So my older son is used ot having his cell phone his own things etc...... over the last months i notice his is selfish and i really dont like since his is used to having evrything he wants i decide to take everything away from him since he has grown to be spoiled and it is not my fault when he was leaving with his mom he was used to just throwing things that he didnt like or what he just wore once and i dont like that so i decide to take everything away from him and acutally not giving money at all because i want him to learn how life really is am i doing the correct thing the worst part is all a sudden after i took everything his started misbehaving and now is made his mom go and pay him a new cell phone and etc he told me that he wasnt gonna go to school to because he doesnt like wearing "used cheap" clothes" should i report him at school for being traunt or am i going to do bad for reporting it is to much since i have to pay his stupid cell phones bill from 439.50 and other thing!!
2007-03-26 18:20:36 · 12 answers · asked by unknoww 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i am divorced with his mom
2007-03-26 18:32:25 · update #1
It sounds like your ex is TRYING to make things difficult for you. If MOM gets him the phone... MOM PAYS for the phone... If you see reason that he shouldn't have it, then he should only be allowed to have it when he's WITH HER...
If she puts it in your name, have it taken off and make sure that NO ONE can add on to your account BUT YOU!
First you need to talk calmly with her. Are you the custodial parent or do you have joint custody? I've heard where courts can declare best interest of the child when parents won't cooperate. You need to come to an agreement and sit down with him together. Let him know that the 2 of you have caught onto the game and you're NOT playing anymore. The parents are in agreement now, so he can't play you against each other. (If you can't do this, then it's a great disservice to your son, as he will not learn responsible behavior and limits for his future. He will play you against each other EVERY chance he gets... and the truths will ALWAYS be twisted in his favor... He will actually be the one who will suffer the most in the long run...)
Come up with ways of earning privileges and consequences that will get them taken away. Also there should be limits on those privileges if he doesn't use them responsibly.
I know that our company T-Mobile, has a kids plan, where the parent can alot how many minutes they are allowed. When they've used their minutes, it doesn't work for calls outside the network until the next month. Mobile to mobile within the network remain available and free. If he EARNS more time, the parent can go in and allow the allotted extra minutes...
GOOD LUCK!!! ; )
2007-03-26 18:58:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are doing the right thing by taking away the things that he is privelaged to have. Stick with your decision, but his mother also needs to do the same without the consistancy he will never change. Also keep in mind he is also probably acting out, which may be the result of you and his mother being divorced. Seriously sit down and have a talk with him about his actions and make sure he understands why you are doing what you are doing. Explain to him that his cell phone bill is out of control. Compromises are a good thing you may want to look into a prepaid phone and let him earn his minutes by good grades and other tasks. He'll learn to appreciate things more if he has to work for them. He is at that point in his life where he is trying to find himself and with that you must keep in mind as a parent you are not there to live your life through your son nor are you there to live his life for him, you can only guide him.
2007-03-27 09:01:15 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is indeed a big problem. You will not solve it by "tough love".
Children from divorced families, are angry to begin with and act out. The fact that you, and your ex do not have the same set of rules is confusing to your son. The ONLY WAY TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM, is to discuss the whole situation regarding your sons behavior with your ex. Explain to her that even though your marraige did not work out, you both want the same thing for your son, That he should mature into a responsible, and good person. That he has to learn what priorities in life to choose in order for him to succeed in his future.
That said, you and your wife have to come up with the same rules, and regulations on how to handle your son. When he sees a UNITED FRONT in order for him to learn the proper values in life. Once your son sees that you are both united and consistant in what you expect of him, and he sees that he cannot manipulate the two of you. That he cannot say, "well mom lets me do this or that" then eventually (and it will take time) everything will fall into place.
Even in a two parent family, one parent should not disagree with the other parent what is permissable, and what is not in front of the child. They should always discuss it privately, and come up with the same response to the childs needs, desires, on how to handle a situation.
When parents disagree in front of thier child, it is the root cause of thier misbehaving. Ever heard of the expression "united we stand" . It is when your son sees the two of you disagreeing that is his SIGNAL to misbehave, and pit the two of you against each other. He might think that he won, but when he grows up he will be the loser. And so will your ex and you. I implore you to take what I advised very,very seriously.
2007-03-26 19:57:39 · answer #3 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like your son is a pretty good manipulator. The tough part is that it will only get worst before it gets better. Sit down with your son and tell him what you think and what you would like to do. This will be your head-ups. As soon he gets out of line, bring him back to reality but be ready for a fight. This will be a very hard period. The worst thing you can do is break, this will show your son weakness. Eventually, after the storm, come out the sunshine. But brace yourself for one hell of a storm. All this effort will be worth it at the end. The key is to maintain a good communication.
2007-03-26 18:28:53 · answer #4 · answered by Lou 1 · 4⤊ 2⤋
you are doing the right thing. absolutely. but you need to talk to his mother about this. if she is still buying him everything, she may not see it the way you do! he does need to learn to work for everything he wants. tlak to her about him getting a job to pay for his own cell phone bill, clothing, etc. he needs to learn that stuff or when he moves out on his own he could get bad credit and im sure you know where that could lead. sit down, all three of you and discuss the problem and find a solution that works for all of you!
2007-03-26 18:26:34 · answer #5 · answered by green.eclipse 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are defenitly doing the right thing that boy is just much to spoiled. If he doesnt like wearing not expensive clothes and he whines, you ust have to say "Be a man, stop crying, and get over it." eventully he will. all of my clothes came from my sister and usually a coupleyears outdated. I really dont care. And if he thros away perfect clothes, donate them, and say he cant go shopping untill he outgrows his clothes. You gotta give him tough love. Dont worry about him being mad at u.
2007-03-26 18:29:37 · answer #6 · answered by hello_gould 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
He tell him that if he wants stuff get a JOB... I had one in Jr H/S..
Your dooing the right thing. His mom spoiled him, by being his friend and not a parent. You have to break him...
2007-03-26 18:27:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow, it's a huge amount.
I guess the best way is still to talk to him.
ask him , ' are u doing this because u wanna get back to me for any mistake i did?'
i think he has some hidden hatred toward u.i think. butthe best way to figure it out is still by asking him.
another thing u can do, u might approach his best friend, and talk to him/her. Kids do not share with family, they share with friends.u can tell his freind how u love ur son, and u would do anything to make him a better person.
but dun tell his friend to deliver this 'news' to ur son.
make it sound natural like u are sharing with a friend.
his friend will in turn tell ur son.
just remember that kids listen to their friends .
2007-03-26 18:27:23 · answer #8 · answered by kylie 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Let's see now YOU give him everything he wants every time he demands it then get pissed because he's selfish? Who the hell do you think MADE him that way? YOU and his mother over induldged him and want to blame HIM for his behavior? YOU RAISED HIM THIS WAY...It's YOUR FAULT
2007-03-26 20:26:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Kick his butt off to boot camp!!!! If he were my kid, he wouldn't even be living under my roof...
Sorry but your son's Mom is a weak loon...she needs as bad as your son to understand what to value in life and values aren't really met til they make sacrifices...
Unless your name is on the bill....don't pay it and you can take him to small claims court for taking it all for granted...sounds to me you really have to get harsher and so does his Mom...Money doesn't grown on trees!! Your son, as I see is a nut that never took its ground...if he keeps this up....He will never be a mighty Oak that once was a nut that stood its ground, Good luck!
Once again, kick him off to BOOT CAMP!!!!
2007-03-26 18:26:07 · answer #10 · answered by Rmprrmbouncer 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋