Parents of a son, when did you have "the" talk?

Question

My son is 11 and my oldest child and I have no clue when is the proper time and how far do I go? Should I wait a while longer or talk now and just highlight on certain subjects. He is in the beginning stages of the big change and will be in junior high next year. I would like to have a few different opinions on the subject, seeing as how I am not ready for him to grow up and am a little clueless in this area. Thank you to those who respond.

Julia, TV won't help bring up topics because we are very careful about what our children see on TV. Commercials, while getting pretty graphic these days and no ratings on them and a kiss on a show is about all they get to see. But, I did ask him if he had heard anything at school from his friends and he said so far all he had been told is that you can get a girl pregnant by touching her. So I handled that one with how you "can't" get a girl pregnant instead of how you can. I think that is still a little graphic for the time being.

OH, and yes Heather, I do have a husband in the picture. The bad thing is, my husband cracks under this kind of pressure. Face in hands, sweats, tongue tied and rubbing head.....It is saaaddd..He was more lost at how to start the talk than I was. I at least had a general idea. He never got "the" talk as a kid and learned from his older brothers. I am stronger in a sence when it comes to things like this. But thanks for your suggestions.

Answer 1

I suggest not having one big talk, but many small talks.

Bring it up like if you see something on TV, or hear something on the radio... just gradually make it a comfortable subject.

Start small, like ask what he has heard from his friends at school about the subject. Then make the talks more detailed as time progresses.

Believe me, one big talk will freak any kid out. A few talks here and there will make the subject seem more approachable if he ever has any questions in the future.

Answer 2

If he has started puberty, the first signs being underarm hair growth or underarm odor (not just normal sweat odor, but the more offensive kind), use the changes as an opportunity to open the door for discussions. Be frank about the changes his body will go through, including the hair and odor, and mention erections and wet dreams as they will happen (probably already have) in a very matter of fact manner.

Depending on his reaction, you might want to talk about how girls mature earlier than boys (11 year old girls start their menstrual cycle these days!!!) and how they might be more interested in trying some adult actions like kissing, hugging, petting than he is. Let him know it is not okay to become physical with girls at this age, no exceptions.

Let him know if there is anything he wants to ask you that you will answer as best you can, without any guilt or embarrassment and if you can't answer that you will research the question and get back to him (it buys you time to figure out how to answer some questions, you'll need it sometimes).

My son is 10 but has friends with older brothers who have quite accurately described sex and condoms to him - when he repeated the description for me I just nodded and said "how interesting" and asked if he was aware that he should wait for the right person, after graduating high school (I would LOVE for him to WAIT), to give this gift of sex to...time will only tell how that thought lasts!

Answer 3

11yr olds in this day and time now more than 20 years back. I have a baby brother 12 years old who my mom just walked in giving himself a hand. she was shocked but sorry kids know more now. I say go on a have the talk . Chances are his friends are all ready talking to him . If thats the case u want him to have the important facts. I would go over the important facts and then let him decide if he has any questions and leave it at that.

but the important thing is u want him to know the facts so nothing bad happens pregnancy, or stds. i'am not saying he's doing anything at this time but i'am sure he's thinking about it

Answer 4

try giving him the Talk in "pieces" like everytime something on TV appears (usually of sexual content) just try to make a point that some things in TV are not real and some things ar ETC... again, in pieces not all at once because like alcohol, sips are safer and less of a shock that 20 cases worth. tell him he can always come to u and make sure he 's got the right idea about sex.
nowadays, homosexuallity and all other sorts of stuff is open to see. again, explainations in pieces, worked w/me and was a hell of a lot less awkward.


P.S. i just noticed someone beat me to this subject w/ the same answer but i am not plagirising.

Answer 5

thinking back in2 my childhood i would get info from friends & movies, i think a good age to get it all out there is about 10, chances are kids that age have already heard "stuff" about "it" .. all misinformation of course .. i have a 9 yr. old daughter and i find it easy to get books from the library to read with her .. i'm just doing periods and hair and hormones and stuff like that, but i'm getting to the "grown-up" stuff soon .. it's a little embarrasing for both of us .. and i get "eeeewww's " from her but in the end she ask's questions .. which is a good thing but honestly without the books i don't know how i would bring up the subject .. hope that helps

Answer 6

My son was about 10. I have him the whole sepal. Explained it only takes once to make a baby, and told him her would be in school full time, and working after and all weekend, FOR free because all his money would have to go to his child......

He is 15 now. And tells his friends no way is sex worth dealing with his mom lol I over heard him lol I guess I made my point....

Answer 7

I learned it all from the internet and friends when I was 10...
I intentionally asked my Mom who Jesus's father was, and as I tohugh, she explained it to me... I would say that you should tell your son right now, however embarrassing it is. No matter how hard you try to stop them, I think the mroe you try to hold them back, the more they sturggle, and when you let go of your grip, he's going to have alot of energy built up. I think sex should be though as you need to wait for marriage but it dosen't hurt to practice with mastrubation. I would think a girl his age would tell him and he might think that it'll be fun, and bam, there's a unwanted pregnacy there.

Answer 8

with the amount of children having sex, i'd say 7 is a good age to start! ask him what he knows, or has heard from friends, and then correct or agree. do you have a husband in the picture? get him to have a talk with him. 11 is a good time to start.

Answer 9

my son is 8 and he is getting it very soon - the kids in his school are talking already and i want him to hear it from his parents. honestly at 11 (with the kids i know) they know quite a bit already - i would say do it sooner than later.

Answer 10

Just let him come to you.
Tell him if he has any questions, just to ask you.
Let him find everything else out on his own.