He Cheated, but he loves me.?

Question

After a 6 months of harmony, there was a crazy misuderstanding and he dumped me for another girl. It broke my heart, but after a long talk, we found out the truth and got back together after a month or two of talking.
Now we've been together for a year and a half, and I had to dumb him b.c. he cheated on me. I warned him about this gir, because she is a home wrecker and a little (insert word) and I told him that she liked him. He went to the movies ALONE with her anyways, weeks after i told him that, and they kissed. Innocent, but cheating still. I figured it out, asked him about it and he lied. When i asked him again, he said he lied about the whole thing and he really did cheat. I broke up with him after tears from both sides. I know that he is incredibly sorry, and he wants no body but me, but his actions speak louder than his words. I said we need a break, well talk in a month. Im considering taking him back after hes begged for a month...should i?

and we did have perfect bliss for the year and a half. we get along great, we trust each other (or used to) and i know he loves me. I know hes sorry, he knows he messed up.. hes willing to do anything to get me back.

wow, great answers guys, really thanks.
But for the record.

Yes I KNOW it takes two to tango, however, I understand he got caught in a momment, sure, that doesn't make it right. And i've taked with the girl. They both admited it.

She tried to break us up, and succeeded.

I know he regrets it, but all of yall are right, what about the trust?!!

and becasuse this is the second time doing this, wouldn't I just be a fool to try to get hurt again?

also saying this, its the 2nd mistake hes made in less than two years, am I being harsh and exspecting perfection??

Answer 1

maybe he really didnt cheat on you..
if youre 110% sure he did,
let him have another shot.
obviously you mean a lot to him.
tell him that he is lucky to have you give him another chance, and if he messes up again thats it!
three strikes and your out!
dont ever judge someone by a mistake theyve made.
people grow.
things change.
feelings change.
if he loves you like he says he does, im sure he wont let this happen again!
good luck doll!

Answer 2

Dear LivingItUp, I was confronted with the same problem a year ago, and again 6 months ago, and again 3 weeks ago... with the same person! It's finally over, but I feel both stupid and emotionally drained and do not wish this to happen to anyone else, except my ex of course, because she obviously never really meant it when she said she was sorry, even though she was always very convincing... OK now enough about me ;-) Here's what I think:

What you need to take into consideration is that he might really love you, but he loves you in his own way. The question you have to ask yourself is if this is the way you want to be loved. Is this what you want your relationship to be like? Will you be able to deal with trust being an issue?

If you decide to give it another try, you should bear in mind that it might be extremely difficult and draining to get rid of the seed of doubt that has been implanted in your mind about his behavior when he's not with you.

If you think that this is possible, that the rest of his actions point towards a true and lasting feeling of remorse (I cannot stress the "lasting" part enough), that exclusivity in a relationship is one of his values, and that he has no second thoughts about you being the right one for him, then go ahead!

Oh, and remember what Dr Phil says: "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior".

Best wishes and good luck sorting things out!

*** *** ***
To answer your new question:

No you're not being harsh. It's not perfection that you are expecting, it's good building blocks for a relationship where you will be happy and respected.

In the end, the decision is always yours, and it's only you who knows if you are willing to take the risk of another heatbreak.

Good luck!

Answer 3

No. You need to run from this guy. You're blaming the little homewrecker and you're not blaming him at all. Excuse me, last time I looked, it took TWO people to kiss. She didn't force herself on him and even if she did, he could've told you the truth. He lied and tried to cover it up so, don't be surprised if something more than a kiss happened.

Honestly, what more does he need to do to you for you to realize he's no good? He's done this twice. You forgave him once and he trampled all over that trust & forgiveness. Trust isn't automatic and for some reason, he doesn't care about that. He might love you, in his own warped way but, if you want to have a healthy relationship, his kind of love ain't the way to go about having one.

Cheating is about ego. Pure & simple. It has nothing to do with what you did or didn't do. He feels inadequate about himself and hurts people he cares about to feel powerful and in control. That is a sick way of thinking. Cheaters rarely change and you've already seen that. The only thing you can change is getting away from him. He will cheat again. It doesn't matter if some chick seduced him. A committed man will move mountains to be faithful if that's what he wants to do. Your guy doesn't want to be faithful.

You're rationalizing his behavior so he won't be the bad guy. You're blaming the girl when you should blame your guy. Why would he go to the movies with another girl when he's with you? Where the logic there?

Look hun, he's a cheater. I wish he wasn't. I wish he'd see how much you obviously care for him and change but, that probably won't happen. Most cheaters have to lose everything in their life to realize they've crapped on people for most of their life. It takes a LOT to bring them to their knees and admit they're a piece of scum. As long as you keep making excuses for him and taking him back, he won't stop what's he's doing. Ultimately, it's up to you what you want to do. I don't think you should even talk to this guy to tell him to go screw himself but, you will. Your mind is already made up. You just want someone to tell you he's a good guy and to stick it out. I won't lie to you so, don't take him back. Drop him like a hot potato and find someone who respects and loves you. You deserve better than this cheating loser. You really do. Good luck & I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 4

This is a tough one because of course the risk of getting hurt again is involved. And not trusting him will obviously be a huge issue you'll have to overcome, and that's tough not only for you but for him as well. Once you've violated someone's trust like that by lying, it's gonna be hard to every fully trust them again. And that will just make the relationship harder for you and him both. If you do decide to take him back, know what your getting yourself into. It's gonna take a lot of work from the both of you in order to make it work...and NO LYING on his part. I would say don't jump into the relationship right away, you should slowly start talking to him to see if anything he does makes it seem worth it because like you said, actions speak louder than words!!

Answer 5

Obviously you guys have spent a very long time with eachother, and love eachother both very well - but yeah the cheating is a problem, - there's nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance but you have to be able to have support to fall back on, because you guys are seperated at the moment and it's driving him crazy, that support and advantage you have is -seeing- if he still wants to be with you after a month, but maybe a month isn't a long enough time.. I'm not saying give him enough time to be single and do something stupid, but make sure he is still promising all of the things he does NOW and is still as sorry as he is now, in a month ( if that's long enough for you to see ) because maybe after that long of dedicating himself to you without actually being with you will make it an instinct that you are his one and only girl he is trying to persue, and be with - and the only girl he will stay in love with..

So yeah. Give him a chance. Just make absolutely sure that he is still as promising as he is now ( because now is when he is sorry for it the most )

Goodluck, and cheers from Pengy. <3

Answer 6

I know it's tough to get ver the fact that the person you cared for betrayed your trust in the biggest way possible. My boyfriend did the same thing back to me in August and we weren't together until this January.

You have to sit down and think about what is going to make YOU happy, not your parents, friends, whomever. Your friends are probably telling you to just leave him and move on, but if deep down inside of you, you are willing to give him another chance then do so. If being with him makes you happy, then you be with him. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what everyone around you says, you have to be happy with the decisions that you make. It's going to be tough for him to regain your trust, but if you both truly do care for each other, it will work out in the end. Best of Luck!!

Answer 7

no do not take him back, no matter how much you love him...once a cheater always a cheater...yes he will cry, and try to prove to you he's not doing anything...it is all a game he is playing on you.. as long as he knows you will take him back every time, he will play on you like a fiddle.....he's young and soaring his oats, and you better believe he is loving it, your like a spare to him.....if you have male cousins, brothers, or true good male friends ask them they will tell he;s playing you...yes he likes you a lot, but as long as a girl open the door for him he will always go in and out as long as he can...so wake up... and find someone true...if you think that cheating guy loves you, you are all wrong...you dont cheat over and over on the one you love

Answer 8

how many times r u going to take him back? 1st time was a misunderstanding or did he create the problem just to have an excuse "not to cheat".
2nd one sounds like u directed him to her (not an excuse), u told him that she liked him, hummmmm.
now, u'r giving him free rein (to cheat again/technically not since your broke up). he always has u as a back up. you seem to think u'r in control on this one, but sounds like he's playing u now, maybe not in the beginning.
hope for u'r sake he's better than that, good luck.

Answer 9

he lied an cheated.he might love you but can you really trust him?if he REALLY loved you then we wouldnt have done that in the first place.i believe in second chances.give him just ne more chance if he f***s up again then leave his a**!ya'l should start over again no lies just the truth.if things go great then good bt if he does anything again leave him.
whatever you do i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 10

almost the same thing happened to my bestfriend. i think you should give him one more try and who knows maybe you two are meant to be together but maybe you arent. you will have to see. but like i said you should take him back but make him promise you that if he ever cheats or lies to u about cheating that its over and you are never taking him back. well i hope this helps