Help! Who should I call?

Question

A lightbulb in my house has gone and I'm too lazy to fix it. I looked in the Yellow Pages and found a number of light bulb changing agencies. There's:

A Christian one, a Muslim one, a Jewish one, an Atheist one, an Agnostic one, a Hindu one, a Pagan one, a Creationist one, one staffed entirely by clones of Jesus, another staffed by common ancestors between apes and humans, another by Greek gods and another by R&S regulars.

Which should I call? How many people should I expect from that agency?

Most entertaining answer wins!

Answer 1

christians: will pray for the bulb to miraculously work again
muslims: will behead you for bothering them during praying time.
Jewish: will sell you a solid gold bulb.
atheists: will deny you exist, that light bulbs exist, and sarcastically remark that electromagnetism is just a theory.
hindu: will set up a quicky mart in your home. strange but not unpleasant smells will emanate from your kitchen.
pagan: will draw strange symbols everywhere. nothing happens.
creationists: will prove god wants it to be dark with lots of vague internet sites and circular reasoning.
clones: will try to provide the miracle of light bulb resurrection, fail, eventually get sent to a psychiatric hospital to cure them of their jesus delusion and lead productive lives in the porn industry.
common ancestors: will smash your house with their primitive clubs and fling some poop at you.
greek gods: will throw a rough party at your home eventually leveling the entire block. Then they'll retreat to olympia to sleep off their hangover.
R&S regulars: will argue for hours but nothing will happen.

Answer 2

A Christian one will pray to God that the light bulb be revived.

A Muslim will say that it is God's Will that the bulb is out and leave.

A Jewish one will change the light bulb in 2 minutes, charge you $1.00 for parts and $200 for labor.

An Atheist will deny the existence of the light bulb and say the light was never there, that it was all in your head the whole time.

An Agnostic will wonder whether or not the bulb is really there and give up trying to prove it either way.

A Hindu will start praying to one of his millions of Gods to give him the assistance he needs to help change the bulb and will get so lost in prayer you could have finished cooking and eating dinner before he even looks at the bulb.

A Creationist will wait for God to make a new bulb from the parts of the old one.

The Jesus clones will just change the broken bulb into water, then to wine, then get drunk and forget about the problem.

The ancestor will touch the bulb, then shy away about 50 times before realizing the bulb can't hurt him, then scream in shock when the new one lights up.

The Greek Gods will just send down a hoard of demi-gods to fix the problem.

The R&S Regulars would get too caught up in arguing with each other to fix the problem.

Answer 3

For now, I could ought to say no. Blown calls will regularly be a aspect of the sport........the vast majority of clown calls truthfully are not that unhealthy, seeing that the umpire has to make the decision rapidly. There are just a couple in a given yr wherein it is very noticeable to the bare eye. Over a 162 sport season, the calls wil leven out, like Eric stated. However, I do consider replay will have to be used within the playoffs on whatever however balls and moves. That's certainly a time while nobody desires to win/lose a sport for the reason that of a choice.

Answer 4

( I think Councilman MAverick has the best answer so far)

OKAY, theres what u have to do. I was in EXACLTY the same situation a few days ago, so u ca ntrust me:

1) smash the rest of the bulbs in ur house with the end of a broom stick

2) call up each of the bulb changing agencies, one agency for each light bulb. (if there arnt enough light bulbs in ur house, one for each agency, then ull have to call the agencies alphabetically)

3) wait for the ppl from each agency to come. allocate them a light bulb to change.

4) Wait for them to change the light bulb.

5) Make them pose in a small group next to the lit light bulb and take a photo. (make sure to recod wich photo is which agency)

6) analyse ur photos and come to a conclusion.

My conclusion:
I dont have one

Cos in the end, i had a lit house, but i had to decide which Get The Last Few Hours OF Your Life Back agency to call.....there r just soooo many to choose from.

Answer 5

whatever you do, don't call on R&S regulars. We will start arguing about the wattage, the color, if it is a lightbulb at all, Edison, gravity, photosensitivity, and then we will all report each other, and you won't get anything done. I'd go for the Greek Gods, they are better looking at any rate.

Answer 6

Call the atheist. If it doesn't work even after changing the light bulb, he or she will have the intelligence, common sense, and curiosity to figure it out and get it working. I realize this isn't funny, but it is the truth...

Answer 7

Don't call the Literalist Christians, they will deny that electricity exists because it isn't written in the Bible. They will then bill you for 10% of your pay, ongoing and damn you to hell for your unfaithful belief in electricity, and the Light bulb idol you worship.

Answer 8

Mental Health

Answer 9

If you call an agnostic one, they will stare at the light for several hours deciding whether or not it needs fixing...maybe it is broken....maybe it is not broken....we may never know the answer...

Answer 10

Whatever you do, don't call the Christian one.

They'll just tell you that you're taking your light bulb "out of context" and that it's really working.

Then they'll take 10% of your money.