What to do with a toddler who stops breathing during a tantrum?

Question

My friends' 18 month old throws a fit, screams and howls- and then holds his breath... until his lips turns blue. Meanwhile, everyone jumps up and down, shouting and waving over baby until he takes a breath, at which point not only the toddler but everyone present is upset. My question is two-fold: 1- is there any danger that a child could actually die doing this? (I am under the impression that the baby will pass out and then the brain takes over the breathing commands.) 2- is this possibly a control issue and how do you stop it? Another child in the family does the same thing. I've noticed that it is a very sucessful way for the children to get what they want. On the other hand, I feel a bit bad when I don't join in the frantic 'toddler dance'- like I don't love the child. What is the deal with this behavior? If I baby-sit and this happens, do I need to be worried?

Answer 1

You are right on both counts... if he is able to hold his breath long enough to pass out, then that is what will happen. Then, his regulatory system will take over, and he will begin to breathe on his own until he wakes up. Toddlers do this as a form of control. When they don't get what they want, they can throw some really awesome fits, and if they realize that holding their breath will get some attention- guess what they'll continue to do? Kids are smarter than people give them credit for, especially when it comes to getting what they want. Kids are also great at knowing who to play... if mom and dad respond to these tantrums, and you don't- who do you think they will attempt to manipulate this way? That's right- the ones who respond. If you happen to babysit, and you get this type of behavior (probably when telling them "no", or if you are attempting to get them to respond to a request to do something), do the following:
- Say, "I can't hear you when you are screaming. Please talk in a quiet voice."
- Do: walk away out of sight.
Doing this, you'll probably shock him, since he is used to people making a big fuss over his actions. Either he will continue to follow you throwing his tantrum, or he will stop once he realizes that you aren't paying any attention. Ignoring is a very effective tool when it comes to tantrums, especially the kind where the child is exerting control (as in breath-holding ones). Do not have eye contact, nor speaking. Pretend as if he isn't even there- go about whatever you are doing- laundry, dishes, make up something to do. Now, this may tick him off, since he isn't used to being ignored, but for it to work, you have to wait him out. Believe me, there is only a finite amount of time that a toddler can keep going on a tantrum before they are exhausted. In order to further help him develop some language (which is the basis for most tantrums- they aren't being understood by the people around them and they get frustrated), the parents should work on implementing some easy sign language into their communications with him (you can find some common ones on http://www.babysigns.com) and some picture cards. Picture cards are easy... take pictures of the things around the child that they like (food, toys, places to go, drinks), print them out, laminate the cards, and put them onto a key ring (so they can be easily carried around). This way, when he is attempting to talk about what he wants, he can be show pictures and asked, "show me". This eliminates a lot of frustration on the toddler's part, since there is a concrete representation of the object that he can point to when he wants it. Signing and picture cards are easy ways to help a toddler develop ways to communicate with those around them. It greatly decreases their frustration, since the people are able to understand their communication attempts. Some people are afraid that using picture cards and signing will delay a child's speech development, but that is not true. These actually help develop language skills at a quicker pace, since they incorporate other modes of learning into making language connections by using visual and motor (muscles) sensory systems. This incorporation of the body's systems makes it more likely that information will be retained in more areas of the brain. Just because a child cannot talk yet does not mean that he doesn't have something to say. And, just because he throws a fit doesn't mean he has to get whatever it is he wanted. Can you imagine that as a teenager? Not a pretty thought. The parents can really help by ignoring the behavior (since that is all it is) and giving him some positive ways to communicate to them.

Answer 2

i used to know a child that did this, it was just an easy way to get his mom's attention (who tended to completely ignore her son until he threw a tantrum in which case she'd grab him and hug him and tell him she loved him don't be upset, hmm, wonder why he kept throwing tantrums). this is just an extreme toddler tantrum and generally ignoring it is the best solution. There is no way that you can actually die from holding your breath because you will pass out first and you will beging breathing again. the only danger is that doing this alot can cause pretty bad headaches which is going to make the toddler more upset.

Answer 3

Hi - my daughter does the same thing - she holds her breath so long during crying fits she turns blue and twice she has actually fainted!! It totally freaked me out the first time - and it scares the crap out of anyone who is caring for her. I talked to my pediatrician about it - he assured me that (a) there is no danger to this, as you state above they will faint if worse comes to worse and the brain will take over, and (b) he told me she'd eventually outgrow it, but told me it could be when she's 5! And she has literally been doing this since about 9 months old and she's now 3 yrs and still does it. I think its definitely a control issue - my daughter and it sounds like your friends child certainly gets a great reaction out of it when they do it! WIth my daughter, I try to ignore it as much as possible and I haev to say its decreased.... and obviously don't reward it whenever possible. They will outgrow it eventually. Good luck!

Answer 4

My sister did this from the day she was born! When she was mad she held her breath. We never ever did anything once we figured out she was doing it on purpose not because of any problem.

She never even passed out and I think she stopped around 18 months because IT WASN'T GETTING HER WHAT SHE WANTED. However for this boy it is getting him what he wants so of course he will continue.

And yes if he passed out he would breathe on his won. I wouldn't freak out if he did it when you were baby sitting. In fact I would turn away from him or leave the room (if it is safe). You may find after a few times he never does it when the two of you are alone because it doesn't pay off.

Answer 5

Temper tantrums range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath holding. They're equally common in boys and girls and usually occur from age 1 to age 3. Some children may experience regular tantrums, whereas for other children, tantrums may be few and far between. Children's temperaments vary dramatically - some kids are more prone to tantrums than others.

During the kicking-and-screaming chaos of the moment, tantrums can be downright frustrating. But instead of looking at them as catastrophes, treat tantrums as opportunities for education.

Answer 6

Do absolutely nothing this behavior is getting him attention so he will continue it. The child will start breathing again before or after they pass out. But they won't die from it.

Answer 7

I'd just walk off and leave them. That would take care of the problem as now they don't have anyone to watch them and will soon find out that it doesn't work. Now the child will need to find something different to do to get your attention.

Answer 8

i know a couple whose son would do this if he didn't get his way. every frickin time! after freaking out about it the first time, we realized that if he held his breath long enough, he'd pass out and start breathing again, no worries. it actually happened at that same age, and i think that he just outgrew it. he just wanted to get things that he wasn't allowed. it was him trying to control his surroundings. believe me, we all freaked out until we realized what was happening.

Answer 9

He will have to eventually come up for air. Just sit down with him calmly. If you leave the room, he may feel alone. Also, pick up the child and hold him. He may find your/the parents embrace comforting. I really hope this helps!!!

Answer 10

my brothers daughter did this and their ped told them if it gets to the point where hes worried to blow lightly in her face and she will mostlikley take a breath ...
i dont know why it works but my brother said he only had to do it a few times and she stopped doing it