Am I being too liberal? Help me here, please?

Question

We are looking at getting custody of my niece and nephew because of extenuating circumstances.

My Father-in-law accused me in a hateful manner of being liberal because we want to build an additional room in OUR home for one of the children and not make our teenagers share rooms with my niece and nephew.

The kids haven't known one another for even a year yet. My children are a a boy 17, a girl 15, nephew is 14, and neice is 8.

We have plenty of space to add the room and the know how to do it. We aren't even asking for any assistance from my father-in-law in the form of money or labor.

Am I being too liberal wanting the children to have their own space in the house?

**Please note my husband is in agreement with me. We both want the kids to have their own space**

sorry for the typos - I got caught up in my thoughts....

My husband and I think he might of said this as a jab towards me because he knows I am not liberal in my way of thinking for the most part and he was being very difficult to talk to about it. We were excited to show my FIL and MIL what we had thought about and planned out. FIL immediately got defensive, argumentative, and verbally mean.

Please note - Our home was orignally built my my husband's grandfather. And was in very poor condition until we took it over and began renovating it.

Answer 1

I'm not sure what your Father-in-law's frame of reference is. Perhaps he grew up in crowded home himself, with kids sharing rooms, etc., and he doesn't see the need to go through the effort and expense to add on.

It might be worth a talk with him to sort it out.

But when it comes down to it, you know your kids better than anyone else, and you're directly linked in to their need for privacy and space, especially at their ages. None of the kids would appreciate having to share rooms (except maybe your niece, being only 8), and while I'm sure they COULD get by, why make them do that if you don't have to?

When it comes down to it, the call is entirely yours and your husband's. If you're both comfortable with the idea, then I would go ahead. But it never hurts to think about how you might help your Father-in-law understand your decision in a non-confrontational way.

By the way, good for you for being willing to take in your niece and nephew!

Answer 2

Sounds like there is an underlying issue regarding the children, and not so much whether or not they have their own rooms in your house. You said that once you told the inlaws about your plans, there was an immediate negative reaction from FIL. Why not sit down and ask him what his concerns are around having the children in your home? If you calmly start a conversation where you genuinely want to know where his head is at, the real issue will probably come out. Also, keep in mind that for men especially, saving face and taking care of their families goes to the heart of who they are so be gentle.

Answer 3

I can't see how that's being liberal. I think it's a bigger problem nowdays when too many people are crammed into small areas like we used to. If the new boy and girl merge into your children's rooms I think all kinds of problems could develop because they are older and need their space, plus that's what they are used to. There's no need to cause resentment. Adding a room is also a great investment. Think it through real well so it's well planned--a big closet and an extra bath that could be shared would be nice. Maybe you should make it a new master suite, if you don't already have one.

Answer 4

If you have the space, the time, the money and the know how then it's not liberal or conservative. It's simply your choice. Just ignore your FIL and start working on the room.

Answer 5

Don't worry about this; those of us who are liberal in our thinking never do.

What you and your husband are planning to do indicates that you both are caring and compassionate adults who value your family greatly. What anyone else thinks or says should just be acknowledged (they are family, after all) and then ignored.

Put your time and effort into continuing to create the home you and your husband want. You both should be receiving praise and support; accept it when it arrives!

Answer 6

Regardless of any other details, the Bible states that a man should leave his parents and his wife will follow suit, leaving her parents to cleave to her husband.

Basically, what that means is that you and your hubby are in agreement and that is what matters. Your in-laws don't have to agree with you, but they should respect your decision. If they don't like it, tough!

Answer 7

Your FIL's comment doesn't make much sense to me. However, why one room for kids that far apart in age and of different sex? Shouldn't you give each of them their own?

Answer 8

I don't think so.