Confident women a turnoff for men?

Question

This one is aimed towards the guys, but anyone should feel free to answer.

I was just wondering why is it the women want confident men, but men seem not to like confident women? I know there is a difference between cocky and confidence, but even then it seems cocky guys still win out in the end.

I also noticed that guys say that it is a turnoff when a woman knows or thinks she is attractive/hot. Why is that? It doesn't seem like as big of an issue when a guy thinks he is hot, so why is it any different for a woman?

Just want some feedback and please refrain from being obnoxious.

Answer 1

Lots of men like confident women. I do.

I believe that self-confidence is about the ability to feel at ease socially, and to help others feel at ease.

It isn't about being arrogant or making others feel inferior.

The reason that cocky men are successful is that many men are extremely poor communicators, and hard to get to know at all. Many women would prefer to be with someone who is arrogant, but can at least communicate, than a mumbling modest boring niceguy.

I'd say that self-regarding or vain men are regarded more negatively than their female counterparts. Vanity is acceptable among women to a degree that is unthinkable among heterosexual men.

But I also think that its best not to believe too much in these sorts of generalisations. There are so many exceptions.

Answer 2

It really varies on the person. Some men want a woman who is not so confident for a few reasons. I've heard of a few guys prizing this because that means that they get to make the girl feel better about herself and they feel accomplished/needed. I've also heard of guys who do that to increase the girl's dependence on them.

Now, some other guys love confident women who have it together. Confidence is incredibly sexy. It can turn a pretty girl into a knockout. Beauty is all about how you stand, carry yourself, and present yourself and confidence really drives that. Also, being with a confident woman means the guy doesn't have to constantly reassure her, so it's less work for him. Some guys also really like independent women because they don't feel as though they always have to babysit/entertain her.

I'm really insecure (working on it, though!) and my boyfriend gets frustrated sometimes. He's been patient though. More patient than other guys would've been. Overall, I think he really likes confident, composed women, but he loves me and is willing to help me through this.

Answer 3

It's all about relative self esteem.

There's a certain type of guy - you probably know the type, acts confident and cocky mainly because they're really very insecure - that would likely be put off by a confident woman.

A guy who's truly sure of himself a.) doesn't act cocky, and b.) would appreciate a woman who is the same.

But beyond that, men in general have a deep-down need to be needed, and a woman who appears super-confident and in control might be intimidated for that reason ("she can handle herself - why would she need me?"). And most likely, men aren't going to even recognize this as the reason they are put off.

I'd think a truly confident woman should look for a guy willing to stick around and get to know her - once he gets to see that, like everyone, she needs others, he'll be hooked.

Answer 4

I feel that the men who say that confident woman are a turnoff are the men who are too afraid to approach confident women for fear of rejection, or those men just know darn good and well that they are not up to par themselves. It's real easy to say you're not interested to save face rather than go after the one all the guys are drooling over only to fall flat on your face. And unless the guy who knows he is hot has the personality to make you overlook that, he's really not all that hot after all. Ya know?

Answer 5

Most men like to be in charge, being generically programmed to be the hunter gatherer. This does tend to make many men wary of confident women as they feel deep inside that these women are taking over their role of being 'in charge'.
Another problem men find with confident woman is that they tend to let this confidence overflow into areas they know nothing about therefore pissing everyone off severely.
I personally don't have any problem with women who think they're hot, as long as it doesn't go to their head. This goes for men too.

Answer 6

People are steryotypical. Confident women know what they want and wont let anyone try to run their lives; they're independent. Confident women are the one's that 'wear the pants' in relationship, making the guy the weak one. What guy ever wants to be considered any more weak then they already are? The same with the attractive thing. If a women likes her body already, she doesn't need the compliments from a guy to know that she's beautiful/atrractive. Guys want to feel needed, and confident/independent women don't need that all so much.

Answer 7

OK, I can't answer for others, but one thing that's a turnoff about a woman who knows she's attractive is because she also knows that that is why guys are nice to her and that a lot of guys would do anything for her simply because she's attractive. It's hard to resist the temptation to capitalize on that---I'm not saying she automatcally would or that it's "a woman thing".
Does this say something bad about women? Maybe. But then it also says something bad about guys too

Answer 8

It doesn't matter much that some men are intimidated by confident women or smart women or pretty women. What you want is a guy who isn't. To hell with the rest of them.

Answer 9

Arrogance and conceit are turn offs no matter what sex is flaunting it. That is different than confidence and self esteem. I personally prefer a woman who knows what she wants and can handle herself in any situation, that's not to say bitchy. A quivering blob of flesh is not appealing either so I don't know who would find that attractive. You'd be afraid to leave them alone.

Answer 10

Your question is probably a turn off for the woman ....that what she is telling herself and if she says it often enough she will believe it The best thing in a relationship is to give and get the feeling of being loved...fill up the love tanks There is a real good book that has all about "how to fill your love tank" get it or download the audio and read it ....The Five Love Languages by Garry Chapman. You will learn what you need to do to make you and your partner feel loved