Ok, he's at it again. Need Bipolar advice.?

Question

My husband hasd a major manic episode almost exactly a year ago. Hospitalized twice within a month and had bad reactions to meds. Had since been on Lithium with good results, except that it made him feel like a slug. (Always wanting to sleep)

Recently, and with out talking to me or the doctor he quit his lithium (Was smart enough to taper off so I wouldn't notice immediately). So now he is acting agitated, easily offended, and has been spouting conspiracy theories, again...

Before you say "get him back on his meds!", I know he needs that, but refuses.

So, my question is; "Given that he is not completely at the height of his mania, and not at the point where they would admit him, but almost more than I can handle right now, he won't attend the group therapy...Would it be really wrong of my to take his keys and his bank cards and lock up his hunting gear until he gets back on his meds?"

P.S. Please don't suggest I leave him. After 15 years together, it won't happen.

Thanks everyone so far for the graeat words.
Dill & Natali you both said things that I really, really needed to hear. I do feel like I have lost control, and I am not the 'control freak' type. It's just really hard when he's disconnected and delusional and they kids don't understand... I gotta go find tissue now. A case of tissue. I really appreciate everyone's time and thoughts. I'll see how things go tonight.

Answer 1

I have many years of experience being Bipolar. I don't know if you two ever made out a crisis plan when he wasn't in a crisis, but it would be a good idea to make one after things level out. Part of our crisis plan includes that my wife can take my keys, credit cards, cash, checks, sharp objects and the like away to keep me safe. Remember, his safety is more important than not pissing him off. Do what you have to do. If your were my wife, I would appreciate it (well, maybe not today, but later). Our plan also gives her permission to contact my doctor. Even when things are going smoothly (or as smoothly as they can go - you know what I mean), our plan includes that she has permission anytime to ask about my med's and to remind me to go to my Dr. appts.

I'm sure you've done a lot of self-education. Is it possible that lithium is the wrong drug choice for him? I know it took almost twenty years until my doc hit on what seems to be the right drug combo for me.

Thank you for caring and for trying to find out what the right thing to do is. Most wives wouldn't do that. My best wishes to you both.

Answer 2

I definitely think that you should take anything he shouldn't have access to (keys, bank accounts, guns, etc.) and hide them. Do whatever you can to prevent him from doing something he will regret later. Also, if he gets violent or is a danger to you before you can get him help, get out, even if it is only temporary. You won't do him any good if he hurts you.

Also, talk to his psychiatrist to see if the lithium is necessary. These days lithium is usually only prescriped when no other medication will work. Not only do many patients suffer from the slugishness your husband does, it is a very dangerous medication if the dosage is not monitered closely. He should have been having bloodwork done regularly to check for potential liver damage. There are many other medications with fewer side effects that may work for him. Only a psychiatrist will be able to help him determine that. Maybe if he understands that other medications are available and may be able to control his illness without making him feel like a slug it will be easier to get him in to a doctor.

Answer 3

Bi polar is the most difficult "treatable" illness to face for a partner at times. You want to help but they refuse. The meds work, but they make the person feel less like themselves and cause a great deal of problems in and of themselves.
however, if his manic episodes are so extreme it is important that he both see a medical professional, and return to a medicated state. While I am a firm believer that MOST mental conditions (bipolar, depression add) can be treated successfully without meds, it is not always the case.
One must understand things from the perspective of your husband also...In a manic mood he feels vital..alive..almost -high- and ehphoric..until he feels that someone is going to take that away (give meds, hospitalize etc). He protects this state of being becuase it feels good to him.
His feeling that the meds will take that away is valid, given that it is what they are designed to do. Many meds often cause disorientation, fatigue, physical problems (ie cramps, vomiting, nausea, etc). they can influence diet and appetite, and most often make a person feel disconceted, their senses dulled. They can become clumsy or weak. It is frustrating for the person taking them.
your suggestion of stowing away dangerous items, and credit cards is a good one, but also do contact his dr. You must approach your husband firmly, but not so much so that he will become paranoid and defensive. perhaps he needs to see how his actions are affecting you, and how much better you got along when he was still on his meds.

Answer 4

If he gets too out of hand and you have some safety issues for him or you or others, you can try and get a mental health warrant to get him inpatient. I don't know how his mania has manifested and to what degree in the past but before his "crash" he could engage in harmful or negative behaviors in which there is not turning back. You may have to be the rational one here but agitating or angering him even more may not be wise. Consider signing a behavioral contract when he is stable in which you both agree what precautions will be taken and what he needs to do if he is contemplating stopping his meds.

Answer 5

I would leave the bank cards alone maybe leave him just one but definitely lock up the hunting gear. Has he tried Depakote? My friend takes that, he seems to be okay with it and doesnt do so good when hes off it. When he is having one of his good days, where he is more open to listen, refer him to an intense therapy outpatient program, and let him know that if he wants to make you happy and if he loves you, he'll do this for you...for the both of you, drive him there everyday and try to go with him the first couple of days if they let you or at least stay near by or meet him when they break for lunch. Intensive threapy are usually group sessions where they meet up to 8 hours, everyday, for at least 2 weeks. Remember to tell him this on one of his good days (or hours). If the doctor will not admit him if you feel that he needs to be admitted, and things get to the extreme, consider exagerrating by telling the doctor that he's showing early signs of suicide or even say that he is threatening to injure himself. All in all, you need to talk to a professional.

Answer 6

I was diagnosed with bipolar over 23 yrs. ago. He is at his height of mania. Every mania attack may be different. You may take all those things away from him, but you cause him to become very angry, most likey. I would get suggestions from his DR. on what to do.Absolutely lock up his hunting gear though! Or simply get it out of the house.

Answer 7

you're right, you cant leave him.... we(im bipolar too) need somebody there... even though we may act like we dont give a damn and scream, we still love you... i think taking his hunting gear is the best thing you can do right now... He cant drive the way he is right now.... i did some pretty crazy stuff when i was in my mania time... well not so crazy but i wouldnt trust myself with a car or a gun... do what your heart tells you to do....

Answer 8

I don't know that you could really do that legally since he is an adult. has he talked to his doctor about changing his medicine. my son was diagnosed with bi polar 3 years ago and they are still constantly changing his meds it takes time to find the right med and dosage and often times even after we find something that seems to work after a period of time the med seems to loose it effectiveness

Answer 9

Prioritize 1 Kids safety 2 you 3 hubby
Do what is needed asap

Answer 10

No don't do that. That would just make him more angry. You need to seek help not just for him, but for you too. YOU need a support group. After all, this is a family illness. You are important, you deserve to feel in control. You need other people to talk to.