Why do some older parents look at being a young parent as a bad thing?

Question

Ok I had my baby on september 22 2006, Im 18 and you wouldnt believe the looks i've been getting. Why do people I dont know look at me like having my baby was a bad thing. Having a baby is one of the best things that every happened to me (besides meeting my soulmate). If it wasnt for my daughter I dont think that I would live to see this day. Shes made my life worth living and ever since she was born i am less depressed than befor. Just because of my age doesnt mean I should be treated less worthy than older parents. Why do some older parents look at being a young parent as a bad thing?

Yea I know its unusual for people to find a soulmate at my age. Alot of teenage guys just want to get into your pants (and its not just the teenage guys doing it, its the females also). I was happy when I found someone who wasnt like that. I guess we both connected because we both have had broken hearts before in long term relationships and know how it feels. Also people have told me that I've been through alot of things in my life and I've seen alot (more than what alot of people see in there whole lives).

For me and my boyfriend (soon to be husband)... If you have enough money to care for a child (wich I do) then there should be no financial burden of raising children. Im not rich but Im doing really good considering where I came from (my mother and father refer to me as the "Madonna" of the family) The only thing I wish we had was a house of our own (which we will be looking for one in "the poconos" soon)

"I fear that a young woman of 18 is looking for a man and a baby to make her whole, when you should make YOURSELF whole first, then you can be in an equal marriage and a better parent who knows her self worth."... you are an intelligent person. You may fear that but every 18 year old doesn't think the same and who is the one to say that a young person isnt whole yet. I've gone through alot in life that i care not to get into detail about. all i can say is growing up without a home, taking care of my baby brother while my parents do crack has made me the mature person i am now. Who is to say that im not not thay "Whole" person that you are talking about

PS it is not just me that has gone through a life like this. I was raised in brooklyn new york and pennsylvania. About 89% of my friends have gone through the same thing that I have. When Im in new york, pennsylvania and new jersey, I dont get these stares of disguist because alot of people in urban areas have been through what I have been through. I think people should not only learn about whats going on around the world but in there own country

Answer 1

I myself was pregnant at 17 and had my daughter just before I turned 18. I got a few looks, but hey they don't know you or where you came from. For all they know you're parenting skills and baby knowledge could be ten times what theirs is. Take care of your child and don't worry about what other people do or say. They for one are mad that their bodies didn't bounce back as quick as it does when your younger and for two they think that we are inexperienced. I am now 21 and people that know me tell me that no matter what my age is they can see that I am one of the best mothers that they know. My child is happy and healthy and that's all that matters.

Answer 2

As common as teen mothers are, they are rare individuals in our communities and do attract undue attention as people imagine what that must be like or if it was their daughter in that situation.

I am an older parent and I am so glad that I am. I got to really enjoy every second of my 20s and live for myself. I got to travel and date and live alone. Live alone - that's the important one. I don't think I could have coped as a young mother - I don't think I would have had the patience and I think I would have resented not getting a chance to live for myself after 19 years of living under someone else's roof.

Having said that, my mother was almost 16 when she had me and my twin sister. That's right folks - 2 babies attending her sweet 16 and a third before she was 20 and then divorced at 22 and raised us largely alone. It boggles my mind, frankly and I was there.

My mom and I are devoted friends and have been all our lives. The small age difference between us has been a total blessing and now she is young enough to enjoy her grandchildren, even though I waited until I was 33 to become a mother - more than double the age she did. My mother has told me that the relationship that we have shared has made all the crap she had to put up with in her life worthwhile.

We live just a few doors away from each other and I am very grateful that she did have me so early in her life. By now I am her oldest and dearest friend - it's a perspective that few mother/daughter relationships get to share. Don't pay any attention to what others say and do. Go girl, go!

Peace!

Answer 3

It's simply because of how society views this kind of situation. They had not been able to accept the idea that the youth of today is more mature than the youth of yesterday. What was considered as a scandal in the fifties/sixties/seventies is now an accepted everyday occurence.

I'm no parent, but I am an observer. For me, having a friend who is now a parent hadn't made much of a difference in how I view it. My parents viewed the whole thing at an entirely different perspective. They think my friend wasted her life by having a baby too soon. But I think having a baby forced her to grow up. It's not that I think what she did was wrong, I actually thought it was pretty admirable that she had chosen to go through with the pregnancy and not resort to abortion. If there's anything that saddened me about the whole thing was that she wasn't prepared for the responsibility. Physically yes, she's prepared, emotionally and psychologically, no, she wasn't. (She's actually a bit older than you).

From what I can see though, you're prepared psychologically, and emotionally for the responsibility you are now facing. And because people don't know your capability and your commitment to pursuing a family with your husband-to-be at such a young age (barely out-of-school age as our parents seem to think), you will be in the receiving end of the stigma. If you look around you, you see other youths going through the same thing, but with an obvious reluctance, thus reflecting badly on all who became young mothers by choice. That's the difference between you and some of the teenage mothers around, you became a mother by choice and be proud of it. Prove to all your detractors that this was no accident. That this isn't something you did not wish for with all of your heart. And know that you are admired by people like me who values integrity, a sense of responsibility, commitment, and courage to face the world with your head held high.

Answer 4

First off, congrats on your baby! Secondly, I have the same problem. I'm 21 and had my first baby 9 weeks ago. I get rude comments all the time; mostly people trying to give me "advice" about the simplest things on how to take care of my baby as if being young automaticly makes you stupid or something. I say its nobodys bussiness what you do when. I mean you're 18, not 12! You're an adult by every right, and in most countries, and in the US just 6 decades ago, most girls had 2 or 3 kids by 18! I think having kids at a young age, like God intended, is better. Babies born to younger parents have a less percentage of birth defects, we have more energy to care for and play with our kids, and we'll be more likely to live to see our children grow up. There's nothing wrong with people waiting until they're a little older for kids ( my mom was 30 when she had me, her only child) but thats their choice just the same as having your daughter at 18 is yours. Good luck!

Answer 5

I consider myself a young mom and I had my first at 26. I was always the youngest women in the doctors office. I think that a girl still in her teens should wait before CHOOSING to start a family. I don't believe that she will necessarily be a bad mother because of her age. I do think that she has ALLOT of living left to do before making the life altering, PERMANENT choice of marriage and children. At even 20 years old, although mature enough to have true love and bare children, who you are is still forming. The man you love at 20 may not be the man you will love at even 25. Learning to support yourself, live alone, and live a life of Independence is so important to making you a whole person. I fear that a young woman of 18 is looking for a man and a baby to make her whole, when you should make YOURSELF whole first, then you can be in an equal marriage and a better parent who knows her self worth. And lets not forget the financial burden of raising children, which at 18, unless you have a nice trust-fund, you cannot earn what it takes to make a family thrive.

Answer 6

This is a VERY true statement. However, I found more snide remarks and comments for having a child out of wedlock. My first husband and I were BOTH 17 when my first child was born. We both graduated H.S. and married. I felt this overwhelming NEED to keep striving harder and to give my daughter the world. Thus, I joined the Navy in order to better everything. Needless to say, I was 25 with 3rd child and 3rd husband. Now I am going through a nasty divorce with someone who only cares about $$. I am 32 now and I feel like I was a much better parent at 17 than I am now. In addition, when I went through Nursing School, teen-age mothers were bashed and it was very offensive to me. However, statistics show certain "behavior" patterns. Ironically, when I sought treatment for Anxiety, I found that the Dr. tries to "stereotype" you as well for treatment. Having a 'degree' and an honor student, it never dawned on him that I was a teen-age mother until year later. It threw him slightly off track. We all are human and you can be a "GOOD' or "BAD" mother at any age. Let all that you do be for the best for the baby and of course yourself!

Answer 7

Having a baby is a blessing at any age, as you well know. Older people look at the responsibilities attached to child rearing, and understand that raising a child makes college, or working that much more difficult for a young parent. Ideally a couple is financially stable when they start a family and decide to have children, usually that means after college. Reality sometimes trumps ideals and we deal with life as best we can. Congratulations on your baby and best of luck.

Answer 8

Well, sometimes older people are more wiser and think things sometimes better than younger people. My younger sister does things without thinking and one day we hope that she will think of the consequences before she acts. But it is not a bad thing having a baby at a young age, if the parents that have it are responsible. By taking action on taking care of there baby, giving the baby lots of love. Some people just bring babies to the world and don't even take care of them how they are supposed to. I am glad to hear that your baby changed your life in a good way...you are going to be a great mother...and don't worry about what people think...cause people just want to critize! You take care and keep your head up high!

Answer 9

I read through everything you wrote, and I think it is safe to say that you are very mature for your age - you aer the exception to the general rule.

Most people your age are not mature, not responsible enough to care for a child, have no money or job prospects, and, like you said, just "looking to get in someone's pants". Would you want someone like that to have a baby? I don't think so. When people see you, all they see is your age - they have no way of knowing that you are capable of providing a stable and healthy environment for your baby. So they judge you based on the average 18 year old, and come to the conclusion that it is a bad thing.

Yes, they shouldn't be so quick to judge - I am not defending their opinion, just explaining it.

Answer 10

My wife and I waited till we were married to have our first child. Shortly after we were married, we found out we were going to have a baby. My wife was 20, i was 19.

To this day, we have issues with my wife's family because we started off so "young" yet having our children are the best thing for us.

I spent alot of time doing research and realized a few things that stood out in our situation. Her family came from a somewhat good background but her mother had alot of issues with her "adult" life. Multiple Divorce's, and spouce abuse... She also lost one of her children in a car wreck.

From what we are able to pull together, her mom has issues with us being parrents at such a young age because we are doing something she could never do. She did not have a choice, she was forced into it. My wife and I have a wonderful relationship and a very strong family. We live for our children and that is what makes life so special to us.

hope some of that helps?