My daughter wants to date an older guy.?

Question

.My daughter has only just turned 16 and wants to date a guy who is 28.
Because I had her when I was 15 years of age, she feels as though she has the right to do what she wants and date an older guy.
I keep reminding her that I was young and made a lot of mistakes
but she insists on seeing him.
She is still at school and I am worried about her education.
Her father is out of the picture and my new husband dosn't know how to control her or the situation.
Her boyfriend is only a few years younger than myself and I think the whole thing is terribly bizare.
He is a nice guy but when I try to reason with him about dating a young girl, he says that she is mature and what he is looking for in a wife.
I'm at my wits end with her now.
Should I let her go and make her own decisions?
She is still living at home with me.
Help, I'm only a young mum but struggling with this mess.

Answer 1

Excuse me! she's what he is looking for in a wife?
What the hell does he think he's playing at.................

If you're in the UK then unfortunately she is within her rights to see him but it's your house & you don't have to condone it......you don't have to allow this pervert into your house.

While my kids were growing up...if they wanted to do anything they knew to be against what I would allow, they'd have to do it behind my back....I know some would say that if you give your blessing at least the girls at home & you can see she's safe, but for me if my kids were doing something they knew to be wrong, there was no way they could ask for my blessing; If you give that, you'll be giving very confusing signals to her.

Example; My sisters kid started to smoke at 13 & my sisters attitude was she would allow him to smoke indoors because she knew where he was & he was safe........for me! if my kids wished to smoke, then they did it behind my back, not sitting in my front room......fortunately I didn't face that particular problem.....

If you start to give in on stuff they'll forever recite that as a reason to do something else you're not happy with either.....you need to stick to your guns here, she'll thank you for it one day, yes she'll probably still continue to see this guy anyway but when she comes to her senses she'll remember that you stuck by what you believe to be right.

I wouldn't be getting into any arguements with her about it....just sit her down, explain that the fact you had a child at such a young age doesn't mean she can use that as an excuse for making mistakes herself & rather than her thinking you can't say anything because of your mistakes it in fact gives you freedom of speech in that you know the prices you paid & are only out to try & protect her from repeating them......I'd tell her it's not open to debate, she listens to you......& if she insists on seeing him then she does so without your blessing...................don't listen to anyone that says she'll hate you, not even if she says it...yes, she'll be angry but trust me if you don't stand up for what is right she will hate you anyway when she gets older & realises that you lacked the courage to stand up to her & for her.

That's it......I'd say no more about it & dis-allow her from trying to change your mind..........I wouldn't give any digs about it or even attempt to try & stop her from seeing him.....leave it entirely with her now, there's not much else you can do really.

I wouldn't pressure her in any way as she now knows where she & you both stand on this, be careful about over doing it as you don't want her to stick to her guns just to prove you wrong.............

Good luck & be strong, she's still learning here & the example you give will be the strongest, trust me I faced similar stuff when my youngest Daughter got addicted to cocaine at the age of 16....she even asked me to go with her to a drugs party!!!!!! we laugh about it now & she realises that she was so young & silly but she also says that had I handled it any other way she's not sure what the outcome would have been..............

Answer 2

First of all you got to take into to consideration that a man that is 28 interested in a 16 year old has maturity or other problems. He's probably found some young girl he can be in control of and is playing mind games with her. The fact that you were only 15 when you had her should have no relevance to the situation at all and let her know that. You are a mature adult now.

Reasure your daughter you believe in her and when she turns 18, if this man is still who she wants to see you'll support her. Likely he'll move on or she'll grow up and see he isn't worth dating. He'll be 30 then. My 18 year old daughter dates guys in their early 20's but it never works out because she is too imatature. I've tried to get her to date guys her age but she never has.

Good luck and hopefully this is just a phase.

Answer 3

your daughter still has her life to live, and lots of experiences to be had.
while she may be mature for her age, i doubt she is mature enough to deal with a full on relationship with a 28 year old.
i would be worried about why this 28 year old is not out looking for women his own age, and why he reckons a 16 year old is what he wants for a wife. i would see if a background check on him is possible, he may simply be out preying on young girls, however nice he may seem.

your daughter is at a very impressionable age and will be basking in the attention of having an older guy like her, and being the talk of all her friends.

to be honest, how many of us act the same as when we were 16? not many i would suspect, and perhaps its the young, carefree attitude he is attracted to. you would not want this man to date your daughter for a few years, then decide when she is older that she is not really what he is looking for. this would break her heart.

perhaps say to him that if he really cared about your daughter he would wait till she was 18 and she was a bit more wise of the world for her sake, not his.if he does care, he will do this because he would want to do what is best for her, not him.

and your daughter will rebel against you, all 16 year olds do, just remember she still loves you and when she is older she will thank you.

good luck.

Answer 4

No NO NO NO. The age difference is too great.
She cannot be old enough to deal with the pressures an older person can bring to bear. And a 28 year old male interested in a 16 year old girl is either grossly immature meaning he's a buttload of trouble or he is only interested in some fresh poontang. There are laws against this type of relationships for good reasons.

Answer 5

The more you tell her not to, the more she is going to be interested in him, I would let her date him, if you said he is a nice guy, the age difference is big but, some 16 years old can deal with it.....as long as they get along fine, and you approve of him, let her go....chances are she will do better in school, and if you don't keep harping on her, she may lose interest....Right now she will use the fact that you had her at 15, just tell her if she is going to have sex, to protect herself, not only from pregnancy, which would alter her life completely, but also from std's which could kill her. That should scare her a bit. Keep communication open with her, so that she will trust you enough to tell you everything and anything....I raised 4 boys and believe me when I tell you, you can't tell them who to see, and because I was very open with them, they told me things that had my hair standing up....nothing bad, just their experiences and I only gave suggestions, and opinions, but told them it was their choice which way they wanted to go, and 9 out of 10 times they listened...its incredible, so my answer to you is just keep the communication going and just advise, cause you know damn well they will do it behind your back anyway, so its better to know where they are at and help them with advice not orders. Sorry if I seem a little rude, but nowadays you have to be a parent and a friend. It works so much better than our parents being narrow minded and we still did what we wanted. Good Luck, I hope all works out.

Answer 6

Why not just be the one that says, "OK your how old and she is 16, how do you feel about jail time and being listed the rest of your life as a sexual predator?"

It does not matter how nice this guy seems to be. It is not a healthy relationship for her to be in at this age.

Apparently since your feeling defeated you already are in her eyes. Having been there and done that, since I can look back I would have done things differently with my own daughter.

She ending up VERY unhappily married and divorced. She blamed me for not stopping her since I was the adult.

That is what you have to look forward to if you can not find a way to help her now even though she says she does not want your help.

Good Luck and God speed.

Answer 7

isnt there a law about underage dating n stuff like dat like i have a friend whos 14 and she was talking to a guy whos around 21 and my other friends were mentioning that he can be arrested for startingn a relationship EITHER WAY ur her mum n u have full rites to still tell her wat is rite n wrong explin how it is wrong and the risks maybe then she'll get a better understanding and knowledge. and if dat guy whos 28 is looking for a 16 year old it means he cant get a gurl his own age and later on his family most likely will have problems. GUD LUK

Answer 8

What do u think a 28 year old man would want for a 16 year old?
U had her at an early age, do u want to be having kids so soon? Try and talk some sense into her.

Answer 9

Stop trying to be your daughter's buddy and act like a parent. Of course you should not let her "make her own decisions". Especially when it comes to sex with a guy nearly old enough to be her father. Never mind your own past. Tell your daughter in no uncertain terms that if you find out about the two of them seeing each other, you will call the cops and have loverboy in prison before he can say "but it was consensual".

Answer 10

No man in his right mind would want to date a sixteen year old. I stopped dating sixteen year olds when I was eighteen. What can they really have in common? Her friends should all be around her age, and his too. How does a sixteen year old meet a 28 year old man? When i was 34 I married a woman 9 years younger than me, it lasted 2 years. We found we had nothing in common. We liked different shows, different everything. Opposites may attract, but it doesn't make it right. In my state it is illegal for a man of that age to be with a sixteen year old. She should be dating, hanging with her friends, and not in a hurry to be like an adult. I would absolutly flip out if my sixteen year old wanted to date a man his age, and I would forbid it. What happens when she gets older, is he going to leave her for a younger woman?

Answer 11

The more you try to step her the More its going to appeal to her. That's the worse thing! I'm 17 and have been with my boyfriend (who is now 21) for 2 years...we didn't do anything till i was at the age of consent...but my mother was understanding about it, as we knew him for 3 years before anyway...but this sounds like you don't know this man at all...and you have the right to say no...but if you do you could push her away and she will go away with him and you could be a very young grandmother...so who not let them see each other on the understanding that they take things really slowly and she doesn't stay over his until she is 18 I really hope everything works out for you x