I am having a formal wedding, the ceremony is starting at 4pm (this is the latest time I could arrage it for because the church does not allow weddings after that time). I have my heart set on this church and do not want to change locations. Traditionally, no one wears a tuxedo before 5 pm, but after the ceremony (which is a catholic one so it will be a lil bit more lengthy) we are having a cocktail hour and a reception which will last until about 11pm. Is putting "Black Tie Affair" enough to get the point across that it is very formal? I am using very formal invitations, do I need the save the dates to be just as formal?
It's not white-tie kind of formal, but all of my 6 bridesmaids are wearing floor length black gowns and we are having a 10 piece band for music at the reception.
Any suggestions to make sure no one shows up in a polo shirt, or is 4pm just too ridiclious to request this sort of thing?
2007-03-26 15:39:17 · 9 answers · asked by Marie521 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just for clarification, this is a Manhattan wedding, and most people who are attending the wedding own tuxedos of their own. My issue is not getting people to rent them, butt to know to wear them at a 4pm wedding since normally you'd wear them after 5pm. It will also be a wedding of 200+ as the guest list stands now. (Just to give an idea of where I am coming from)
2007-03-26 15:57:07 · update #1
Usually people judge the attire by the reception not the ceremony. And if the reception starts at 5, and it's in Manhattan--most people will assume it is formal.
Also, it is quite the norm to have a wedding webpg now for information. Put on the site that its a formal event, also let it be spread word of mouth.
Most people are going to wear a tux or nice suit to a wedding anyway --the ceremony won't be done until after 5 so this is rather evening and especially as the reception is 6-11, I can't see anyone thinking polo is acceptable attire. I think your fears are unfounded. The worst case is someone in a $200 sundress from Saks. In that case, it's more important to inform anyone you think might wear a polo. There is probably only a couple people that you worry about their fashion sense.
A simple "Black (or white) tie optional" will be more than adequate but I wouldn't worry about it. Most people will know its obvious with a "cocktail hour" and a 6-11 reception that it's formal. Though etiquette states the only acceptable way to spread the dress code is word of mouth.
2007-03-26 16:34:24 · answer #1 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have the printer put "Black Tie Optional" at the bottom of the invitation. This should ensure that you have no polo shirts or jeans (not that this is proper attire for ANY wedding!). Having the "optional" will allow guests who don't want to or have the means to rent a tux, the choice of wearing a suit and tie instead. This is what I'm doing. Technically, you are correct about not wearing a tux before 5, but since the actual reception will be after 5, it's perfectly fine. Just so you know, even by printing "Black Tie" on the invite, you will probably have some goof who shows up not properly dressed. It's no reflection on you, there are some things you just can't control. At my best friends wedding, a huge affair in Westchester, she had two ladies show up in capri pants and sandals and one guy in dockers for an evening event.
2007-03-26 16:24:40 · answer #2 · answered by MelB 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm having a similar problem and have been called a bridezilla on more than one occasion because of it. I would deff suggest that you write "black tie affair" on the lower part of the invitation. As for save the dates... i was told that unless you're having a destination wedding or a lot of your guests are traveling a very long distance that they are unnecessary now. And that was my consultant from the invitations place that told me that.
As for the time of the wedding, i don't think that it should be a problem that you want a formal attire for that hour.
My best suggestion is to write "Black Tie Affair" and have bridesmaids and groomsmen as well as family spread the word. Coming from the bride and groom it sounds a little rude, but have them casually let people know that it is a very formal wedding and that jacket and ties are expected. Or if people have a major problem simply say that the reception hall has dress requirements. That YOU couldn't help it but that they will not allow anyone that doesn't have formal attire to enter. This way it's not so much you that's blamed, but the place.
At any rate, good luck and congrats!
2007-03-26 15:49:54 · answer #3 · answered by Dawnwalker 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Almost every wedding I have been to, it is assumed that the attire is formal unless otherwise specified. I would tell your family and friends and let it get around by word of mouth. I agree with someone above when they said, if you put "black tie affair" they are going to think they need to go out and rent a Tux or buy a really fancy dress.
2007-03-26 15:55:54 · answer #4 · answered by vik25love 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since your reception will be in the evening, it is not inappropriate to host a black tie affair. Also, you do not need to send save the date cards to suggest that you are having a formal reception. The tone of your invitation will say that alone. If you would like to suggest appropriate attire for your wedding, you can place the phrase "black tie" or "black tie optional" in the lower-right-hand corner of your invitation.
2007-03-26 16:09:29 · answer #5 · answered by Veronica W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know where you are from....but every wedding I have been to no matter what time the wedding was, everyone dressed. If you put black tie....they are going to think that they need to go rent a tux for your wedding, and this is asking alot. I think it is enough that you just invite the ppl to your wedding......let them come as they wish....but when you start to try to control how your guest dress....you have gone a bit too far. If you are absolutely into controlling everything about your wedding.....then I suggest that you keep your guest to a very small number of ppl that you can verbally tell them how you expect them to dress to be a witness at your wedding.....Good luck.....I would just be happy that your guest showed up......but you will not have many to show, if you start controlling how the guest are to dress.....guest want to dress themselves, you may even have some that do not own a suite, or can afford a suite.....are you going to offer to go out and purchase them a suite for this occasion?.....Just stop trying to control everyone who is coming....you can only control what the wedding party is wearing....not the general public.
2007-03-26 15:50:45 · answer #6 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's perfectly acceptable to put "Black Tie" on the invite for a formal affair; not so much to put "Semi-formal" as this is what a wedding traditionally is.
Most guests will probably appreciate it because they won't know what to wear to a 4:00 wedding....
2007-03-26 15:48:36 · answer #7 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its your wedding you can request anything you like...I'm getting married in June and also having a formal wedding that is also at 4:00pm. On the response card we just made a note that is was formal ..or you could let them know when they call to RSVP.
2007-03-26 15:54:16 · answer #8 · answered by beautifly459 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mention "Formal attire is requested" in your announcements. You should not be expected to accept anything "less than the best" for YOUR DAY.
Congratulations and may this be your only once.... for life.
2007-03-26 15:58:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋