After taking a few months outta studies coz of personal reasons i wanted to get a job in a pub or club because I used to work in a pub and loved it.
However, my boyfriend said that he didnt want me to get a job in a club because he was worried about me coming out at 2am and something happening to me. He was really insistant, although he knew how much I wanted to get a job cause i wanted to meet people.
And so a couple of months on, I have an interview at a rock venue that has live bands!!! Im so excited (hello dream job for a rock chick!!!) and i get to meet like minded ppl! But he has gone really mad over it... says i am only thinking of himself and if a band goes on till 2am or later that he will have to wait up for me to come in and thats not fair on him because he gets up at 6am for work!!
I am sure he trusts me but he really really thinks i am being unfair.
I have asked him to please trust me.. id never walk around at 4am alone!!
Please Help!!! :O)
2007-03-26 09:23:35 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Trust you he may but that doesn't stop him from feeling threatened in many ways................okay, so something could happen to you one night but something could happen to you one day too......
People aren't always attacked/murdered/raped or whatever only in the night time hours..
those unfortunate things don't just happen to young people either or to just females, so that reason is unreasonable.............
I honestly think he's feeling threatened by whom you may meet or even be talking to........it's a natural feeling because he's worried that somehow he may lose you to another, but you cannot hold off your life because of others concerns.....I know this sounds hard of me but you must do what you must do.....heck it's not like you're being un-faithful, you're taking a job for gods sake, a job you've only dreamt of before............
He has no right to make you choose & no right to make you feel guilty either, he'll get used to it soon enough. Trust me honey, if it were him being offered the job of a lifetime he'd go for it.
One bit of good advice I got time & time again yet somehow never listened to until about 10 years ago was......start as you mean to go on...............if you give in to him now, you'll be giving in for the rest of your life & you'll resent him forever & even worse you'll hate yourself for letting you down.
You go out there & make yourself proud of you
I say GO FOR IT!
good luck babe ♥
2007-03-26 11:31:44 · answer #1 · answered by Funky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure the club has a bouncer...and I know many of the bouncers escort the employees to their cars after hours. Make sure this is a policy at this club, and if it is, introduce your boyfriend to the bouncer so he knows you're in good hands. He's just worried, and it really is a legitimate concern. You say you'd never walk around at 4am alone, so clue your bf in to your plans to stay safe.
Also consider, what's going to last longer; the job or the bf? If you guys are headed for marriage, but there's no room for advancement (like, to normal hours) at this club, perhaps it's not worth it. On the other hand, if the relationship is not headed in a "permanent" direction, but the job could lead to a career in your field, then perhaps you need to make the decision based on that. Bottom line, you guys need to talk.
2007-03-26 09:32:59 · answer #2 · answered by oj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really want this job....then take it...however know the risks, know that by doing so it risks loosing the boyfriend. If he is worth the risk than do it, if not then don't, but also by not taking the job he must know the risk of you resenting him for that. Maybe as a compromise you could introduce him to a few people that you would work with and come to the agreement that you will walk to your car with one of them so he can sleep soundly knowing your safe. Hard situation, I don't think your being selfish, and I don't think your being unfair. I think its a situation that is either going to work or not depending on the risks both of you are willing to take. Let it be known the same questions could apply to him being selfish and unfair to you. So its not a fact of blame but a fact of compromise.
2007-03-26 09:31:51 · answer #3 · answered by 20+ years and still in-love! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's forcing you to choose between him and the job and I get the feeling the job is winning at the moment.
He has a point, it is dangerous working in clubs where there are drunk people hanging around outside late at night.
You're a big girl, it's your choice. It will be too late to change your mind if you get attacked one night. There are plenty of other jobs where you can meet people at reasonable hours with no alcohol involved.
2007-03-26 09:29:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well how long have you two been together? If he loves you, then he would stand by you and support what you want as your career. Yes 2-4am is late but he has to understand its something you love. He gets up at 6am so what if you said to him to stop going to wrok so early, would he? Hell no. Do whats best for you and your career. Just say to him you will try this for three months and see how it goes and if you really love it stick to it and if not try something else.
You go for it and enjoy it. He does worry like any b/f but he has to understand people are differnet.
Good luck
2007-03-26 09:58:52 · answer #5 · answered by Pinkflower 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think your being selfish, that would be sitting on your **** at home and expecting him to support you, however I do think that you need to sit down and have a talk with him on your safety of geting home from the club. I know i work in a pub with a 2 o clock liscence and the owner pays for those without a car of lift to get a taxi at the end of the night. suggest to him that you would do that and maybe he may feel better about you having the job!
2007-03-26 09:30:17 · answer #6 · answered by Jo. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think he is really unsupportive of you.
when i got a job in a pub last week my fella was happy for me as i have been trying for ages to get a job that i like to do.
he knows that some nights i will be getting back really late but he doesnt mind. he is just happy that i am gonna be doing a job i love.
your fella sounds the selfish one. if the club is a decent club they will order a taxi home for you anyway whatever time you finish.
i think he is the one who need to get a grip. why isnt he supporting you with this? a good boyfriend would even if he was worried about you. he would want you to be happy whatever you do for a job.
maybe you 2 should re-evaluate your relationship.
2007-03-26 09:31:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he's worried you'll meet somone else and possibly leave him. If he was gonna be waiting up for you anyway he could've offered to come get you from work if that was the real problem. Don't think you're being selfish at all for wanting your dream job. Just make sure you're careful if you do get it and have to leave at 2 ish
2007-03-26 09:29:37 · answer #8 · answered by fluffypurplelilac 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know he says he trust you, but i bet he is jealous that you might find someone else or be flirted with. I think he probably does worry about you being out late but everyone has to take some sort of risks.If your around people and not alone in a dark alley you'l be fine and he needs to realise that.
2007-03-30 01:21:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does this club make arrangements for getting the staff home? Some do, by taxi mini coach or something, particularly for female staff.
If they don't then your bf is right, you would have a battle for taxis each night with all the punters. If you have your own transport that isn't so bad, provided you don't have to go far from the club or go into a dark car park.
In short, prove to him that proper arrangements for your safety are in place.
2007-03-26 09:31:20 · answer #10 · answered by Bob M 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋