Should i break up with him?

Question

I have a boyfriend of 2 years. He broke up with me last summer, after he cheated on me,to date the girl he cheated on me with. We ended up getting back together about 3 months later. He has always been a little controlling and a little jelouse, but now it seems it gets worse and WORSE! He calls me names, he ALWAYS thinks im lieing or hiding something. And i cant get him to trust me. I dont think its fair being that he was the one that cheated. We always argue of stupid things. But then again i love him with all my heart, and it just seems like he is the one im suppost to be with. and i know if i leave him and he goes to date someone else i will want him back. When we arnt arguing things are great, but when we do argue it just hurts so bad. I just want him to respect me, and trust me. i dont want to make a wrong move and leave him when maybe he can change, but then again i dont want to say with him and it get worse!!! HELP, i really need some advise!!! THANK YOU!

Answer 1

Dear, being in love and being happy are often two different things, as you have seen from this relationship.

You derserve to find a man who both makes you go ga-ga and makes you happy. It's much easier to find such a man when you are single, happy, content with your life and free.

In short: break it off.

Answer 2

The choice is ultimately yours. But it sounds like he's actually afraid that you'll retaliate for his cheating. So he's maybe a little paranoid.

You need to really think about if it is him that you love, or the memories of him, and being with a guy that you don't want to give up. It's often hard for someone to end a relationship because they're afraid of the alternative of being alone. Not to fear, being single isn't going to be forever. You'll be able to find someone new in time.

Waiting around for someone to change is a no-no.
1. What guarantees do you have that that person will change? None, and even if they do change, it could get worse.
2. You're wasting your time and youth just waiting around. It's simply not worth it.

If he's not ready, go for someone else. If it was really meant to be, he'll change and so will you and God will bring you two together at the right time. If it wasn't meant to be, you'll waste a lot of time and heart ache fighting the inevitable.

Answer 3

This sounds like a problem many people have in relationships. One person cheated, the other took him/her back and it's just not the same anymore. Anytime a person cheats on another, it's going to cause huge controversy and really hinder a relationship from ever being what it was or could be. It sounds to me like the guy is a bit insecure with himself and he himself has trust issues. I think he tries to attribute his insecurities to the fact that YOU are the one "lying" and he says he doesn't trust you b/c he wants to have that "out" in the relationship should he want to go elsewhere. I am not trying to tell you what to do, but from experience and seeing friends, it's so tough to make relationships work after somebody cheats. In the back of your mind, you will always remember; you can forgive but I doubt you have forgotten. Of course you're going to have great feelings for this person b/c you've had some great times, but are the great times worth all of the struggles? In the end, it is your choice, but it is almost guaranteed that it will be a rollercoaster ride...

Answer 4

You love him with all your heart. What does this mean? That you'd do anything to keep him (including putting up with his accusations and name calling an infidelities.) You'd never cheat on him. You respect him and trust him (though, I really don't see why).
Okay, but what about him?
Sounds like he doesn't love you. Honestly, it sounds like he doesn't even like you.
So why in the world do you think he's the one for you?
You need to get rid of this guy and get out there and look for someone new.
I know it will be hard, I've been there. But trust me, being in a realtionship like this isn't worth it. Would you rather feel like this for the rest of your life with him, or be sad for a while until you get over it and find someone who'll love you back?
Think about it.

Answer 5

I'm in the same boat as you. It's hard. The only thing is, my bf hasn't cheated on me; he has broken up with me, called me names, etc, but always apologized afterwards (but it's always happened again). He gets in these moods where he doesn't trust me at all, and he's controlling and very jealous. He wasn't always this way, as I'm sure yours wasn't either. I do love him with all my heart, but I know I deseve better treatment, and so do you. It's hard to picture them with someone else, and it's hard to break up, but I know it has to be done. I broke up with my bf last Friday, but he was crying and begging me not to leave him... He promised not to do those things anymore, and he hasn't yet. I think I put the fear in him...I don't know if it'd be the same with your bf? We argue, too (and that's mainly when he says the mean things), but we haven't ever broken up for more than 10 minutes. Try to move on, because, believe me, it will only get worse. You deserve better...there's someone out there that will love & respect you and treat you like you should be treated.

Answer 6

OK, I know this from experience, if he is constantly accusing you of cheating it is because he is cheating. I wish I had learned how these kind of guys are before I got married and had two kids that he never sees or pays for, so please listen to someone who learned the hard way...he is trouble and you are wasting your time with him. Men that are all of a sudden mean and accusing are trying to deflect the guilt they feel for the things they are doing. There are soo many men out there, and YOU deserve better, it hurts to break up, but that fades away, and then you will be free and open for the perfect one. Cause this guy is NOT!

Answer 7

I think you should BREAK UP WITH HIM PRONTO!!! You deserve better than that girl! First of all a guy who is controlling is a no no. If he really loved you he wouldn't call you names and not trust you. A relationship is all about trust. Obviously, he deserves someone who's gonna take that from him and that some one should not be you!
ps: After all what do I know I'm only 16!

Answer 8

In my opinion you should break it off! I know your not going to, but I think you should. He cheated on you and now you are being punished as if you cheated. Doesn't sound like there is much trust here. Plus, he is mentally abusive. To me, it doesn't sound like there is much to go on besides your belief that he may change. I guess I'll answer your question with a question. How much of your life do you want to waste, waiting on this guy to 'possibly' change? I hope your answer is not much longer!!

Answer 9

What you just described was me 15 years ago. I was in the exact situation. Luckily I found the strength to get away from my boyfriend because it was taking too much of an emotional and physical toll on me. Looking back now I know that relationship was not healthy. And listening to you describe your current relationship I know for a fact that you two DO NOT belong together. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. Get away and stay away from him. He WILL cheat on you again. Believe me.

Answer 10

Hi, I am in a relationship just like yours. I am in your boyfriends shoes. I love my gilfriend a lot. It seems my GF is in your shoes she tells me she loves me a lot, but ive been very controling and manipulating certain things in the past. Right now im doing everything i can to change my behavior because she is tired of it. I love her a lot so im doing everything i can, im even taking counceling to figure out why i get the way i get. i want to trust her and sometime i think she is cheating on me and other stuff, but she is not. I know how you feel i feel the same way. I just dont want to loose her. Its been really hard for me to change. right now we came up with the decission that is best for us to give eachother space so we can fix our lives (insecurities and other things that we are carying from the past) but is really hard for me to give her space, because i start missing her too much. I wish you good luck. just have patience with him.