Discipline problems?

Question

My husband and I have 2 kids, a boy & a girl, ages 6 & 4. We aren't on the same page about disciplining. My husband was in the army so he's very tough with the kids and believes in yelling, spanking etc. I am a total softie and the kids walk all over me. I'm scared to punish them, I feel bad!
What can I do, I don't feel right about punishing.

Answer 1

You and your husband need to work together to determine how your children will be disciplined. Currently, it sounds like you are all over the place. The same behavior would net entirely different results depending on what parent is around at the time. Kids need consistency in order to learn what behaviors are accepted and what behaviors are not. If just talking it over with your husband does not help--perhaps you could look at jointly enrolling in child rearing classes. Good luck!

Answer 2

Kids need to have limits set for them. They will encounter limits throughout life (bosses, laws, etc). By not setting limits and consequences for breaking them, you are setting your children up for failure in society.

Whether you choose not spank or not is a personal choice. When I'm referring to spanking, I'm talking about swatting on the bottom with an open hand and not with great force. There is a difference between spanking and child abuse. However, not everyone is comfortable with physical violence and it is better to try other methods of discipline instead. Try taking a parenting class at the local Y or a church. You can also check out some parenting books about discipline from the library.

As for your husband, he needs to stop hitting and yelling all the time. Spanking should be a last resort. Yelling is unacceptable. It's damaging to children. All he is doing is showing that he cannot control his reactions. He needs to count to 50 before he metes out punishment. It will calm him down to a reasonable level.

Answer 3

You have to be tough with your kids, but not yelling and/or by spanking or promoting violence. Instead, if the children do something bad be CONSISTENT in your punishments with BOTH parents. Take them to a boring and usual time out spot for a set amount of time, if they sneak or run out of it, pick them up and put them back-- if they yell scream or kick, simply hold them there. Put a timer in the timeout and set it at x minutes according to their x age. i.e 5 years old gets five minutes. When the timer goes off they are allowed out, teach them that and they should learn to cope very well. You especially can't punish them and then go back on what you have said, this teaches them that they can get away with things, push the limits and then just wail their lungs out and mommy will rush and forgive them-- They need rules, and consistent discipline. My sister is a psycologist and these are the things shes taught me. If you have any other questions e-mail me or y message me =)

Answer 4

Your children "need" to have discipline. If there is no discipline your children are not only going to walk all over you but everyone else around them. Most kids that aren't disciplined are brats! You don't have to yell and spank them. There are other ways to discipline, but every kid is different and responds better to certain discipline. So what works for 1 kid may not work for the other. Remember you are their mother and you should be respected. Just be sure to keep everything consistent so that the rules are clear and not confusing.

Answer 5

Restrict what they can do unless its something physical for exercise purposes, educational, or something valued positively in today's American society. If they whine, I would raise my voice instead of yell, and if they intentionally hurt you, weather verbally or physically, stand up for yourself, but in an appropriate manner where you don't hurt them back. Have your kids do chores but not too much, they still need to learn how to be kids. If they do chores when asked, that can be a sign that they are disciplined. I would have your kids do sports, it can help with discipline and your kids will have higher chances of being popular. Later in life the social can effect discipline as well as their relationship with you. If they aren't discipline, things will just become harder and harder as they age. My science teacher Mr. Keating always tells us stuff like this. Discipline can benefit kids in school so they aren't lazy ( Mr. Keating ) and don't do their work, it can teach respect, it can help kids when no to get involved in innapropriate situations, and can help with self esteem. A lot of the teaching and life skills kinda like discipline should be taught at an early age so things go easier as life goes on and are more likely going to stick with them. Talk to your husband about how you feel and try to have the conversation stay mellow. Yelling and spanking with some children can just make things worst. It lowers self esteem, promotes violence, cause depression according to what extent, etc.

Answer 6

I have a similar problem. My husband and I both agree on time outs and spankings, just he tends to spank a it to much and a bit to hard. Suggest the time out method to your hubby. Supplement it for some of the spankings. Talking helps, but I once did a college report that sumed up that to much talking is just jibberish to children under the age of 15. Many articles instructed a first time warning, followed through with a time out, if it happened again. If the problem continues, this is where the spanking comes in. And most of all, be consistent! It is all about respect. You want you children to respect you not fear you, as if they are your army troops in fear of 100 laps around the courtyard.

Answer 7

You can be firm and get your point across with out yelling and hitting. What are you really teaching there? That your kids should be scared of Dad? Discipline them now, teach them now...it will be ALOT harder when they get older and have all those years of manipulating/walking all over you under their belt. You and Dad are the boss. End of story. Or, let them do whatever they want because you "feel bad"...and watch them grow up making bad choice after bad choice. Give your kids a chance in life.

Answer 8

I grew up in a house the very same way, pushover mom and yelling hitting dad. We grew up totally disrespecting our mother and being scared of our dad. There is a happy medium... don't feel bad. Just knwo that you are doing them a disservice by not disciplining them. You think it's bad now? Wait about 10 years and see how they treat you. You just need to pick a punishment and be consistent.

Answer 9

you should be despising them to if you don't them when there in trouble with the father then they know to can to you plus for actual disciplining you both have to be on the same page if not your kids know and they will go to the other parent to get out of trouble and if you don't punish them now how will you punish them when there 15-16 or 17 when the real fun begins??

Answer 10

you can punish them in a non physical way. Taking away privileges or computer and TV time usually works best. Or grounding them for an allotted amount of time. They need to know that they can not walk all over you so you need to stand up for yourself as a parent. You can leave the physical punishment to your husband and you can take the emotional route.