My boyfriend and I live together in my house (mom gave to me). Well his friend who lives about 1 hour away will sleep over 1-3 times a week so he doesn't have to drive home late at night. He showers, eats my food, doesn't make his bed, etc. and now is starting to wash his laundry every time he is here. He does not pay for anything like food (that he eats here nor contributes), shampoo, soap, etc. I do not know if I am being paranoid or stingy but is this too much??????
Answers greatly appreciated!! :)
2007-03-26 10:08:47 · 33 answers · asked by tramany77 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Yeah I am afaid to confront him because I do not want to cause tension in the future. They are in a band together so they are close. BUT I am quite sick of this sh*t!!!
2007-03-26 10:21:18 · update #1
Thank you everyone, I just spoke with boyfriend and he agrees and said he will have a talk with him.
2007-03-26 13:39:41 · update #2
It's your boyfriend's friend; Let the money come out of his pocket and let him worry about it.
2007-03-26 10:11:27 · answer #1 · answered by Summer I 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I've read all the responses so far and some have good advice, but not one hits the spot.
You don't WANT another roomate. You have the one you want.
Do NOT ask for money, ask for him to get an apartment closer, or to drive the hour it takes to get home.
What will come next? He's sleeping in your home, eating your food, using your laundry. Will he be sleeping WITH you next?
Do NOT tell your boyfriend. Tell the moocher. Tell him he is welcome to come over anytime, but sleeping over, laundry, showers and the like are no longer an option. A GUEST will have a drink, maybe a snack, but BOTH should be offered, if you want to offer them. Otherwise, he is disrespecting you. He is NOT disrespecting your boyfriend. It is YOUR house. YOUR rules. YOUR call. Let me emphasize this again .. DO NOT INVOLVE YOUR BOYFRIEND.
One other thing. Do NOT get weepy. Handle it in a matter-of-fact way. Remember, he has a home. It's not like he is a charity case.
I hope you do well.
2007-03-26 10:37:07 · answer #2 · answered by azarus_again 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only tactful way to do this is to put your stuff away somewhere so he has to ask for it. I know this will be inconvenient for you, but try it. Put your laundry detergent in a cabinet and he will have to ask for it. Then you can say something like, "oh, did you need to borrow some laundry stuff?" Don't stock up so much on food, so he has to "dig" for something to eat.
He is being inconsiderate; however if your boyfriend doesn't have a problem with this, then you may have to just put up with it. But you can make it inconvenient for him without being rude. The down side is that things will be a little more inconvenient for you too.
You are right, it is too much. You are not being paranoid.
2007-03-26 11:10:11 · answer #3 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you are being too stingy! those things can be defintely add up! It wouldn't be that bad if he was just to sleep there and then make his bed in the morning and then leave, but he should realize that he is a guest in your house and should have some respect for you and your things. If things are to continue with this maybe have a talk with your boyfriend and tell him that this is bothering you and about what his friend can do to change his ways when he is over
2007-03-26 10:13:17 · answer #4 · answered by stretchskeleton10 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say if this happened every now and then, you should just be generous and share. But three times a week??? The guy is a leach. Talk to your boyfriend -- maybe he can say something to him about bringing food sometimes, using his own laundry soap, etc. OR, make sure your boyfriend is paying for all the stuff so YOU don't feel like you are being taken advantage of.
2007-03-26 10:12:32 · answer #5 · answered by bibliophile31 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The only awnser is Hel l Yes, he is taking advantage. Slowly but sneakily, he will not only be sleeping there 3 nights a week, but perhaps he will slowly begin to move his stuff in and then you will find YOU are doing his laundry.
I suggest you just lay it on the table with your boyfriend. Tell him in advance that if his friend is going to keep staying, he will start PAYING. Have your blowout with your man before the friend comes over. Perhaps he will save you the trouble of bringing it up. If he dosent, you are going to have to just have it out with the two of them.
Who do they think they are anyway? DONT get trapped by your boyfriends user of a friend. Hopefully the house is still in your moms name, and you can use that for leverage.
2007-03-26 10:15:47 · answer #6 · answered by Sionainn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow ...i do not could allow you to understand that your being positioned right into a not ordinary situation. It only never fails that once you attempt to do some thing solid for someone, it bites you interior the ***. i'm so sorry. properly, you have not any decision yet to search for advice from with this lady and be very truthful consisting of her on the way it really is hurting you and your relatives. If she is operating, she needs to ask round artwork to work out who, on her agenda, lives close to her the position she receives a holiday. The oldest newborn could could holiday the school bus. i visit't imagine that she ought to be a burden to you so i'm efficient she will comprehend. both way you've a large gamble of ruining the friendship. in case you search for advice from consisting of her, she could take issues the incorrect way or be expertise. in case you do not search for advice from consisting of her you'll only save getting extra pissed off till you already understand that the friendship is totally not artwork the aggravation.
2016-12-02 20:48:35 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing, you are totally being taken advantage of-- I can understand maybe , maybe once a week your man's budy stays over, and I can understand a meal everynow and then and letting him do laundry like once in a lifetime--BUT he has crossed the line and you should not have to speak up..tell your man thats the situation is totally inappropriate and that it is your house, your rules--if he cant confront his friend than his balls are to small for you! Good Luck.. I am curious to see how it turns out....poor thing
2007-03-26 10:17:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
both your boyfriend and his friend appear to be taking advantage of you:
- your boyfriend for not handling the situation himself since it's his friend
- and your boyfriend's friend since he has no business living with you guys.
It's quite admirable how you would not want to raise the matter with your boyfriend since you are avoiding tensio. It seems to me though that all the tension is already w/n you, just waiting to explode. I don't believe it's healthy on your part either. Might as well do something about it... it's your home after all.
c",
2007-03-29 22:54:25 · answer #9 · answered by DC Fanatic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. They both are taking advantage of you. Lay down the law according to you. If they can't obey by your rules then you need to re-evaluate your relationship. There are too many good men out there and you are probably too fabulous to put up with that crap. Don't let people take advantage of you. Remain calm and politely explain the rules. They can't get mad at you if you are calm and collected. (Well they can but their anger won't be justified.)
2007-03-26 10:21:51 · answer #10 · answered by Lauren Hottiman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does u'r bf contribute to any of these household expenses? does this friend help u'r bf with any $$ for going out or golf or whatever things that they do? have u talked with u'r bf about this?
no, u'r not paranoid and u'r not his mom either. talk with u'r bf 1st, then if he doesn't get anything done about it, then step up to the plate and don't charge him rent because then he'll really think he has "cart blanch" at u'r house. just let him know that he is a welcomed guest with limits. then TELL him those limits!
2007-03-26 10:39:10 · answer #11 · answered by cher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋