How can I get over being jealous about my boyfriend having female friends?

Question

My boyfriend and I being going to together for over 3 years and I love him to death but I have trouble trusting men all men from what has been done to me from the past. He has give me no reason not to trust him. He gives access to his e-mail, my space everything to prove he has nothing to hide. But I feel that one day he might cheat. He talks to a lot of women from his past who he says are just friends and a couple of ex girlfriends. I am having trouble with the fact he has so many females and I seen some of there pictures and they are beautiful women and I feel so ugly compare to these women and that he would leave if any of them asked him too. I really don't want to lose him he is the best boyfriend I have ever had and the thought of losing him terrifies me to death. Please Help

Answer 1

I've been there before. And I can relate.

What you need to do, is let him know how you feel...and let him know that you do trust him and that it's your issue. After all being aware of your problem is where you begin.....then you can do a number of things depending on you. You could go to a therapist either by yourself or with you and your b/f. You could do research and find books or find support groups in your area. Jealousy and not trusting is not a fun place to live.

The books and the therapy may help you to trust again and to love yourself more and to see that you deserve a good man like him, and that if he ever did cheat, though it would be sad and it would hurt....that it would be his loss and you could move on. But trusting him is key....try not to focus so much on the "What Might Happen" and focus more on the "What You Have" and enjoy that!

Good luck!!!!

Answer 2

Hmmm.

I think the telling statement here is "I feel so ugly compared to these Women".

Obviously, this has nothing to do with HIM or his Female friends, it's you.

OK let's take some things one at a time here.

If you "love him to Death", then you trust him. Love means respect, and respect means trust.

He has given you access to EVERYTHING. This means he has bent over BACKWARDS to show you you can trust him, most Guys wouldn't do that, not because they have something to hide, but because everyone has a need for some privacy, even from a wife or girlfriend.

You feel that one day he might cheat because of what has happened in your past. It's reasonable for YOU to FEEL that way. It's not fair to judge him because of what OTHER MEN did to you.

If he is spending time with these people and neglecting you, yes that is a problem. But it doesn't sound like it from what you have told me, sounds like he just likes to remain on friendly terms with exes. That is a GOOD thing.

I think you are so terrified of losing him that you are obsessing with this almost as if you want to test him with your worst fears.

Now lets know the TRUTH.

First of all, let's play the "what if" game. What if he did cheat on you? You'd talk to him, find out why he did it, work things out.

Or you'd leave him and find someone else, because you are special and a lot of other men would be dying to have you.

If these women are so "beautiful" and you are so "ugly", why is he with YOU and not THEM? Think about that.

You have the best boyfriend in the world right now because that is what you DESERVE to have (and he DESERVES to have you as a Girlfriend).

Don't make it more complicated than that.

Answer 3

Trust is the most important part of a relationship and as you say he has given you no reason not to trust him, you should try, without trust it's destined to fail. You can't put on his shoulders what other men have done to you, every female has at least been cheated on but when you leave them behind you should also leave what they done to you behind. You shouldn't worry about what might happen but worry about what is happening right now. If you keep on being jealous or accuse him of things you may just push him to do it, most men figure if they're going to get accused of it all the time then why not do it as they are already being accused and treated like they are doing something wrong. Try and get to know these girls and if he is with you then he is over them.

Answer 4

I think you need to forget about your past and focus on the future. It sounds like your boyfriend is trying very hard to earn your trust even though you already said he has given you no reasons to distrust him. If you are uncomfortable with him spending one on one time with these girls... ask to join them and try to get to know the girl. This may make you feel a little better about him being around her if you can at least be her aquaintence. Also, if your boyfriend is comfortable with it... ask him why things didn't work out between him and his ex's. It may help you to realise that they wont get back together.
Just keep in mind that your boyfriend chose you for a reason, he obviously loves you and sees your beauty inside and out... even if you don't. I am always pointing out things i don't like about myself... but somehow my boyfriend of 2 years still says i'm beautiful. I hope that i've helped you a little bit.

Goodluck
Renae

Answer 5

is ok to love your boyfriend but also think about the day that something bad might happen and he leaves you, you should never feel like you can't live without that person, if you do then you have a problem and I recommend therapy or a counselor for couples. He should also do his part of departing from past women and should only focus on you at the moment and live in the present, get ready for the future and never look in the past. hope this helps is only my opinion

Answer 6

i know exactly what you mean i am in the same spot as you. wow i thought I was the only one.its hard and no matter what he or any ones says to you. you will never be able to change how you think until you are ready.i can tell you that oh don't worry he wont cheat, or all men are not the same, even : how long do you have to be with someone to trust them. but i wont the thing is. in my instance i told him why i have trust problems , and he understands, because he loves me.we do get in arguments,and fight but when we calm down we are able to look at it with clear eyes. it will be hard but what i get my boyfriend to do is we go out with th girls like at a bbq for his work and he introduces me as his girlfriend. and that makes me feel so much better. because in my head they see me and know i am with him.but if he doesn't **** flies.lol but he caught on.lol so maybe you can get him to try that. it may help.try to step back and take a deep breath it does not look as bad as you make it out to be,but it is hard trust is not something you give away it must be earned 24/7. hope this helps let me know if you need more help

Answer 7

That's natural, but you just have to trust him. That's the key to a relationship. I know what you mean because I didn't trust my ex-boyfriend around girls. I would watch him talking to other girls and watch his body language. I broke up with him over something that I heard from another girl that he 'did'. Now, I feel terrible about it because I feel that I have made a mistake. It's okay to feel this way because you don't want to loose him, but you have to realize I you don't give him his space sooner or later, he may leave you because he doesn't feel trusted because he may think "what's the point if you don't have trust?" Put yourselp in his shoes...does it seem like he trusts you. Ask him if he trust you and see what he says.
You'll be okay just think wisely!

Answer 8

You sound like an insecure person. You can't stop your boyfriend from having friends who happen to be girls. If you try to stop it, he'll end up resenting you and dumping you sooner than later.

You have to trust him until he gives you reason not to trust him. If you can't do that, then you should just let him go. If you continue being this insecure, you are going to wind up driving him into the arms of another woman because he is going to think, "This is what she thinks I do anyway, so I might as well do it. She doesn't trust me."

Answer 9

You have to find a way to deal with this or it will be the thing that splits you two apart. If he has given you access to his email and myspace then I would bet he has nothing to hide. I am one of those guys that has many female friends and I also am friends with my ex's too. So be cautious but not jealous. This guy might actually be a good one.

Answer 10

This isn't really about him, it's about you. I worry that you may be tying up to much of your self worth in this person.

Being jealous is normal. It's how you handle your jealousy that matters. As for him having female friends, ex-girlfriends are a little iffy. However, as long as he has given you no reason to distrust him, just be aware. Don't become so complacent that you can't see things for what they are.

Also, talk to him. I think you are afraid to talk to him...you worry he will leave. You can talk to him in a non-threatening way...conversational not confrontational.

Bottom line though--you need to work on your self-esteem. If you were ugly, would he be with you? I doubt it. Your insecurities are just overwhelming you.

Good luck!