What is the ettiquette on family wedding day conflicts?

Question

I hope ya'll can help my best friend is getting married. the problem though is that her aunt is getting married for the second time possibly her 3rd marriage, any way both my friend and her aunt chose the day of the anniversary of her aunts parents, my friends grandparents, may they rest in peace. HOwever her aunt seems to bet trying to get her to switch the date or make a luncheon instead of a dinner party at a golf resort. The aunt is putting her down and telling her it would be best and more economic since my friend and her fiance have a baby and are students and working, and they do find it a bit challenging to come up with perhaps $10-12 thousand. Who should step down from the wedding date, the rude aunt even mentioned my friend moving her wedding a day after may i add my friend is 19 her first wedding and the aunt is in her 50's with four kids she has the right to get married again but seems very selfish. she even commented she shouldn't have the wedding since my friend doesnt

have the money and she does. Which i think is insensitive since her and her fiance both have full time well paying jobs. So what should she do or say to the aunt regarding the wedding date and to any rude comments that she may keep saying to her?

oh yea the aunt is having a small garden wedding at her home....and my friend would like to have a more formal event.

I too think the newlyweds deserve the date.

Answer 1

wow this is a sticky situation.

the only advice i can think of is, don't let her aunt get her down. it's a happy event for the both of them! keep her positive.

second, who ever got engaged first has first dibs when it comes to family marriages. that way all the family can join in the celebration and theres no harsh feelings from the family having to choose which wedding to attend and gift/money wise it will be easier on everyones pocket books. however, her aunt should be respectful and wait if your friend was the first to get engaged. even if your friend wasnt the first one to get engages, they both can have the same date just different years. there's nothing wrong with that.

as for her aunt telling her how to have her wedding, that's just rude. its your friends choice to have however expensive of a wedding she wants as long as she can afford it. really its no ones business how much money she spends and who's paying for what. when it comes to money tell her to keep it low key to avoid jealousy. the best way to handle money from family members is to tell family if they want to contribute they can but it has to be a set amount. not paying for things individually. that way the bride and groom can choose whatever they want and however they want their wedding with out people butting in an saying no you much have these cookies because im paying for them! even if they don't like them.

best of blessings to them and i hope the aunt becomes more understanding.

Answer 2

The aunt is having a small informal wedding at her home so she has a lot more flexibility in her planning. It is also not her first wedding, she should do the gracious thing and let the niece/first time bride have the date. I would think the aunt would not want someone doing something like that to one of her children if they were to marry and she should not do it to someone else. Unless there is some unavoidable reason the aunt just HAS to have that day (it is the only time before her soon to be husband ships out in the military - or something along those lines) she should let your friend have the date.

Answer 3

Sounds like you have a very rude aunt there. I think that your friends first marriage should come first. It's not asking too much to have the wedding of your dreams the first time around. Don't let your friend be bullied by this aunt of hers into changing her plans. Her aunt has had her big day in the light and her second... it's time for her to let the light shine on someone else for a change.

I'd tell the bride and groom to tell the aunt that they are NOT changing any of their plans. That they picked the date and that everything has been planned for that date. That the aunt should be the one to change the date seeing as how she's gotten married so many times that she should understand that it's rude to ask her to change her date.

If worse comes to worse than you can just let guests choose who's wedding is more important for them to go to. My guess is that your friend is going to get the majority of the guests.

Answer 4

I think your friend should tell the Aunt that since this is her "first" big day she is going to do it as she wishes... The plans are set and if she would like to come she is more than welcome. I just got married last month and everyone was saying oh you should move the date, or some had something else planned, but I said "We've decided on the plans, please come if you can" we ended up getting married on that day, my father wasn't able to come nor my grandma BUT it was still the best day of my life.... This is a special day, and no Aunt should change that... if she is being mean, be nice right back, but not "soft", support your own decisions and stand by your words, hope this helps your friend ! Tell her Good luck and Congrats !!! :)

Answer 5

Flip a coin.

Why is your teenaged friend's wedding more important than her aunt's? Because it's her first? Please. She's 19. The chances that this marriage will work out are very slim, and not just because of her age. Why didn't she think about getting married *before* she had a baby? Give me a break. It sounds as if she is being a spoiled brat and she thinks her life is more important than her aunt's. Who chose the date first? I know I will get lots of thumbs downs for this but I don't care.

Answer 6

Absolutely in agreement!
First off the family should respect that it is your friends first wedding. People should be jumping to make it her perfect day.
Who's to say her aunt will even stay married with that track record?
Your friend should have her wedding that day regardless, let her aunt have it anyway I'm sure the family would rather attend your friends first wedding. People don't usually take a third wedding seriously.
Good luck to your friend

Answer 7

Since its the friends first wedding and going to be formal I would think she should not have to step down from that date. Tell the rude aunt very politely that you refuse to change the date because it has a lot of meaning to the both of you and you wish her wedding and marriage a success :o)

Answer 8

I think that your friend should tell her aunt that if it is that important that she (the aunt) get married on that exact date, that her aunt should postpone it for exactly one year and have it then. Maybe by then she will have changed her mind once again and saved herself not only the cost of the wedding but the cost of the inevitable divorce as well! Then tell her she should calculate the amount of money that she would save by not getting married that day and give a percentage of it to the young couple as a wedding/thank you gift for helping her save that money. Did I say that? Oops, my bad! By the way, watch out! I think that Taraloha is actually the aunt trying to disguise herself on-line or maybe her just-as-evil step-twin (tee-hee).

Answer 9

I would have to tell my aunt how selfish she is being. This is your friend's first wedding! It's none of her aunt's business how she pays for it. Where is your friend's parents? Her mom or dad should talk to their sister.

Answer 10

tell the aunt her plans are firm and people will attend whichever one they prefer