I have a friend who getting ready to marry some dud that is not at all for her in my thoughts of course. She invited me to her wedding but I'm not sure if I should go. Put it this way no one of her friends likes this guy and we all think she's rushing into things with him. Suggestions or comments welcomed.
2007-03-26 20:04:00 · 23 answers · asked by Steve A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
She very well may be rushing into things with this guy...and he may in fact be a dud, but being a friend-no matter how close- doesn't give anyone else the privaledge to choose her groom! While in a perfect world you would like to think that all those that attended your wedding actually supported the union, it doesn't happen like that.....your friend thinks enough of you to have you there to support HER! She wants this to be one of the biggest, most important days of her life and she's CHOSEN you as one of her friends to be there to witness it with her! What an honor! It doesn't matter what you think of him....it's what you think about her! And who knows, he may turn out to be a good guy after he settles down with a GREAT WOMAN!
2007-03-27 03:58:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you and your friends have serious reservations about your friend's fiancé, you may want to find a neutral time to sit down with her and tell her your concerns. Maybe you guys are seeing fatal flaws that she just can't see because she's "in love." Some fatal flaws might be: excess alcohol consumption; drug use; inability to hold down a job; usury (uses his friends without conscience); unfaithfulness (make sure you have solid proof!); lack of generosity; unkindness; volatile personality and quick temper; tendency toward violence, etc. This is not an exhaustive list. Just make sure that whatever the flaw is, it's something that could adversely affect your friend in the future (short or long term). Make sure this isn't just little quirks about the guy that you and your friends find annoying.
This is your friend's life and she has a right to choose whom she will marry. Your job as friends should be to support her, regardless of her choices (and that includes attending her wedding). If you decide to voice your concerns, make sure you couch your conversation in words of "care and concern for her well-being." Don't attack the personality or character of her fiancé. Point to specific actions that have you concerned. Otherwise, hold your peace and tell your friend you love her and will be there for her always. Even if she finds herself married a year down the road and realizes she made a big mistake. Be there for her.
P.S. Put the shoe on the other foot. If you were marrying a guy whom you adored but your friends hated, how would you feel if they didn't come to your wedding? The Golden Rule reigns supreme in friendships. : ) Good luck.
2007-03-27 03:20:41 · answer #2 · answered by Jen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to stay friends with her, go to the wedding. If the marriage turns out to be a big mistake, she's going to need the support of her friends. Going to the wedding doesn't mean you approve of the groom, it means that you are wishing her the best in the future.
One thing you can do for her: ask her very sincerely if she feels good about her decision. Ask if she has any doubts. But don't ask it in a way that sounds like YOU doubt her decision.
2007-03-27 03:17:42 · answer #3 · answered by MailorderMaven 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you did not go, I would think you were not being a good friend to her. She is going to be very hurt if none of her friends comes to her wedding, and ultimately she is going to feel that you should attend for HER sake. How long have they been dating? I may say to her, "Are you sure you want to rush in to this?...you have only known him for X amount of time..."Of course she would be more open to this question if she expressed her doubts to you...Has she ever asked any of you what you have thought of this guy? Maybe deep down she knows how you feel....but I would definately go to her wedding and show support to her on one of the most important days of her life....
2007-03-27 03:17:41 · answer #4 · answered by AugustMarch 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sit down and have a talk with your friend. You tell her what your thoughts are about this guy and you tell her that you don't completely approve of her marrying him. Give her your reasons. Then you go to her wedding and support your friend (if you are still invited).
2007-03-27 07:36:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go.. You may not like the guy but wouldn't your friend be upset if you don't go. She may take it as an insult and end the friendship. You need to let her make her own mistakes, and for all you know, it could be you that is wrong. Be there to support her and enjoy the wedding.
2007-03-27 03:14:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The question being would *I* go to this wedding, so I will answer as myself. If I were still planning on being there for her during this marriage and in the event it breaks up and they divorce, then yes, I would attend the wedding.
If I were so disillusioned and fed-up and disgusted with her that I wanted to wash my hands of her, then no I would not go.
2007-03-27 09:04:36 · answer #7 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two ways to look at this - you go, and support your friend, unconditionally, even though you don't like the dude OR you protest by not going.
You will have more fun if you GO to the wedding, and hang with your friends.
2007-03-27 09:10:01 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are saying you are her friend, then you need to go. You and all of her "friends" need to be there for her. Whether you all are thinking he's a jerk and she is rushing into things is a little out of your hands. Let her find out for her self and be there for her on her happy day. Then IF things do go bad, you will have the chance to be there for her too. If you don't attend her wedding, i think you will regret it one day.
2007-03-27 03:13:28 · answer #9 · answered by Squeakers 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It really depends..... i was in the same situation and I didn't go but I actually had a fight with the bride..... I was suppose to be in the wedding and she wanted us to spend $2,000 on her dress, shower and parties..... and it was her second marriage and I hated the guy she was marrying. So my situation was pretty extreme and I couldn't afford to be in this wedding. But as a guest- I would go.
2007-03-27 09:35:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋