GUYS ONLY...what's wrong with me? Been hurt alot?

Question

I'm 18 years old from New Orleans. I've been hurt by guys (cheated on, sexually and verbally abused) and now I just am scared what if I just attract mean guys who will use me and abuse me? I'm a nice girl. I am 5'3, anc currently 98lbs (recently lost 11 lbs) , brown straight shoulder legnth hair and blue eyes with light skin and a few freckles. People say I'm sort of ditzy but I'm not stupid (like Susan Mayer on Desperate Housewives). I know I'm fun and caring and love being silly (I LOVE to laugh). People also say I'm naive but I've endured more tragedy than the average person. I'm creative and not very fact-based, much more right-brained. I just like nice guys who are fun, loving, athletic and wild but also down to earth and polite and compassionate. I thought the guys I have previously dated were like this but I turned out wrong.

I just want a nice guy who won't hurt me like I've been hurt. What can I do to prevent this? Do I seem like a good girl to date?

Answer 1

Hi,
The only thing I can say is, keep looking. You definately sound like a very nice young woman, and really cute. The problem with guys is that once we have a girl, the usual tendancy is to try and see how far we can take things (sexually and emotionally). And we're rarely the same erson you met a week eariler, we'll say anyhting to get your attention.
Some girls frind taken guys much more attractive, which can be the reason for lots of cheating (but it does take two). Try going to places where you don't really know anyone (don't go alone though, try it with your best friend or something), and meeting whoever comes along. Don't put so much attention on how good looking the guys you meet are, but judge them on how they treat you and what you have in common.
The creative thing is really sexy, try building on that or showing it. Good Luck

Answer 2

As far as I'm concerned, you seem like a great date, but also a little easy to be taken advantage of (not meant in the wrong way). What you need to do during dates is to try and guage people on who they really are and walk out if you detect something wrong. After all, what else is a date but a test of compatibility between two people? And if you're not happy, dont stay in the picture!

Try these tips when on a date: Is he really interested in you the person and not you the smokin hot mama? If there's nothing you two really have in common, there wont be much potential for a decent relationship. If you detect that you and him just don't have that much in common, even if he is a nice guy, don't waste your time and effort trying to make it work. Great relationships flow naturally without much need to push it along.

Does he seem a bit raucous or does he have a sailor's mouth? If so, he might not be the best of people to be around and might be hiding behind a mask of courtesy to lure you in. People like this can end up verbally or even physically abuse you, which is something no one deserves. Stand up for yourself and walk out at the first sign that he's going to hurt you. The last thing you need is more hurt.

Cheaters are the hardest to spot on a first date unless they are already checking someone else out, which probably won't be the case. If you get caught in a relationship with one of these people, they don't deserve your love and caring. That type of scum should be at the bottom of your list. There's no need to cry over someone lower than dirt. Pick yourself up; you look great, have family and friends, and you also have faith to come to. You have more support than you think and it really comes in handy if you get hurt.

Finally, have you considered that you might be trying too hard? Relationships just happen at times, and things work like magic from the time you meet. Don't try to hurry love up. It just happens. You have plenty of youth left to be searching for the one you love. If you're anything like the rest of the world, you'll find someone you'll want to hold on to forever and never let go, it might just take some time.

Spend your time as an 18 year old going out and having fun, not trying to settle down already. You have so much going for you. Looks, personality, and a big heart. Go enjoy yourself. You don't need a relationship to keep you alive.

Here's hoping the best!

--some EXTREMELY bored 16 year old

Answer 3

Honey, Im sure that your a fine woman and of coarse you want a nice guy but, I believe, the reason that you keep getting the wrong ones is because you always go with the ones who know how to "bust your balls". What I mean by that is that, more often than not, the nice guys would also be, in general, the last ones you and most other women would ever consider dating and/or mating with because the very qualities that make them worth having also makes them undesirable to you and most if not all women. Guys who actually know how to go out and flirt, joke and seem to be top dogs are also the ones most likely to be mad dogs. Now, granted that there are exceptions but in general this will hold true. What Im trying to get at with all of this long winded talk is that (1) you need to take a much closer look at the type of men your attracted to AND (2) You need to start planning what you want out of a relationship as well as where you want that relationship to go down the line. In other words, plan for the future as well as the present. I wish you luck in finding what your looking for.

Answer 4

You are looking in all the wrong places. First things first. A man must treat you like the princess that you are. If he is not willing to open a door for you then forget him. If he doesn't always compliment you then forget him. I treat my wife like a queen. Try dating a man for 6 months. If he is pressuring you to have sex or do anything you are uncomfortable with... then leave him. You will find a lot of good men at church but this is not always a guarantee. Make sure he treats you with respect always. It's good if he can say more than a few intelligible words to you. Keep your head up. He's out there for ya. Just have patience.

Answer 5

If you think that you are attracting the "wrong" boys, just hang out different places. Like instead of a club, try a Starbucks. Then you can widen your range of finding boys. If you stick to one place, the guys will most definately know you. (And know what you have done with other people, that hang around with them.) You seem fine! Don't worry, when that special someone is ready, he will find you.
Also, get into different activities at school, this can attract other guys too. The teenage years are really hard, but you can always count on your friends. Unless you don't have any...

lol
Good Luck!!!

Answer 6

You sound like a doll to me (Gail please don't get jealous!) A lot of nice guys are laid back/insecure with a lack of really good social skills, so it's likely that the most outgoing guys will hurt you the most - not sure why it has to be that way, but it just is. I think you need to be a little more analytical with your screening of men to be able to choose a happy medium between the bad boys and the cerebral brainy nerd types. So just take a little more time next time. BOL.

Answer 7

there is nothing wrong with you, except that you don't like nice guys. If you did then this wouldn't happen. You should keep guys at a distance, until you get to know them better. If they stick around a month or 2 then most likely the really like you, and are showing you respect.

Answer 8

I'm sure there are plenty of nice guys out there would would have liked to have dated you.

They were the ones you rejected in favor of the "bad-boys" that you seem to prefer.

This isn't rocket science. If you want a nice guy, choose a nice guy, if you want to get cheated on or worse, choose the bad-boy.

Answer 9

hey when it comes down to it, its not about what you look like or what your personality is like...

You see, you have gone through a lot in your life, and your still attracting the same problem... Im interested to know more about your history, because in that lies the truth behind your problems..

Please send me an e-mail [e-mail].. Im at work right now so I might not respond right away.. but I will defintly respond asap.. Oh... if you want you can look me up on Myspace.. www.mypace.com/tizlife

Answer 10

You sound like a really nice girl, but I think you're trying a little too hard. Take your time, enjoy life; the right guy will show up when you least expect it!