How to have silence in black and white with my parents? (quietly express?)?

Question

situation.(-<-) peace.

my parents dont understand that my grades and everything are dropping cuz i get kind of sad of society, and all the pressure of gettn good grades

they wont give me money or let me get a job.
they just want me to stay home and study. then they complain..(curse, illegimate nonsense)

they may be doctors but they barely spend money not even on simple shoes or even a simple t. and then complain why i cant be friends with chidren of their friends who just happen to have spending parents and end up prep/punk but well dressed.

* how do i get my parents to leave me to express and let me express myself. its too late to change. and $ doesnt buy :)'s!

the kids i hang out with are scene kids and my parents think thats weird but they are the kids now adays i can relate to and have similar problems at home and outside.
I love them, but my parents only think preps are the smart ones..

money isnt all that..unless a little is used.
people who abuse it arent everyone.

they are decent people though...

Answer 1

I am a parent I can understand where you are coming from. I have seen where parents are really not interested in what their children concerns and what isn important to them doesn't matter because the parents are still stuck on High Scoiety and are in competition with other parents. "My child does this and that"! "My child is going to BLAH BLAH BLAH University"! But they have never took time out in their important schedule to sit down and try to relate to you and how you feel and your opinions. Some parents are so tangled up in their own world and image, they end up using their children as Pawns like a chess game. It doesn't matter if they are doctors or grocery store managers. They apparently forget where they come from and they forget that they were once own their own and has to be responsible for their own actions and make thier own decisions. It is true that any parent who is in their right state of mind, wants what is best for their child, but some parents get lost in the struggle of raising children for theirselves and raising children for society/ A.K.A.. THE REAL WORLD!!!! You have to find yourself/ only you because you may be interested in one thing at the moment but then later you may change your mind. While you are young, you have some space to do that. You can use some of your parents advice in alot of different situations. But parents make mistakes as well. I believe in diversity and when I was younger, I made "So Called" right choices, but they ended up being wrong. Not Dramatically wrong but if I didn't take bits and pieces of what my parents were telling me.... I know for fact I would have ended up in Prison!!!! God sends you sighns as well, don't over look them. Be patient and talk to your parent's about respect. Ask them do they talk to their friends the way they talk to you. Rather they know it or not, they are cursing themselves with ignorance and they will have to answer to God for that. I have a 15 year old child that has been through their moments and I have been through mine as well. And when it is time for him to veture off, he will have to take what I taught him and use it inorder to survive in the cruel world. It is going to be o.k. Hang in there, pray and try to stay positive. As you get older, alot of things you will live to look back on and see that some.....only some of the things they said were right. Because we as parents makes mistakes to. We are human. Open your communications lines with them and see if you can wqork had to show them that you ARE RESPONSIBLE. Grades are important, but I have seen 1st hand that when children are placed under pressure all the time, it will backfire and the parents still won't see what they have done wrong. Grades will not be perfect all the time, unless your parents have went into your brain and wired it to perfection. And we both know that is not true. If you cry, cry your eyes and pray, pray for strength and pray for your parents as well.

Answer 2

Depends the folks. Most well dad and mom wont even ought to coach whatever. Children arent born racist, so that they wont have any issues being peers with kids of different races. They ordinarily gain knowledge of approximately slavery and one of the most horrible matters that occurred in college. Although let's imagine a mother or father who's within the KKK, good they perhaps instructing their kids some thing else.

Answer 3

work hard and get better grades and they will stop bugging you. parents are parents for a reason and their job is help you grow up into a smart, well-rounded person, sometimes you won't like what they say, so tell them how you feel about it, good parents will listen

Answer 4

Your parents meant well and they wanted to protect you. Talk to them and let them know how you feel.

Answer 5

Thanks, first of all, for such a good question: you packed a lot into it.

How to have silence with your parents? The truth, as much as everyone hates to admit it, is that families are NOT democracies. Quite simply, you are only going to get as much silence and/or peace as your parents wish you to have.
Also, don't be so quick to equate silence with peace. Just because people are silent does not mean that they are not angry or hurt and merely waiting for the next justification to let the offending person "have it". However, the best you can hope for, as much as anyone your age might not want to hear, is compromise. You may need to pick and choose the most important elements of your life for now and hold on to them, while letting less important things be put away...just enough that your parents feel as if they still have any meaningful impact on your life. Give them some of what they want, particularly when the issue doesn't really have any value to you. In other words, pick and choose your fights more carefully. Don't fight over every little issue. Also, though everyone still pretends that honesty is such a virtue, the fact is the world would end right now were it not for all the lies that sustain it. If your parents want you to dress prep, but that fashion makes you want to vomit...then give them what they want...at least until you are far enough away from home to dress the way you desire. You are in the role of a secret agent. As long as your true identity remains mostly hidden, you will "fly under the radar" of their criticism. Carry all your cool clothes and what not, hidden in your bag or whatever... there are plenty of public restrooms in which to change once you are out of their sight. But remember, the big rule of peacemaking: never do anything that is so criminal or dangerous that your parents will have to bail you out. Be careful. Be smart. Survival in the modern world necessitates that deception be a virtue.

If your grades are dropping, that is another matter entirely. For whatever reason that you have neglected your studies, your parents, just as good parents, are duty-bound to go ballistic. Manage your studies, such that the courses you despise most never fall below a C...focus your energies on the courses that most interest you, bring those back up. That way whenever your parents gripe about the not so good grades, you can always point out all the improvement you're making in those courses to which you rededicated yourself. If you don't like any of your courses, then tough luck...pick something and bring the grades back up. Your grades put you in the driver seat when it comes to dealing with your parents.

As for money and work, while it is true that teens need to learn about earning and handling money, this can be a tricky situation for parents. After all, the quickest road to indepence is through acquiring income...it is also one of the quickest routes for teens to get themselves in trouble when the money makes their lives imbalanced. Have you offered them work at home? Will they pay you for chores around the home, such as yard work, housecleaning, etc.? And remember, if they buy this idea, then you had really better do the best job a human being could do...otherwise, you'll only be confirming their suspicion that you are lazy and then they'll crack down on you again. If, on the other hand, they won't pay you for work at home and they won't budge on even the smallest part part-time job...then you're going to have to figure out how to get around that. For example, that extra time you officially are spending at the library may actually find you unofficially putting in a few hours at the local burgerstand. However, remember what I've already said: your grades give you the power...as you get your grades up, you may find they get at least a little more flexible.

The reason your parents, by your estimate, are cheap compared to the parents of the kids with whom they want you to associate is because they want you to value what you get. Those kids who get everything they want are nothing more than vile parasites, soulless drones, and slaves driven by advertising to shop, shop, shop. They don't value what they get. They are easily bored. And, they, their parents, and the economy that grows fat off of such mindless consumption are the number one cause for almost all of what is going wrong in this world and that will ultimately be the downfall of the human species. If you don't want to be friends with them, good for you! On the other hand, don't be jealous just because their idiot nazi parents blow wads of cash on them.

How do you get your parents to give you a break about expressing yourself? Like I said, families are NOT democracies. Your parents, like most parents, have no interest in supporting your self-expression, particularly when it a. disagrees with what they want to hear from you and b. doesn't get them what they want from you i.e. better grades. If you want to express yourself, then you would be smart to find covert ways at home to do it...such that you see the symbols of your defiance even if they don't recognize them as such... and/or to save your "real self" for expression out in the world when you are not home. Not certain as to your age, but even if you were only fourteen...that means 18 is only four years away... it may be seem a long time... but it isn't. Keep yourself busy and the time will pass quite quickly...then once you're 18, pack your stuff and leave. Despite what you may have heard, you actually don't have a single right as a person until you are 18...at which point, if you want to be you rather than who your parents want you to be, then leave home, get a job, live, and be well.

As to who you associate with and your parents' dislike of them: pick and choose which of the rebels with whom you hang. Some of the kids you associate with probably are truly troubled and will most likely wind up in jail or other trouble for the rest of their lives. Some of them, however, are truly gifted like you and are merely resistant to be molded into a brainless clone such as your parents might like. Avoid the troubled ones, stick with the gifted ones...they will find clever ways to resist "assimilation" and will probably go quite far in life. However, again, deception is the true virtue of the world: cultivate a few shallow acquaintances among the preps just to make your parents happy...your real friends need only be known by you.

As to your comment that "money isn't all that...", I would be curious to know your opinion of money after the first week that are outdoors after the landlord gets tired of waiting for the rent, or after the first few choice meals you eat when you've been reduced to dumpster-diving. Don't be so idealistic that it makes you simple-minded. People without money aren't even treated as human beings in this country; they have no voice and almost no rights. You need to make enough money in your life to keep "the Man" off your back, whether "the Man" is the electric company, the grocery store, the landlord, or whatever. After that, it's up to you how much money you make and how much you save.

As to your final comment that your parents are decent people, haven't you realized yet that that is precisely the problem? Decency is only whatever people define it as. Throughout history, decent people have owned slaves, exterminated First Nations peoples, voted Hitler into office, etc. Look at all the decent people you know now, many of whom still believe that Bush was and is the right person for President. What makes a person decent as defined by the society within which they exist? The ability to conform and submit to whatever that society demands of them. Decency then becomes a virtue fit only for sheep.