someone make me laugh?

Answer 1

SMILE......
it makes your butt tingle.

Answer 2

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday the priest took the monsignors advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office he found the following note on the door.

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not get his a*s.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as J.C. and the boys.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say...he was stoned off his a*s

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the gurb, Yeah! God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.



I hope it didn't offend anyone

Answer 3

Ok this is a blonde joke:
Their were 3 women that escaped from a jail. They were running from the cops. It was a blonde a brunette and a red head. The first thing they came to was an old run down barn. They all ran inside and the first thing the brunette see's is three sacks. So the brunette see's one of the sacks that has cats in it so thinking to her self they will never find me here she jumps in. Then the red head see's a sack of ogs so she jumps in and forgets about the blonde. So the blonde see's a sack of potatoes. Thinking they will never find her she jumps in. The cops come and search the barn. He gets up to one of the sacks and pokes it. It was the one with the brunette and the cats so the brunette goes meow. The cope goes to the second sack and it was the red head and the dogs. The cop pokes that one. The redhead goes woof woof. The the third sack had the blonde and the potatoes in it. What do you think the blonde says? Potato Potato. She gets caught!!

Answer 4

Knock knock
who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito

Knock knock.
Whos there
Anna
Anna who
Annather mosquito

Knock knock
whos there
arthur
arthur who
arthurd mosquito

knock knock
whos there
ala
ala who
alast mosquito

knock knock
whos there
juan
juan who
juan more mosquito

Did I make you laugh? Even the "this is so pathetic and I know exactly what is coming next" laugh?

Answer 5

a child's dad is sick and the dad asked the child to get his sick pills. so kid repeated this on the way to the pharmacy but ran into a pole. when he got there, he said "gotta get dads sex pills." the doctor said "2 every 24 hrs." so the kid repeated this until he ran into another pole. then he said once he had gotten home, "24 every 2 hrs." the next day his friend asked what was up and the kid said to him, "well, my mom's dead. my sister's pregnant. my butt hurts, and dad's on the floor saying here kitty kitty"


hahahaha i know its sick but it is definitely funny!

Answer 6

How do you make Ohio State Buckeye cookies?

You put them in a BOWL and beat them for 60 minutes!!

~ACE~

Answer 7

cindy: i cant believe you looked at my porn derek!
matt: well im sorry but the guys you had on there were qui-ute

Answer 8

ok..............these three guys were goin to jump of a building the each got one wich one guy jumped of and said money and landed in a pile of money the other guy jumped off and said gold and landed in a pile of gold the other guy sliped and said oh **** and landed in a pile of ****!:}

Answer 9

POOF!!! You're a laugh.

Answer 10

your eyes are beautiful