Me and my fiancee (we are 17) live together and recently my fiancee was raped by two men who broke in our house. Since then she has slept with me (normally we slept in seperate beds becasue we are not legally married yet) but didnt like physical contact. Last night we had sex for the first time since she was raped. We showered together this morning and I told my friend about it and he said that by sleeping together, having sex prior to our wedding (which is two weeks away on Easter), and showering together we are setting a bad example for my 3 year old daughter (from a past girlfriend) who lives with us. I disagree. First my faincee is so shook up over her rape she is afraid to be alone so all we do together is necessary. The wedding is so close and we have lived together for four months now and my daughter calls my fiancee "mom" even those she isnt her mother. So I feel we are doing nothing wrong. What do you all say?
2007-03-26 10:21:41 · 16 answers · asked by Martin A Neville 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I mean above our wedding is on Easter.
2007-03-26 10:25:28 · update #1
For those saying my daughter was born when I was 15, you are wrong. I was 13 when she was born, not 15.
2007-03-26 11:20:43 · update #2
I don't think that you're setting a bad example for your daughter. We are in a new era were people aren't traditional anymore. You and your fiancee chose to try to be, but because of a horrific event you both were craving that closeness. Other people might tell you that it's wrong but really it is all up to you and her. Good luck with the wedding.
2007-03-26 10:28:35 · answer #1 · answered by ahvismommy 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are definitely not setting a bad example for your daughter. She is 3 years old. She is certainly not aware of the relevance of marriage or the religious views of sex before marriage.
I think your physical contact is vital to your fiance's recovery from her ordeal if that is what she needs. And that has to be of extreme importance at the moment. Your fiance's mental state will be picked up long before the fact that you were in the shower together 2 weeks before you were married by your little 3 year old daughter.
As long as your daughter is not exposed to or watching you having sex there is nothing wrong with her seeing her mum and dad shower together and showing affection as a couple. She will grow up with a healthy attitude towards sex and affection.
But just one word of advice - never discuss such personal and private details about your partner or your sexual activities to a friend (not only is it supposed to be private between the two of you, its a breach of confidence and trust between husband and wife!!)
I wish all three of your every happiness
2007-03-26 11:42:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At that age, there is no chance that the child will ever think - they had sex 4 weeks before they got married. She will just grow up remembering that mom and dad were affectionate and did a lot of things together when she was small.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad about loving things you do for your family and don't ever let an outsider change the way you do things. The calmer and happier you can be in your day to day life the better for yourselves and your children. I would tell this person to mind their own business or just vote with my feet and walk away.
Peace!
2007-03-26 11:18:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar boat when my daughter was three. She wasn't even aware of what was going on. In this case, I think you need to tell your friend that although you thank him for his concern, he/she needs to back off. Your daughter is not even aware what marriage is. If she were older, I would say yeah, thats a bad example. But since she is so young and you are getting married anyway, I would say do as you are doing if it is what is best for your fiance. Sorry to hear about the break in. (I think the breakin was more traumatic for your fiance than it would be for your three yr old to see her in your bed in the morning)
2007-03-26 10:30:08 · answer #4 · answered by TrixyLoo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you're a sprint underweight. I trust the guy who reported to placed on 10 pounds. even perchance 20 would be sturdy. How previous is your daughter? you're youthful, so I guess she is in simple terms too. it is not too late to set a sturdy occasion! save up the salads and the walks. they're sturdy for you. (till you're taking it way too some distance) in simple terms upload a sprint greater form. some hen, ham, beans, or peas on your salad. possibly a somewhat bigger calorie salad dressing. (must be basic to alter decrease back to something low-cal in case you notice your self packing on too many pounds.) If it won't make you bypass overboard and earnings decrease back the full 50 pounds - then you definately ought to truly in specific circumstances have an ice cream along with your daughter. that's a beneficial, exciting handle and could tutor her a sturdy occasion that she will savour issues sparsely. you additionally can tell her that her objective is impressive, yet rigidity that she ought to objective for "healthful", no longer in ordinary terms "skinny."
2016-10-01 12:55:04 · answer #5 · answered by ilsa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you r not setting a bad example u need to be there for ur fiancee she needs u and sleeping alone is not helping. ur daughter does not know what marrage is and does not know one day from another. keep a strong relationship and everything will be fine. good luck and the best of wishes to a beautiful strong family
2007-03-26 10:58:12 · answer #6 · answered by corrie l 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your fine don't listen to an antagonistic person...every life is different your daughter won't remember when it counts believe me all you can do to ensure a stable home is be the BEST father you can be including marrying a wonderful bride. I commend you and hope everything works out ...your on your way! I'm sure GOD wouldn't be that upset either
2007-03-26 10:27:41 · answer #7 · answered by Diva 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
your daughter is very young so she probably doesn't understand the situation. I don't think your setting a bad example unless she knows what you two do behind closed doors. when she's older and wants to do things before marriage just explain the bad that comes with the good.
2007-03-26 10:40:37 · answer #8 · answered by Pumpkin Pie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its a bit late to be worrying about that now isn't it. You had your child at 15 so you weren't to worried about pre marital sex then, and you live together now with a girlfriend, which in a holier than thou religious household would be considered a sin whether your sleeping together or not. If your child sees love in your household how could you possibly be setting a bad example?
2007-03-26 10:26:51 · answer #9 · answered by juniormintsrock 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
no, ur child sees that her dad and her soon to be stepmother r in love
just make sure she doesn't see u two making love
wat ppl say is a sin when ppl live together be4 marriage is stupid
it won't kill u
and i think its nice that u r wanting to do things together becuz she got raped, u r helping her stay calm
2007-03-26 12:21:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋