Jealous and Insecure boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend and I had the perfect relationship, but he's become more and more jealous and shown alot of insecurities which has caused more tension and disagreements than i care to mention. He doesn't cheat on me, and has a good heart. He admits that he is jealous and insecure about losing me. How can i salvage this and keep my sanity at the same time? Keep in mind he doesn't abuse me. I told him he is crazy and he agrees. We are supposed to get married. I don't know what to do. At any given time, If my eyes are watching for the train at the subway or if i look around casually, he thinks i am looking at someone. He won't always say it but gets an attitude. He doesn't even like people, guys, talking to me at work. Keep in mind i work with all guys so i understand where he is coming from. I could go on and on but this isn't a therapy session. He accused me of being up to something one day when i called him from the shower. He was at work and i was home. see what i mean?

We live together, don't know if that information helps. I need advice badly!

Answer 1

Be careful and mindful love sometimes what seems to be just jealous can turn on you in a blink of an eye. My husband of 6 1/2 years was like that and all of a sudden he started abusing me out of the blue. Try counseling if you really love him but jealousy is something that he has to fix within himself . You can't fix it for him. He must be a willing party in order for a change to take place. It also sounds like there could be some underline issues you have barely begun to scratch the surface. If you love him tell him you both need to get help together or either one of you will have to leave.

Answer 2

I had a similar problem with my bf. I have a lot of guy friends and he was constantly giving me attitude about my hanging out with them. He got progressivly worse to the point where he would flat out tell me he didn't like me hanging out with my guy best friend who i've been friends with for 6 years.

The way i handled it was to talk to him and just reassure him that there was no reason for him to be jelous. That i am with him and that no one could change that. Not matter what any guy did or said that i loved him and that if he truely trusts me than he will be able to accept that i am friends with guys and that there is no reason for jealousy.

In your case it sounds like there is a major trust issue on his part. The fact that you can't take a shower w/o him accusing you of cheating makes me think that he's been cheated on before, not necessarily by you, but maybe a previous gf. I would sit him down and say that if he expects to marry you that he's got to learn to trust you. If you don't have trust than you don't really have a marriage.

ps. my bf is now my fiance and he's come to terms with the fact that i don't have feelings for anyone but him and that he's safe. He trusts me and has gotten so much better that i've actually been able to go out to the bars w/my guy friend and not have the 20 questions about the night. So good luck, and just remember that communication is KEY!

Answer 3

I dont think there's much you can do to change the way he feels, have you heard of "jealousy is a disease"? well it's also contagious so be careful my boyfriend is the same way and we've been together for 5 years now and still he doens't change he knows he has a problem and we've tried everything and nothing seems to work. Now I think I'm becoming jealous and insecure about him also since he's always accusing me of doing things I dont do which makes me wonder why would he accuse me of such things. Like they say whoever does it thinks it.

Answer 4

You can't fix this, it's his problem. Your best bet it to leave him for a new guy. This isn't a new problem, either you ignored it or he hid it. This is why people should date for a long time before getting married, these things come out over time.

This is not a good comb in a guy and will get worse over time. It leads to many bad things that you won't like in the future, things much worse than what you are currently putting up with.

You have been warned.

Answer 5

honey, i'm sorry to say this, but he will only get worse once you are married. you can't "fix" him. he's broken on the inside. and guys who are that jealous & insecure can do some crazy things. i know he loves you but he has a serious problem. he needs counseling. you're fooling youself if you theink this is a healthy relationship. just b/c he doesn't hit yoy or call you names doesn't mean he's not being abusive in his own way. he sounds really controlling too. my advice - run away. he sounds really off. he needs counseling. you can't help him. and he will only make your life progressively miserable as the years pass.

Answer 6

GIRL move on been through that **** don't go through he hasn't hit you as yet but the day will come when he will and you'll regret it I HAD even if he love s you he could be cheatin but the jealous ones you will not fine living with for the longest time try to fine a more cooler person to be with

Answer 7

at the very least you need to postpone thoughts of marriage! more than likely, without intense counseling for him to address his own obvious insecurities, things will get worse. he may not be physically abusive now but that can easily change down the road! whether you see it or not, he is starting to become controlling by making you feel you have to watch who you talk to or where you happen to be looking. he may eventually push you to leave your job because he will be suspicious of your co-workers. he might even try to change how you dress and what you wear so you dont attract attention from other guys. all this, even though it may not be physical, is still abuse because it will lead you to feel unhappiness and unfullfillment in your life, and lead to you feeling guilty for even talking to anyone other than him! i'm not saying there is no hope for him at all since he at least realizes he has a problem. with serious dedication and committment on his part, he may be able to overcome his obstacles. but he needs to find happiness within himself before he will truly feel happiness and security with you! but please be careful! you hear these kind of stories on the news and in documentaries all the time where he wasnt physical or controlling at first....things gradually get worse till one day its too late!

Answer 8

those are signs of abuse.
you need to be in a trusting relationship. he is causing you more stress than anything and you should leave.
pack up your things and move out. you are not the one that needs to change. he does. and chances are he wont.
he may not physically abuse you but what he is doing right now is emotional abuse.
get out before it turns physical.

Answer 9

It sounds like he's been hurt by girls in the past, and he does care for you so he doesn't want to lose you. Explain to him that you're not going to cheat on him, and there's nothing to worry about. Trust me, my boyfriend is like that too. he's more relaxed than that, I just have to reassure him that he's the only one for me. Just explain to him that when he gets so jealous like that, it shows he doesn't trust you. then if he disagrees, saying he does trust you, explain that he needs to loosen up then.

Answer 10

I feel for you. Same boat here. Things will not get better unless he trusts you. He needs counseling before you guys get married. If not, your marriage will never work.