Hey peepazoids. This girl that I like is having a party, and she said that I can do a stand up comedy for the audience. I'm so scared, please give me some good comedian jokes or any suggestions so I don't embarrass myself in front of the girl I like! Please! Thanks.
-me
2007-03-26 10:54:49 · 10 answers · asked by Dashiznit 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Are these good?
I was talkin' to God the other day, he said he wants to get rid of all the retards and fags on earth, then I said, "But I like George Bush!"
Ol' Motha' hubberd
went to her cubbard
to give her old dog a bone
when she bent over
Rover took over
and gave her a bone of his own!
2007-03-26 11:16:09 · update #1
Listen to Mitch Hedberg.
2007-03-26 10:57:29 · answer #1 · answered by Nitz Frugent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watch Pablo Francisco's first show on YouTube. He's wearing a sort of gray shirt and the background is purple and techno. Or watch Dane Cook where he's wearing a black tank top and the drum behind him has his name. But Pablo Francisco can do a movie preview guy voice sooooo good. Almost all of the guys in my class do that. It's comedy.
2007-03-26 11:01:29 · answer #2 · answered by snoopy24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy goes into a bar with a giraffe and orders a beer, a bit later he gets up to go to the bathroom. The bartender says;
"Hey you can't leave that lyin' there",
the guy replies "It's not a Lion it's a Giraffe"
OK it's a bit lame, funny though.
2007-03-26 11:01:44 · answer #3 · answered by samootch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for doing somthing like that to impress her! It takes a real man to do that. But i have one joke, its more of a riddle but it had me fooled!!!
Ok, so this guy takes this girl to the movies. He secretly hates her and plans to kill her that night. His plan is to go see a horror film, so that when everyone else screams, he will slit her throat and she will scream without anyone noticing. So when he feels that a scary part is coming, he gets out his knife, and sure enough, everyone screams , as he cuts her throat and she screams. Then he takes the body with him out the regular exit without anyone else even noticing. Why doesnt anyone at the movies notice him takeing the dead body out?
Answer: It is a drive in movie.
I thought it was a pretty good one. hope you get her attention!!
2007-03-26 11:01:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this one's kinda already taken by Demitri Martin... but whatever go for it:
if someone asks you the question,"are you ticklish?", it doesnt matter if you say yes or no. They are going to touch you. So if you dont want to touched, you gotta say something like, "i have diarrea. now leave me alone cuz ur gonna make it come out.... and yes im very ticklish."
ha its funnier than it sounds. trust me, its all in the delivery. and if all fails just tell funny stories.
2007-03-26 11:04:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I got some viagra hung in my throat last night. Woke up with a STIFF neck!
My son (or brother) got caught having sex with his teacher. It bothers me because he's home schooled.
2007-03-26 10:58:14 · answer #6 · answered by tumbleweed1954 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ummm these jokes may offend. You might want to use some cleaner ones!
2007-03-26 12:43:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you make Ohio State Buckeye cookies?
You put them in a BOWL and beat them for 60 minutes!!
~ACE~
2007-03-26 11:42:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anything that Robin Williams has done. He's hilarious.
2007-03-26 10:58:44 · answer #9 · answered by mommy_2_little_man 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK WHY WULD U DO STAND UP COMEDY IF U DONT KNOW ANY JOKES???? sounds like u really shuldnt be doing it u might make a fool of urself!!!!!!
2007-03-26 11:14:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋