For people who didn't have gift registry.( It's not a chinese tradition) My husband and I spent alot on my banquet, and some friends got me 5 dollar gifts one even brought extra person. It's about 80 dollars per person, We are very mad at these people and we don't ever want to talk to them anymore. Would you blame us for doing that? Don't you agree that weddings are not a good time to take advantage of friends( newly weds).
2007-03-26 11:29:38 · 17 answers · asked by 結縁 Heemei 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
hm, for the person who said it's the thought that counts, even a kid will bring a more thoughtful gift to they're friends party, these adults are not in school anymore and all got a stable jobs, these behaviors are not very forgivable.
2007-03-26 11:49:06 · update #1
If the (friends) are well off financially then I would be pissed off! I see that people are giving you a hard time without really answering your question..But I try to answer the question after putting myself in your shoes (person asking for advice) I know in your shoes I would be pissed since it takes so much time effort and money to have a perfect wedding the least these (friends) could have done is put a bit more effort into getting you a gift! if they could not afford one then they could have made something special (homemade gifts) are so thoughtful and cheap but it is the time and effort put into it that counts, I highly doubt that you got married for the gifts, but we all can appreciate our friends loving us enough to put effort into making our day a bit more special and something to be remembered..most gifts will be kept as a reminder of your special day and friend (bet they didn't care too much about that) I for one would not do that to my friend, and trust me this does not make you materialistic, it more then likely made you feel bad because you spent so much money for your friends to be a bit spoiled on your special day and you didn't get the same consideration from them..As for the friend that showed up with a cheap gift and another friend (what a way to add insult to injury) I would say follow your instinct with him/her that was very selfish and very inconsiderate..I wouldn't cut them off as friends completely but I definitely would distance myself from them and would really think twice about inviting them to any other parties..I'm sure others will either agree or disagree but I hope all understand that it is just my opinion...I hope this helped :)
2007-03-26 11:44:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You sound like you had an 8 course chinese dinner. There is protocol at these dinners. Firstly, the guest cannot just bring in extra friends without RSVP in advance. That is totally rude of them.
But, a wedding is not a place to make a profit. Good if you can but in most cases you still lose out. Sounds like you wanted the money to cover the cost of the food. I believe when you throw a party, throw a good one and don't expect anything from anyone... meaning don't expect help, money, food from anyone... so when they offer, it's a wonderful feeling. You are expecting them to pay for their own meals which I think is not right of you. Then you shouldn't have called anybody that you thought might not fork out 80 dollars per pax. In fact, you shouldn't have even thrown a banquet dinner and had a house party instead to save cost.
If money was such an issue to you then you should have not have a dinner at all and elope but traditions are to be followed.
To answer your question, negative karma is bad karma. You are mad at these people you call friends because they gave you a cheap gift. Why do you have to be mad? They are cheapskates or really broke. You got to evaluate your relationship with them. Maybe they don't have the money to give but maybe they have good hearts, helpful, great company...... If you still can't eccept them for what they are then avoid them to reduce your resentment towards them.
2007-03-26 21:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by Sa-Anne 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if you were having this banquet in order to get great gifts and truly expected great gifts then you should have registered tradition or not then that way people would know what you were expecting and to be mad that you did not get great gifts well it just depends on whether or not your friend ships with these people is based on that i have a friend who is a horrible gift giver but she is all ways there when i need her and for me that out weights the gift thing so if you spent the money for this party with the idea that how much people cared about you would be determined by what they brought you then i guess you found out the same way that they will find out that their friendship was based for you on how much they spent on you guys! so i guess you all might be better off with out each other since the friendships that you guys have is based on gift prices as for the extra person did you send out RSVP cards with a option for plus one and they did not mark the box because a lot of people will bring some one especially if they are single so maybe you might have expected a few extra people?!
2007-03-26 19:04:13 · answer #3 · answered by peterpansdate 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
For one thing holy crap what did you have steak, prime rib, lobster, prawns, beluga caviar, and champagne, anyways if you can afford to spend 80pp then whats up with getting pissed with one extra person?
If these people are not aware of the culture and you did not tell
them then you have no one to be upset about other then yourselves.
Your acting like a spoiled rich brat that if she doesn't get everything she wants she throws a tantrum hello
Mrs. Bridezilla. If you are going to end friendship for this reason alone then how much of a friend were they to you in the first place?
I'm actually sorry for the guy you married because you sound like a complete snob. You also sound like someone that only cares about MONEY! If this is true I'm sorry to say that your marriage may not last long if all you think about is your financial status?
Congratualtions on your wedding and all but remember friends you had in the past may just tend to vanish over the years. When you get married sometimes it is for the best the friends leave the picture because your single life has come to an end. It is now time to find other couples to socialize with.
GOD BLESS.
2007-03-26 18:50:35 · answer #4 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I'm not sure if mad is the right approach. I don't want you to take offense to this, but this is the devil's advocate approach.
$80pp is a bit outrageous and to get upset that an additional person came seems pointless. You're already spending an arm and a leg on catering what's one more going to do? Secondly I realize you didn't have a gift registry, but did you get married for the gifts? If I'm correct a marriage is about to people becoming one. Gifts are a gesture of generosity. Not everyone has the money to blow and I don't think you should take such a personal offense to it.
You're the one who needs to decide if they're your friends. It sounds like your the one not being a friend.
2007-03-26 18:36:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
There's probably a perfect explanation why they couldn't abandon this other person by coming to your wedding, so they invited the other person to come along. As for the five dollar gifts, every body knows it's the thought that counts.
2007-03-26 18:38:41 · answer #6 · answered by J Doe 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The $ amount spent on a gift is not the point, it's the thought behind it and maybe they were on a budget! Obviously, you are very selfish people and are very materialistic! You can't put a price on friendship, but obviously you do!!!!!! Some people invite their friends to share in the most important day in their lives, not for the gifts!You are right, weddings are not a good time to take advantage of friends, SO YOU SHOULDN"T HAVE DONE IT!
2007-03-26 18:46:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I dont care what these people think it IS the thought that counts which means these people dont think very much of you at all.
If you knew them to be financially strapped thats one thing but personally Im a great and thoughtful gift giver,nothing is more lousy then getting some cheapo half assed gift in return.
I remeber one Anniversary I bought my BF a 100 dollar genuine swiss army knife something he really wanted came in a fancy box and crap..He got me a dolphin candle I recognized immediatly from the dollar store...
I wouldnt disown them,but I wouldnt invite them to anything else either.
2007-03-26 21:35:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
do something for me........go stand in front of a mirror and tell me what you see.
because what all of us see is a greedy little brat.
i agree that bringing an extra person wasn't really the right thing for the one couple to do. as for your other guests, perhaps they really could only afford an inexpensive gift. these people may have spent a goodly amount of money travelling to your wedding, did they have to stay overnight in a motel/hotel? and even if they didn't perhaps they just couldn't afford a gift expensive enough to suit your taste.
not everyone can pay $80/plate for a meal, its lovely that you can but for you to expect gifts to cover the cost of the meal is just ignorance. i think this little bride is too greedy, too spoiled, and way too demanding.
if you are going to throw away friends because they didn't come up with good enough gifts to suit you then you aren't much of a friend. and you will end up being a very lonely couple.
instead of being happy and grateful that all these friends came to help you celebrate a happy day, you are insulting them. you need a lesson in manners little girl! and if your husband agrees with you, so does he.
the idea of a gift isn't the cost of it, its the thought that someone put into buying it for you. and by the way, regardless of the cost of the gift, it is OUR custom to send a gracious thank you card telling the people how much you appreciate their celebrating your special day with such a lovely gift!
you should be ashamed of yourself, but i doubt you have the brains.
p.s. neesa, good luck with yours as well........what an attitude you two have!
2007-03-26 19:01:33 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I know what you mean It's very disappointing. It's a shame all the effort, time, energy, and money, and there are people who just show up to eat and get drunk. Those are usually the people who complain too. To tell you the truth I'm already expecting for some of my guest to do that. All I can say is try to concentrate on all the good that came out of your wedding. Best of luck in the future.
2007-03-26 19:05:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋