Ladies I need your help & advise?

Question

I'm the dad of an 11 year old girl & i feel its time I gave her some advise on puberty, sexuality, becoming a teenager & just growing up etc. I still think of her as my little girl but time moves on for all of us. So can you give me some pointers & maybe some advice that you found useful when you were at this stage of your life, even the name of books on the subject or web sites as I'm having difficulty in knowing how to approach the subject.
Thanks for any help you can give me.

ZARA, Hi & thanks for your answer, the idea here is that she can learn the facts properly & in an unembarrassing way, at least she will hear it from someone she trusts rather from a total stranger & NO we don't have school nurses in Ireland yet(that I know of)....

Thanks for the support, advice & links.
While it may not be the perfect situation to be in for either of us at least it's a start & a way to get talking about her future, I think it's better to give her some education rather than her listen to other kids with their stories & don't worry I'll get my younger sister(29) to have the girlie girl chat with her.
Thanks again
EndaC

Answer 1

I would just like to say that it is fantastic that you are doing this for your daughter i wish my parents had done the same for me when i was young well done you!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Firstly congratulations for being a responsible parent, theres too many out there that aren't and that's why we have the highest teenage pregnancy rate in europe.

There is a great book that i got for my 10 year old niece called Whats happening to me? (see link below)
It's a good book as it covers lots of topics from bra buying to bulling and the body changes she'll experience.

Also good is Girls Only! All About Periods and Growing-up Stuff this is more on the body changing side of things but good nonetheless.

As for the chat I wouldn't contrive a big sit down heavy talk about the birds and bees but just do it when it feels right, she may ask a question that can start it off or you may see or hear something on the t.v./radio.

Good luck with your chat and I hope one day she realises what a lucky girl she is to have a dad that cares so much

xxxxxx

Answer 3

Well done you! Ignore all those 'get a woman' advocates and approach your daughter yourself as planned.

My dad spoke to me when I was 13 or so on a
'boys are always after one thing from the ages of 14 to 24-and I should know, I was one' note and Mum and Dad had always spoken openly about everything.

My mum approached me reference my impending menstrual cycle and how it meant I was growing up and took it on from the you're developing into a young woman speech. Maybe(if she's not already there of course) you could use the sanitary wear way in, ask her if there's anything else she would like to talk about and let her know that she can come to you for anything.

Just be open, as un-embarassed as is humanly possible and keep it to terms that you feel comfortable with-I mean if you always call the genitals one thing don't go all 'medical' when you're talking to her-it'll make you and her uncomfortable.

Good luck!

Answer 4

When I was 12 my older brother gave me copy of a book called 'Our Bodies Ourselves'. I thank him every day for that. It is a huge book that covers just about every topic of being a woman. You might like to buy it or check it out at the library and go through it first, it holds nothing back. Then maybe you can discuss the various topics with your daughter. If you aren't the kind to hold anything back, give her a copy and let her come to you with any questions.
I can't sing enough praises for this book, it kept me healthy and confident and proud to be a woman all of these years.
Here is a link to a website describing it.
http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/book/default.asp

Personally I don't agree with the answers that say a woman should talk to her instead of you. I think that a woman should also talk to her, but as her father your role should not be underestimated when it comes to her self esteem.
If she understands that you are on her side and not ashamed of her becoming a woman, and that you are someone, a safe place to go with her questions, that can be only a good thing.

Answer 5

Sit her down with the computer and go over some information with her. There's no reason why a father and daughter can't talk about human biology and learn about it together. If her mother isn't in the picture then it's even more important that you are open with her and she is able to talk to you about these things. You would't want her to learn the wrong things from the wrong places.
You could also call her school nurse and ask what publications they are using in their school and see if she has any advice on what to say and what not to say. She deals with girls going through puberty all the time.
My mother was very straight forward and matter of fact with me and i really appreciated that. Still do.

Answer 6

My son is 10 and has just started getting "Health Education" in school. I don't agree with the mum talking to the daughter and the father talking to the son. I do believe though it is harder for a father to accept their daughter as a young women.
I can only suggest that you try to talk to her if she is willing - don't force her into any situation that may embarrass her because deep down she still wants to be your little girl and going through puberty she will fear she will lose you.
If her mum is in the picture she may be able to pave the way as such, if not, you will find the right way to help her cope with it all.
I surprised myself at how well I coped with questions from my son - and yep without getting embarrassed.
Good Luck.

Answer 7

Isn't this a bit like blind leading the blind ..
you don't mention the mother ..because she would have been ideal candidate for this sort of things..i take it she is not in her life ..what about grand mothers ..or aunts ..close female family member..
Coming from any one of these is less embarrassing to the child.. then coming from her father ..
you may think ..being the father you can disguss anything with a 11 year old girl ..not true in all cases.. you best find some one with some experance .. good luck

Answer 8

I think it's great that you want to give your daughter this support and guidance. I agree with the answerer above who says that realising that as a man (and more importantly - her father) you are positive and unembarassed about women and their bodies etc can only be a good thing for your daughter. The book recommended above is good as is the Usborne book Growing Up. If you have a good bookshop near you - go in and ask the staff - they will be able to guide you to the right section and often recommend books. I would be honest and straightforward with your daughter, talk about the basics, make sure she has 'supplies' available for when her period starts and that she knows she can come to you for advice if she needs to.
Good on you.

Answer 9

The best book I've found on this, the one I will use with my children, is "A Cartoon Guide to Sex" by Larry Gronik. It takes what I think is a healthy, practical approach to sex and sexuality. It begins by talking about sex in general, and why people feel so strongly about it. It talks about sex from a biological and social point of view, and under the guidance of a health professional, gives accurate information. It goes over pregnancy risks, STDs, and methods of protection and their effectiveness (including abstinence).

I love the friendly, easygoing, realistic approach this book takes. I couldn't find it in a bookstore so I got via Amazon. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Answer 10

Get her to talk to her mum. Or nan. Or an aunt? It would sound better coming from a fellow woman, and less embarassing for her. Just like a father should talk to his son, or another suitable male.

But before you jump on that, sorry if you found me patronizing. I had my mother to talk to, and it was alot easier than going to my father.

If she can't go to anyone else, you yourself can find loads of information on the net, and it might be ideal if you search together, because finding the right topic pointers while shes sat there would broach the subject easier.

Answer 11

It is very responsiable of you to want to talk to your daughter about this but no 11 year girl wants a sex talk with her dad. Can you not find out what they are teaching at school? I am 30 yrs old and we learned about puberty and periods in a school talk. Also you say you want to talk about becoming a teenager and growing up, everyone is diffrent. If my dad would have told me that I would become a moody door slamming little buggar who thought I knew it all I would have just thought he was mad. I think you should just let it go for a while.