Why is my step mom horrible to me?

Question

My step mom has basically ruined my life. my family is screwed up and were dysfunctional we get in fights all the time. recently shes made a new rule that we can only come over to OUR DADS house on certain days it just bull. and i have tried to talk to my dad about it but he will not listen he just gets mad at me and says he will always stick up for her even if shes wrong, he also says that she has always done stuff for me.all she cares about is her stupid kid. she always yells at me and cusses. but its not just her my mom is feaking insane i told her i didnt like my school she asked me if i had problems and she completely had a nervous breakdon and she kicked me out of the car. please someone tell me waht to do im so depressed im only 13 and i hate my life.

Answer 1

Honey, you have it bad. Your step-mother is jealous and is trying to keep you from your father. Apparently this is working since he is standing by her.

I don't know what to say about your mother. It sounds as if she is having a rough time dealing with things too. It is too bad that you don't have one stable adult influence in your life. I know you are depressed; you have reason to be. Would your mother let you talk to a counselor or therapist so that you would have someone to vent with?

I wish I could help you some, but I am sure I am too far away.

Answer 2

If you're being contrary and creating disruptive negativity, I can see why your SM would want to establish certain days for you to visit on. It enables her to maintain her equilibrium in HER home. Your dad is right for supporting her and presenting a unified front. She is his WIFE and will be with him even after you are grown. This is how it should be unless she is abusive or neglectful of your needs.

Be aware, you are 13 so you are going through puberty and having rollercoaster hormones. This is causing you to feel the way you do. I remember being 13 and I was a holy terror to my mom. I thought she was the most unreasonable nut case and that she hated me. I didn't think she understood ANYTHING. Now I'm a mom with a 10 yr old daughter and 12 yr old stepson and I now realize that while my parents may actually be a little crazy like I thought, they DON'T hate me and they DO understand. Give your parent's a break, they really do love you, but they may be having a hard time relating to you while your hormones and emotions are in a constant upheaval from one minute to the next.

Answer 3

Awe honey, I don't want you to be sad. My parents divorced when I was 7 years old, and my step-mom was seriously the worst person in the world. Its seems like your dad knows what she is doing is wrong because he tells you he'll stick up for her even if she's wrong. That says a lot right there. I had similar problems with my step-mom..she'd make up stuff that happened and tell my dad. When I tried to say I didn't do it he'd say I was lying and then punished me. OMG, it was so awful. I really stopped going over to his house for a long time. I know the answer is not to stay away because it really doesn't solve anything but maybe you're dad will finally realize how hurt you are by your step-mom's actions. Things will get better, I promise you. Funny thing..my dad divorced my step-mom about 8 years ago. I'm 28 now, and I go over to her house a lot to hang out. Its kinda crazy that I used to hate her, and now I get along with her. Hang in there honey! It will get better.

Answer 4

Life is full of nothing but unfairness in the eyes of kids. Are there things that you're doing which are causing problems with your step mom? things such as talking back and being disrepectful to your parents? try changing the way you interact with your parents and see if your step mother's attitude towards you wont change. Start helping out around the house more often. Do your chores without being asked to do so. Do your homework and study hard in school. Stop hanging out with the wrong crowd if you are. And stop engaging in negative behaviors if you are(smoking, drinking). And become a model son/brother/step son. You'll be surprised as to how much better your family will treats you.

Answer 5

Wow, sounds like you have alot on your plate! Sorry to hear about this situation you are in. When I was about your age I felt depressed about family life as well... to cope with it all I decided to join my local church and find my own peace and happiness within! Life gets hectic and people will always let you down...we are all human!!! Take the high road and and bring peace to your life and situation. When you find inner peace the problems of the world will fade away! Take care and God Bless! Things will get better, just whatever you do...think about the consequences and/or benefits! My suggestion to you is to study hard and be involved with your school, added activities in your day will help to stay productive and in a positive state of mind!

Answer 6

If I were you I'd see a guidence counsler. They really help. Stay in school. Friends get you through EVERYTHING!!!! Listen to some music to calm down. Don't say anything you would regret to your step-mom. Also, maybe you could stay @ friends house on the weekend or join some extra curricular activites at school to save time from being home.

Answer 7

She does sound a little wacky. Here's what you do: concentrate as much as you can on the less dysfunctional, less wacky, more positive parts of your life. Do you have some trustworthy friends? Some interesting classes? Some individual talent, art, songwriting, acting, writing? Focus on that stuff. You will get through this.

Answer 8

Oh my freakin gosh.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!
calm down as much as u can.
im 13 and i had it but guess what shes gone now!
i ran her away. im not a bad kid but i hate step moms and dads. there act like there your parents and there not! N TO THE O! i hate them. im so sorry u have to go threw this. but if laura (my dads EX girlfriend) sed when i can come to my dads and only certain days i would of stepped up and told that stupid fat loser off, this kind of stuff makes me mad. your dad is getting caught all up in this trap, and u better get him out.
good luck kid!!! i use to get it worse, but dont be afraid to e-mail me fore advice! [e-mail].
........

Answer 9

First off this is way to big for a thriteen year old. Find a conselor or grandparent and explain that your not looking to get people in trouble or make someone the evil person; your just trying to fix the problems in your relationship. Explain what is happening in both residences and ask for their opinion on what they think you should do. It is always really hard to make the change from a nuclear family to a double parented household situation.

Do your best to show respect to your stepmother, because your dad must love her for some reason that you haven't seen yet. If she(stepmother) continues to berate you after you have tried to be respectful and DO AS SHE ASKS YOU TO, make it clear to your mom and dad that you won't visit him at his home and that a judge nor any other overseer of court ordered visitation will make you have extended visits with people who are deemed too emotionally unstable to take care of you.

Also something to consider is to look at it from her side. I am not sure how old your stepmothers child is, but you could be suffering from being a "first". First borners either in the nuclear family or in extended family tend to get the most oppressive rules placed on them, because the parents are unsure how to raise a pre-teen/teenager. Esp. in your dads case. Your dad is probably a wonderful person, but he also is the one that has to have authority over you from your stepmothers stance in the relationship, but dads tend to be a little ify with how to raise their daughters, because lets face it they can barely understand their wives motives in life, but then you add hormones and there are all kinds of issues.

Your mom sounds really depressed and you need to try to talk to her. It sounds like the divorce was really hard on your mom, and you just need to try to make sure you show her that you care. I know losing your rep as a pre-teen is horrible, but it will help her get back on track if she knows your behind her in her choices even if they don't always make sense to you.

Really find someone who you feel comfortable talking to and just try to be really supportive of both your parents decisions even if you don't agree with them. You might find that your parents are better apart then they are together. The hard part is that they have left you to bridge the gap and the extra person that will hear you is really important to deal with your feelings.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

Oh my god... you're Cinderella aren't you? Anyway, you should read this book called "I HAVE AN EVIL STEP MOTHER NOW WHERE IS MY PRINCE?" It's a modern Cinderella story, but after a long time, the main character yelled at her father because he was so kind to her stepmother and he left her with her because he needs to do 'work'. So anyway, at the end, the main character found out that her stepmother was just trying to bond with her- in a bad way and that her stepmother's children put on a 'goody goody' act when their mother is around so yeah... YOU have to do things to please your stepmother... and then try talking to her- see how SHE feels.