of faculty, she have been given married and a few year after their wedding ceremony, she grow to be pregnant. She had talked to her mothers and dads over the 8 year hollow, however the telephone calls continually ended in yelling and crying. She began her verbal substitute along with her mom "even in spite of the incontrovertible fact that we don't communicate, i'm nonetheless your daughter and your daughter needs you to experience happy for her even decrease than the situations." She ultimately ended up telling her mom over the telephone, she wasn't the happiest women folk in the worldwide, yet she grew to grow to be closer to the family contributors. My opinion is you purely tell your mothers and dads and supply them the alternative whether that could be useful you out or purely stay in touch. it is going to tutor which you're an person and could make your person judgements without them criticizing them.

Answer 8

tell your parents what you typed down. it seems your mom just expects more from you because your such an achiever, it seems your mom misses you too. talk this all out and say you just want to start all over again. and that you wanna be a closer family again.

Answer 9

What always works for me is, write her a serious letter. Tell her straight up what you feel and be candid about what you tell her. Heaven forbid a tragedy where to strike and you never get that chance to bond... you will feel better about yourself and she/they will know what's in your heart. good luck.

Answer 10

I had the same desire growing up, but only managed to connect with my father the day before he died. My mother; well, I seriously doubt if it will ever happen.
Don't beat yourself up; its not your fault. just make sure the same thing doesn't happen between you and your children.