little girl is calling me mommy...and she's not my kid...?

Question

okay..my bf's youngest daughter, 4 years old, has taken to calling me mommy whenever she's around me. my response is always "i'm not your mommy" and she replies "yes you are!" i say "no...you have a mommy" and she says "no, she's dead" i say "no she's not" and it goes back and forth like that for a while. i take it that she just enjoys spending time with me, but i'm not sure if i should react differently to it...i've told her father about it and he thinks it's funny (i think he has it in mind that i'll be a step-mommy someday)....still...any thoughts?

p.s. her real mommy hates me and talks bad to both the girls about me because i'm with their daddy and she isn't. the real mommy doesn't know that the 4 year old calls me mommy...

Answer 1

When the girl calls you mommy , reply to her nicely.. tell her "I am not your mommy, but i would be the luckiest women in the world if you were my daughter. You have a mommy that loves you very much!" This is if you feel you like your bf's daughter and like kids. If not , dont be hypocrit with the girl. But this girl is smart for being 4 and saying such things like her mom is dead. She must not get along with her mom and when she is out with you guys ,she feels connected to you already. That is so cute! If your bf think its just funny...well it seems he is not looking for anything serious with you. i dont know how long you guys been together, but i wish you the best and you will have a wonderful step daughter that adores you already!

Answer 2

My friend is married to a man with 2 kids from another relationship,she is there "mommy" at there house only she calls her Mommy Amber. Is her Mom realy dead or just not in her life. Maybe she thinks of you as the Mom as she see's you more and spends more time with you. When talking to her say your name when you want her to bring you something and stuff like that. I didn't have a Dad,my moms boyfriend was not my dad and I called him a nickname my hole life.They finally got married after 22 years of being together but I started calling him MY DAD around age 18,I still call him by his nickname while talking to him. But he is my Dad in every other sence. If you plan on getting married then I would say it's okay for her to call you Mommy as you will be in the home.But if you don't know if it will last..don't let it go on.

Answer 3

I know that you are only trying to help her by telling her that your not her "Mommy," but the truth is, if you are spending a great deal of time with her, you are a "Mommy" figure. I had this same thing happen to me, but she was only 2. It confuses them when you tell them no, because all they understand is the concept of what a "Mommy" is. Someone that loves them, comforts them, and is there when they need them. When Abby called me Mommy, I acted like she was saying my name. However, when I referred to myself, I never used the term, "Mommy." I would always use my name. Just remember to never say anything negative about her biological Mom. You don't have to lie to her, but tell her the good things about her Mommy, and how she loves her. If you do become her step-mom, she will respect you for that one day.
* Eventually, she started calling me by my name. Sometimes she would slip up and call me Mommy, but she knew in her heart, that I loved her and it didn't matter what she wanted to call me... I was there.

Answer 4

i would hate to say this but maybe her mother is not giving her all the attention she needs, maybe when you are with her, you are giving her what it is she needs and is looking for. When she calls you mommy IE mommy can i have this or what ever just say your name back to her and go on, no point in fighting with a four year old it will just go back and forth just like I said put in your name when she says mommy, you should not try to change your relationship with her because she feels safe, wonted and loved by you, maybe there is something more going on with her mother? keep communication open with her, maybe in time she will on her own open up to you and let you know what is going on if a more serious problem is going on with her and her mother. I would not make a big deal out of this feel lucky most kids are not to fond of another girl or guy in there parents lives.
Have fun hope all works out and there is nothing to serious going on.

Answer 5

The reason the 4 year old calls you "mommy" when she is around you is because you are with her daddy...daddy and female equals mommy to a 4 year old. Stop being such a B i t c h and accept that the child thinks of you as "mommy" and start appreciating that she would think enough of you to call you that. SHE LIKES YOU...ACCPET IT GRACIOUSLY rather than argue with a 4 year old. (reminds me of that saying engaging a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent...obviously the unarmed opponent here is NOT the 4 year old). Then sit down and talk with her about calling you "mommy" My half sisters called my mother "mommy T" because it was the first letter of my mom's first name, their own mother was simply "mommy" or mom as they got older. The 4 year old is simply confused, she doesn't understand about divorce and vistiation, and step parents etc..like I said...she obviously is in a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent. If I were you boyfriend I'd be laughing at you too.

Answer 6

There must be some reason that she does not concider her mom to be mommy. Perhaps there are problems at home or the girl is neglected in some way. Instead of laughing at it, I think your boyfriend should look in to the situation a bit more. He could talk to his daughter and straighten anything up that needs to be.

Answer 7

My children always slipped up and called other people Mommy. (My eleven yr old called her teacher Mommy). For some children, the only label they have to put on a woman is Mommy. If you have explained it to her, then she knows the difference. Have you tried to give her something else to call you? If it bothers you, just find a "special" name for her only. My friend's special needs daughter calls me aunt, because she needs a special label just for me. It might work. Also, be careful, you really don't want her "real" mommy upset. Good Luck!

Answer 8

For her to insist that her mother is dead is a little unsettling. My soon to be ex hubby's two girls from his first marriage started calling me mommy. I would tell them: "I'm Randi." The older of the two started calling me "Wani" while the younger one still insisted on calling me mommy. But I loved spending time with them and I always was willing to find fun stuff to do with them (going to park, lots of coloring, and watching cartoons - they were 2 & 3 at the time). I always corrected them, but never saying "not your mommy". I would just remind them of what my name was. By the time their mother took them and moved out of state, I got the little one to call me Didi, which was a childhood nickname.

Answer 9

Sure... she might think that since you are around her and her daddy so much that she might think that you are her mom. She might not be to young to know that her mommy doesnt live with her, but you are her "mommy". Treat her as you would your own and dont bicker with her about the whole mommy thing. She will outgrow it... leave her alone on that one. Much Luck... KK

Answer 10

For one...I love you Avitar hair! Bright orange! ITs so cute
oh..but ur question...personally, I think that is an honor and its cute. But your response to her is perfect, she has a mom and your not her mom and you will never be. She prbly loves you alot and seems like she is alot closer to you then her own mom. Also... kids at that age get a little confused. They know.. but at the same time....they dont really. She sees you with her dad...so you know. But its cute, and I would be honored. But at the same time you want to always respect the REAL mom. Good luck!