I've been really insecure about my relationship with my b-friend of 4 yrs for a while now. He seems emotionally disconnected from me and the only day we can hang out if work doesn't come up is on Saturday (Sun-Fri off limits)
I tried talking to him and let him know we need to find a way to spend more time together (not 24/7, but you know) He said I need to understand that he is really in love with me, but that his job is his priority right now.........so I broke up with him.
Was I really being selfish, like he said, for not accepting that? Or am I right to believe that if someone REALLY loves you they will find the time?
2007-03-26 09:40:41 · 10 answers · asked by ebony r 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Seems like your man wants to make his career numero uno. There is nothing wrong with that. He may love you and probably still does, but he's trying to get his ducks in a row by making sure his life is secure finacially.
There is nothing wrong with you breaking up him either since you are wanting something he cant offer right now. Time to move on and think of your life since it wasnt really part of his.
Remember, it would be his loss if you were the perfect woman, but putting work before a relationship is choice he made.
2007-03-26 10:40:03 · answer #1 · answered by idesign74 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're both right in a way.
If someone is dedicated to you, they create boundaries around your relationship to protect it-- for instance, I am a Realtor, and if I didn't have a schedule that I followed I could probably work 24/7-- which would clearly be very alienating to my friends and significant other; however when I became a Realtor my schedule changed and that was a huge and difficult transition. My SO did at some point have to accept that the terms of my availability had changed-- but I understood that it was a choice he had to make....so if he had left it would have been because our relationship under it's new terms no longer worked for him. Which means I would have had to then decide if my job was really worth loosing my guy over.
B-T-W the "boundaries" around my relationship were NOT dictated solely by me... it was something we figured out together-- and I know it's why we're still together...
Good luck!
2007-03-26 16:54:17 · answer #2 · answered by luchadore 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you were right. He could have at least SAID he would rather be with you than work. It's most definitely his fault the relationship didn't work out. He needs to get his priorities straight before any woman will put up with him. From my experience, if a guy is that much into his job, it's not going to change. He's always going to put work before you. At least you realized that before you started a family.
2007-03-26 16:50:46 · answer #3 · answered by M.P.H. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe that you've had a FOUR YEAR relationship with this guy!
He wasn't interested in anything to do with you except what you undoubtedly provide him with on Saturdays!
Being in love means wanting to spend every single waking minute with each other - and finding a way to make it happen as much as possible!
Good for you - find a real man who wants to lavish you with the most treasured thing - his TIME!
I wish you well!
2007-03-26 16:47:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is not necessarily selfish. If he is not fullfilling your needs right now then it was right to let him know that. Maybe right now is not the right time for him to be in a relationship anyway if he wants to focus on his work. It is your choice on whether you are going to wait it out until he can focus more on your relationship or if you need to just move on and find what you need right now.
2007-03-26 16:48:07 · answer #5 · answered by lizzee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. As long as you're with him you will always feel second best and your self-esteem will suffer for it. You're not being selfish. You're being practical and realistic. Don't doubt you made the right decision.
2007-03-26 16:45:22 · answer #6 · answered by Kimmy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i would feel a similar way, that if my boyfriend loved me he would find time... but in this situation nobodys wrong you just want someone who will spend more time with you and there is nothing wrong with that....
2007-03-26 16:45:17 · answer #7 · answered by Parachutes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he isn`t trying to find the time to spend with you then he really wasn`t worth it. So what u did was fine, actually that is what i would have done.
2007-03-26 16:45:05 · answer #8 · answered by I hate pink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you think that if there were something for you to be insecure about, you would have seen it in the four years you were with him?
2007-03-26 16:58:38 · answer #9 · answered by Usman Haque 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WAIT A WHILE
2007-03-26 16:43:59 · answer #10 · answered by KING 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋