Is this cutting? What should we do?

Question

Our kid is a good kid. She has always been a good kid.

She's 12 and lives with her Dad and me during the week - and Mom on most weekends & holidays.

I don't get along with her Mom very well. I try very hard - but there has been some friction lately - as our ideas about raising a kid are VERY different.

Today it became clear that she's been lying - a lot - about homework. I talked with her on the phone and said we would meet with her teacher - and she was very upset.

Later I called back to check in with her - and asked what was up - and she said that her thumb hurt. I asked why - and she told me she'd cut it with the scissors. I asked her what she was cutting - "Dad's birthday card" ? And she said - yes. But after I thought about it - that seemed unlikely.

She was sexually molested by her Mom's boyfriend for about a year from 8 - 9. She did a year of intense counseling - & has seemed to be doing ok.

Could this be cutting? How do we know - and what do we do?

Answer 1

It seems like its highly likely to just be teen anxiety, ie many things not seeming to go right at once (from her point of veiw, remember teenagers do tend to overdramatise things, particularly when they know they are doing the wrong thing.)

Cutting once, could be an accident, but if you start to see warning signs such as:-


Small, linear cuts. "The most typical cuts are very linear, straight line, often parallel like railroad ties carved into forearm, the upper arm, sometimes the legs," Rosen tells WebMD. "Some people cut words into themselves. If they're having body image issues, they may cut the word 'fat.' If they're having trouble at school, it may be 'stupid,' 'loser,' 'failure,' or a big 'L.' Those are the things we see pretty regularly."

Unexplained cuts and scratches, particularly when they appear regularly.

Mood changes like depression or anxiety, out-of-control behavior, changes in relationships, communication, and school performance. Kids who are unable to manage day-to-day stresses of life are vulnerable to cutting.
Over time, the cutting typically escalates -- occurring more often, with more and more cuts each time, "It takes less provocation for them to cut. It takes more cutting to get the same relief -- much like drug addiction. And, for reasons I can't explain but have heard often enough, the more blood the better. Most of the cutting I see is quite superficial, and looks more like scratches than cuts. It's the sort that when you put pressure on it, it stops the bleeding."

There are and can be other warning signs also, if at all, you are feeling like it is becoming beyond your control, the best thing to do would be to see a doctor, privately at first, and then with your daughter.

Answer 2

I myself am a Cutter. At a young age like 11, it shouldn't be viewed as cutting. This could be just a cut, but does have a small possiblility of something that may begin to build up especially given such a truamatic background. Keep a loose eye on her and see if similar cuts begin to manifest. It will start very small, but anything that may seem like a very precise laceration is a definite sign. Give her the benefit of the doubt, and try not to be overly protective or suspicous. Like I said before, it could be nothing, but using your better judgement and common sense, you'll figure out if she's cutting or not. Always keep her privacy her own, but if suspicion build up on you, check her drawer and boxes or sharp oject like one month at the most. But please have some faith she is strong enough to pass by this act completely. Cutting is something that occurs for many different reasons. I have my own and others have completey different ones. Same thing goes with truama.

Hope I helped some.

Answer 3

Poor kid. She has probably got so much going on inside her head right now. Her parents have been divorced, she may resent your position though you try hard, she has likely hit puberty.

It's good that you care so much about her. All I can say is to love her. Give her extra love right now. Be a good example. Be strong and unwaivering so that she knows she wont get away with lying but no matter what she does you and her dad (and mom) will always lover her and be there for her. Also, rise above. Dont give in to arguing with her mom. That is probably causing a lot of turmoil within her.

I have a very strong willed son and have recently gone through a divorce. Since I have gotten him more involved in church and cub scouts he has been feeling a lot better and minding better.

Encourage her to do her best and get involved with something she loves to do. Stand by her and lover her through this. Be tough though and one day she will thank you for it.

Answer 4

look for the signs, unexplained cuts or scratches. long sleeves or pants in warm weather, blood on the inside of clothes. withdrawing from physical contact. if it is cutting you need to stop it now. with her past as it is, it is very possible she has engaged in self-injury. it is a very dangerous path that will get worse if she doesn't stop. she will probably need professional help if she has been cutting because no matter how much she loves you, she will still lie to protect herself and to protect you from the pain she is in.

Answer 5

What you do is go and see her. I'm sure you have done this anyway. I am assuming that she is not your daughter? If not then you need to identify a good caretaker or parental figure for her.

Answer 6

Next time you see her talk to her about it. I doubt that she would tell you if she done it on purpose..but you should talk to her about it anyways, and let her know that she can always talk to you if she needs to.