How to say, "In lieu of gifts" on party invitation?

Question

For my child's birthday party, I am considering adding "in lieu of gifts, please donate to..."

I know it's not proper to mention gifts (registry, sizes, etc), but isn't this the same thing?

We just want to throw a fun party for her. She is young and has special needs, and therefore, it's kind of hard to shop for her.

The donations would go to benefit her specific causes-which is a rare condition. Is it wrong to mention anything about gifts, or is this okay?

I also want people to donate in their own name, versus "in her name", so that way they get the credit for giving to the cause.

Also, if it is okay to mention in the invitation, then do I add it on a separate paper-like the map sheet, or do I include it at the bottom of the invite?

Answer 1

From Miss Manners' book: "Regardless of your motives, there is no tasteful way -- not even any moderately decent way -- of directing present giving when you are on the receiving end. Contrary to general belief present giving is never required. It is traditionally associated with birthdays, Christmas and weddings, but cannot be used as an entrance fee to related festivities. Another practice that has confused is [those] who ask that 'contributions be made to a charity... Your guests should not have to 'memorialize' you with a charitable contribution in your name [or theirs]."

Your motives are altruistic but the only acceptable mention of gifts on any invitation is the one that says, "No gifts, please." If you only want a fun party without gifts, this should please both you and your guests.

Answer 2

Let's get one thing straight: the whole point of etiquette is to look at things from the other person's point of view and then attempt to avoid insulting them.

Therefore, I think to answer the question you need to decide how the people who receive it will take it. I have certainly heard it said that you should not mention gifts on an invitation. The assumption seems to be that you are inviting people to a nice party for which no return gift is required.

However, speaking from experience I (and most likely you) can say that no parent would send their kid to another's party without a gift if they could possibly afford it. It's just not done. We do it for other people's kids and, though we would not at all feel insulted if they didn't do it for ours, we would expect them to be bringing a gift.

Therefore, I would have absolutely no problem with saying something on an invitation. If I were to see it, I'd say "that's really nice." Come to think of it, I did receive an invitation once that said that since Christmas had just passed, no gifts were necessary. No insult taken.

HOWEVER, I would not suggest phrasing it in a way that you are telling them not to bring a gift. I would suggest something, but leave the guest open to bring a gift if they really want to. In other words, I see nothing wrong with making such a suggestion: it's when you get down to telling people how to spend their money that you've crossed the line.

Answer 3

In Lieu Of A Gift

Answer 4

Personally, I have no problem with someone mentioning that on an invitation. It's very practical and eases the person's mind as to how to handle a gift. I am also ok with wedding invitations that list the places they are registered...how else are you supposed to know? I think I saw an invitation once that read something like, "We would consider the pleasure of having you as our guest to be a gift. If you would like to give a gift, we would be honored to have you make a donation to your favorite charity." I thought that was fine. I don't think I'd mention whether or not to make it in her name...let them decide. Best Wishes! :)

Answer 5

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RE:
How to say, "In lieu of gifts" on party invitation?
For my child's birthday party, I am considering adding "in lieu of gifts, please donate to..."

I know it's not proper to mention gifts (registry, sizes, etc), but isn't this the same thing?

We just want to throw a fun party for her. She is young and has special...

Answer 6

Yes, it would not be proper to tell the guests what to bring to a birthday party.

I would not mention "in lieu of gifts".

Answer 7

The extra sheet of paper would be the way to go.If they want to bring a gift,have a wishing well for them to put cash gifts and cards in.The cash can then be done with as you wish.I have been to several affairs that had wishing wells and money trees.They just put the well or tree was added on the extra info sheet.They were huge successes.Hope this helps.

Answer 8

I'd wear loose white drawstring pants or capris, sandals without socks :D, and an awesome tie-dye in luau colors or a floral shirt, prolly tee shirt version, not button up. Cutesy. But that's just me. All hidden by winter coats. Heh. It's fun!