What are some funny excuses you have made not to do jury duty?

Question

I, myself, have always wanted to do jury duty.. but they never pick me :(

I am constantly hearing people make funny excuses not to, and it makes me wonder what excuses people come up with.. care to share???

Answer 1

Here's one for the books! I recently was called for jury duty, and I can tell you it's a pain in the ***. However, it is our civic duty to answer the call, and call I did. Here is exactly what I did that got me off the jury selection process. Mind you, that I did not shirk my duty. On the contrary, I did my duty according to what our founding fathers would have expected all "Americans" to do when they have been put under duress in an "UNCONSTITUTIONAL COURT!" Confused? I'll explain what happened as succinctly as possible without getting into too much detail that would be far beyond the purview to your question.
The litigants in the case were between two parties suing each other over an automobile accident. I was picked among 28 jurors, 14 of which would be selected to hear the case. The 28 were called from a jury pool of around 300 to an adjoining room, whereupon we would be questioned by 4 attorneys and the presiding judge as to whether we would be suitable to both litigants concerned. This is a weening process that both the defense and the prosecution can pick what they think will be fair and impartial jurists.
Both sides (attorneys) ask questions to the jurors if there is some reason that a jurist cannot sit in on a case. About 8 jurists raised their hands and gave reasons as to why they could not sit on the case and be impartial. These "excuses" ranged from-- I was in an automobile accident and got screwed, to I'm out of work and need to find a job. None of the attorneys nor the judge accept these as viable dismissals to be excused from the process. Keep in mind that all the questions and answers are done in the presence of everyone. There was no privacy in which to put forth a ridiculous reason for not being picked. I can tell you at times some of the reasons were just plain embarrasing. Now what most jurists don't know, or never think of, is to ask the attorneys and the judge for a forum in privacy!
Here's what happened. I raised my hand and asked if I could speak in private as to why I may not be a good juror. Needless to say one of the attorneys had a perplexed look on his faced and stammered -- "sure?" So, I got up and walked out of the room where the rest of the pool (300) was waiting to be called, and behind me followed the 4 attorneys and the judge! Holy ****! What a production I had caused. Every single jurist (300) was watching me with intent eyes as to this debacle taking place. I remained steady, yet somewhat unnerved that I was causing this production. Here's what transpired.

Attorney 1: ""What is it Mr. Clayton?
Clayton: "With respect to the court, I have a problem with the
constitutionality of the case."

At this point, the judge became fidigity and offered the group to go into an adjoining room. I suspect, it was to stop the 300 other jurists from hearing my argument. It's not every day that a jurist asks for privacy regarding his argument. So, into the room we assemble to hear my "excuse." Finally settled, the attorney spoke first in a somewhat condesending manner.

Attorney 1: "Okay Mr. Clayton, what is it?"
Clayton: "With respect to the court, are we to judge this
case under common law or corporate law?"
Attorney 1: "The last I heard New York State was under
common law."
Clayton: "If this is so, why is there a "goldfringe" around
the court's flag?"
Attorney 1: "I don't follow Mr. Clayton?"
Clayton: "The goldfringe represents "admiralty law" not
common law as to my constitutional rights. The
goldfringe is about maritime law and not the law
of the land. In other words, we are operating
under corporate law."

At this point, no other attorneys were speaking and the look on the faces of the attorneys was of bewilderment and embarrsement. However, the look on the judge's face was stoic and respectful.

Attorney 1: "I'm not getting you? Are you saying that you
cannot judge this case?"
Clayton: "Under corporate law, no. I will question the law
itself as it pertains to the 13th, 14th and 15th
Amendments that made us United States citizens
instead of American citizens. And, codified under
the March 9th, 1933 Banking Act up to our present
time. We are not operating under the constitutional
law.

I can tell you there was a long pause before the next question
came out. The judge was now looking at me with respect, and knew that I knew what I was talking about. The other attorneys were beat-red at this point. Anger or embarrasment, I could not tell?

Attorney 1: "So you can't judge this case?"
Clayton: "I will judge the case on the merits of common law.
And, I ask the court to respect my right as a juror to
"jury nullification under constitutional law."
Attorney 1: "Okay, Mr. Clayton."

Well, we all trounced back in with all 300 jurists watching us to the original room with the 28 jurists. I can tell you, I was being eyeballed up and down by those jurists. The questions went on and on. However, not one attorney asked me another question nor even dare look my way. Such is the power of the Constituton of the united States of America. This is a true story folks. There is no embellishments here. Needless to say, I did not get picked. And after I was released, later that day the judge saw me and smiled.

Answer 2

Funny Jury

Answer 3

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
What are some funny excuses you have made not to do jury duty?
I, myself, have always wanted to do jury duty.. but they never pick me :(

I am constantly hearing people make funny excuses not to, and it makes me wonder what excuses people come up with.. care to share???

Answer 4

I just found out last night that I got a summons for jury duty down in Orange co. Ca. I have moved over 300 miles away from there six years ago.

Answer 5

I've never been called for jury duty...So I'll just give an excuse........

Your Honor - I suffer with a - rare mental disorder that isn't going to make it possible for me to serve on jury duty. It's called "Seizurejuryphobia"
and it's been know to be contagious! צ~צ

Answer 6

I've only ever made 2 excuses - and they were for deferments, and were true. Neither one was very funny:

1) I'm supposed to be giving a speech that day and it's been booked for nearly a year.

2) I'm currently nursing a newborn and have to express milk for 20 minutes every 3 hours when I'm away from her (that one got me deferred for a year).

Answer 7

It's not funny, well it SHOULDN'T be funny (and I've never sat on a jury), but telling the defending lawyer that if you had your way, you'd give the defendant the needle yourself (or wish that whatever state your are in had the death penalty) is usually a good way to get out of it.

Answer 8

Never used excuse to get out of jury duty. That is a very important part of Democracy !!!

Answer 9

I was a Police Officer but was still called. The prosecuting attorney had no problem with me knowing him, the judge, the officers involved, but not the suspect on trial. The defense attorney had me excused! I know of some people with anxiety problems that got a doctor's note and it worked.

Answer 10

I prefer the truthful angle, and that is... I cant do jury duty because I work for the Court system...