is it rape?

Question

a friend of mine has been through an odd experience where her lover didn't stop when she told him to. Apparently she got into it and enjoyed it when he kept teasing her but the point is that he didn't stop when asked....??
What are your thoughts on this?
She said she felt weird about the whole thing and a little used

Just to clear a few things up she told him to stop about 4 times, she told me she was a bit shocked when he didn't listen to her.
Thanks for all your answers, I didn't know how to help her or what to say when she told me.

Answer 1

I can't tell you to be honest, but rape or not, that sounds like a bad relationship regardless.

A guy should definitely respect a girl when she says no.

This might not hold up in court or anything because of the argument of her enjoying it, but I think you should advise her to get out of that relationship.

Answer 2

In theory the )Oprah-mentality) answer would be "no" means 'no", however that is hardly relevant to apparent fact pattern you've described and the issue is far more complicated, and cannot be answered unless one is given a precise fact pattern, and even then - there are gray areas unsettled under the laws in various jurisdictions - assuming this happened in the United States

In reality an ambiguous and not explicit and non vociferous withdrawal of consent in the context of an otherwise encouraging ("got into it and enjoyed it) "victim" - would mean that it in a legalistic sense such a charge of rape would have little likelihood of success

You state "her LOVER didn't stop when she told him to"

I presume by her "lover" this means they had been having relationships before this event

A prior relationship does not prevent it from being rape, however its one of a series of facts that would be have to judged whether consent in fact was clearly withdrawn

Answer 3

It's not necessarily rape, but in way it is at the same time. Even though it felt weird and she stopped him to ask if he didn't respect her wishes she should've hit him where the sun don't shine and I'm serious sista!!! Okay,why? Well I had a BF that came on to me way too fast and he pushed me on his bed and started making out with me and I knew if I didn't do anything about it he would've tried to go farther just to see how far I'd let him go, although I didn't kick him where it hurts I pushed all 210 pounds off of me onto the floor and stayed downstairs until my mom came to get me, it was my first boyfriend when I was fourteen and we dated on again off again, although I should've been smart about it and broke up with him from day one when his dad said sit your f...... a.. down when I was shy and was getting to meet the parents. My point is your friend deserves better then that and I honestly think she should've done something or did what I did and left him there knocked out on the floor and he was just kissing me and it made me feel uncomfortable. Be wise and to be honest she was being used.

Answer 4

I have been in her position. Any time you say no, it is rape.

The problem is is that you said she "got into it and enjoyed it when he kept teasing her". At that point, I think it becomes more consentual. She needs to learn to draw the line and stand by that line. The man she was with clearly does not respect the intimacy of sex, and he is not a safe person to be with. Perhaps knowing how she feels, she will be more selective and careful about her partners. And more respectful of her body.

Answer 5

Oh my word....it she said no 4times that could constitute as rape or sexual harassment.

The tricky part comes into the fact that she consented to have sex in the beginning. But by law, no matter at what point if a women says no, the man should stop

So what u can do to help is too seek the help of a social worker, & ask for their advice on how to proceed. Good luck

Answer 6

That isn't rape because at some point she had consent. Asking for him to stop is different than him physically holding her down and not letting her have the final say. It was wrong of him to do that and your friend should reconsider being with someone who doesn't respect her, but it doesn't sound like a rape situation to me.

Answer 7

If she told him to stop, and he didn't.. it's rape.

I don't care what the circumstances leading up to it were.. if a woman, or a man for that matter.. EVER says they aren't comfortable, to stop, etc... then it's wrong.... period, end of sentence.

It doesn't take fored actions, like tearing off someone's clothes, or brandishing a weapon, or beating them up to gain sex, or sexual actions..to be qualified as "rape"...
ANYTIME you aren't comfortable in the situation and ask someone to stop, they should...and if they don't, they violated you.

I would tell your friend she should speak to a counselor, there are free services for advice and counseling set up for people like her, from the extreme cases of domestic violence to the one's who "aren't sure, but aren't comfortable about what happened to them"... they are trained to know how to deal with stuff like this, and can offer a lot more than any of us can.
Look in the phone book, or even call the hospital to ask about a phone number or service she can confide in... she can remain anonymous, if she's nervous.

Answer 8

By definition, yes its rape, but when she said no...did she REALLY mean no? Personally, I wouldn't get too worked up about it.

I'm a woman too, I've been in similar situations. There have been times when I have said no because of guilt, or maybe I was scared, having second thoughts, or couldn't keep my mind made up. However, which ever one it was in the back of my mind i KNEW if i really wanted him to stop or not ("D*mn, I feel so confused, but soo good...yes...no....yes...no.....whatever, YES!!").

Trust me, she's not stupid, she knew what was really going on in her mind. She has to be honest with herself and you can't help her do that...

Besides, if she really felt she was being raped, she would've pushed, shoved, yelled, bite....whatever a girl has to do

Answer 9

The word stop or no are not negotiable or open for interpretation. Lover or not, what did he not understand about the word or command to stop? Is it rape? In a word--yes.

Answer 10

Yes, it should be considered rape.

Even though the girl might have been aroused, she should be the one controlling her body.

When she said to stop, the guy should have respected her wishes and immediately stop.

Any male claims like "she wanted it" is not valid; guys will say anything to exert control over females.