Would You Marry A Guy Who Confessed He Was A "Former" Homosexual?

Question

Okay ladies, give me your HONEST heartfelt opinion on this. You start dating a guy, he is wonderful, sensitive, good listener, solid career, spiritual etc. Then he drops the BOMB on you that he "used" to be gay but "changed" through the ex-gay movement.

Despite giving him points for his honesty (which some are not), would you STILL date/marry a guy who professes to be ex-gay? Would you always be kinda worried if when he is making love to you he is thinking of and is 100% attracted to your female body and not thinking of a man?

I find that when you ask people who actually believe that gay people can change their sexual orienation, whether they themselves would marry a "former" gay person, they get a little squeamish and backtrack especially considering what happened to pastor Taggert's wife, the governer of New Jersey's wife and thousands of women who discovered the hard way, sexual orienation cannot be erased just like that. What do you think?

The response looks overwhelmingly "Against" and very little "For".

Someone posted that the ex-gay movement has a very low success rate. I am researching this right now. If that is true, well, that changes a LOT of things.

Please no endless cut and pastes. I really don't mind long posts but over 10,000 words? C'mon!

It really looks like the vast majority of you do not trust that a person can change from gay to straight, even professed Christians. That is very interesting!

Answer 1

If you really loved him, you could take the big risk it would be. It would probably result in a poor sex life for both of you.
My personal advice would be not to do it.

Answer 2

I would be supportive and still date him. I mean, at least he told me! It would be totally different if someone else told me, or I found out by another way like catching him in the act. As long as he's not cheating, that's fine by me. If he said he's changed, I'm going to believe he's changed. Plus, the characteristics you mentioned are more important than what he prefers to do privately. I'm not squeamish at all by that. I don't think I would be too worried about what he thinks about my "female body" though. I mean, we're dating right? So I must be doing something right. lol! Overall I would still date him because love can survive a lot I think. Or I really hope so. By the way, that's an awesome question, star for you!

Answer 3

First of all I would be quite shocked and upset that the relationship had gone this far before he dropped the news.
After I recovered from that, I could forgive him for not dropping the ball sooner.

I would respect his honesty in telling me this, but I could not continue the relationship, for fear of getting hurt, if he should decide he wasn't straight, after all. I would always be uneasy.
I would hope that we could always be friends. He, being such a nice person should understand my feelings.

I am on the fence, as to,Can you change from gay to straight ?

I am happily married 54 years, but I know how fragile my heart is when its hurt, and with that knowledge, I could only be a good friend. My beautician is gay & a very nice man and good friend.
This answer is from my heart. Good luck on answers~~~~Jill

Answer 4

No, think about it like this, when you donate blood one of the questions is "have you ever had sex with a man or do are you a man who has sex with a man." The reason is because they are never allowed to donate blood. Think about that, would you want to exchange bodily fluids with them if they cannot even give blood, not to mention all the mental problems that will always be there. life is hard enough with a straight guy, why complicate matters with a man who cannot even deside his personal preference, he is a child. Get away as quick as you can. He needs to grow up. Tell him thank you for your honesty but I need something more in a relationship.

Answer 5

No - no no no!!! Ex-gay ministries DO NOT work! These people are deluding themselves! There are TONS of men at the bath houses who have the perfect little family with 2.5 kids waiting at home for them in the suburbs. What are they bringing home to their wives?!

I TOTALLY support gay people and gay rights, but these ex-gay ministries are a sham. We all need to be honest (with each other and ourselves). I would NEVER marry someone who thinks they have "changed" because of an ex-gay ministry. Now, if someone realized or admitted they were bisexual, I might believe it. But men have a very strong sex drive and I personally would never be able to trust that individual in a marriage. Good luck! :)

Answer 6

Marriage is something sacred and I would want to feel 100% confident that he and I agreed on what marriage is and what we would be striving for. I would be mindful to work with him carefully so I would not set back any progress he made or add weight to the cross he was carrying. It would also be important for me to understand how active they were in their gay life (thoughts or actions).

Christopher West, author of "Good News about Sex & Marriage" writes this:

" ... Any other desire or attraction is like cold in the absence of heat, or darkness in the absence of light. Cold cannot "change" into heat. The presence of heat vanquishes cold. Darkness doesn't "Change" into light. The presence of light vanquishes darkness.

Similarly, homosexuals don't "change" into heterosexuals. Men and women simply become what they are. That is, as the sun rises in the cold and darkness, men & women who struggle with same sex attraction can and do experience warmth and light. The truth of sexuality can and does vanquish distortions of sexuality. ..... ..... .... We must remember, however, that it's precisely "the cross" from which we receive the power to "become what we are". This means suffering. This means dying to a lifetime of diseased ways of thinking and behaving. This means letting go of the very thing, perhaps, in which a person has posited his identity, and re-positing that identity in the death and resurrection of Christ.

This means "it ain't easy". I wouldn't want to imply that a person with same sex attraction could simply rid him or herself of it just by praying hard enough or having enough faith. For those who have experienced transformation, most will attest that it comes slowly and painfully. It comes only if a person is willing to pick up his or her cross every day. And sometimes the cross gets heavier before it gets lighter.

So the answer to the question ( can homosexuals change to heterosexual) with all proper clarifications, is yes. As numerous "former homosexuals" demonstrate, it is possible for a person even with predominate same-sex attraction, if he or she is willing and receives the proper counseling, to experience rightly ordered sexual attraction. This doesn't mean, for whatever reason, that it always happens. Nor is a person loved any less by God if he or she doesn't experience such a change.

But it is possible, and that should be a source of great hope for those who are seeking to overcome their struggle with same sex attractions. It should also be noted that clinical experience seems to demonstrate that to the degree a person has lived actively as a homosexual, it's more difficult to experience rightly ordered sexual desire. Conversely, those who experience the attraction but haven't acted on it usually experience transformation of their sexual desires more readily." (pgs. 151-152)

Answer 7

Homosexuality is a choice. If you are a true believer in Christ, have you ever sinned? Do you think that you would ever make the choice to do the same sin again, knowing that Christ shed his blood to pay the penalty for that sin?

I think that if you don't believe that homosexuality is a choice then you shouldn't marry that person until you have cleared up the problem of being double-minded about this issue.

Answer 8

Well first I would assume they are confused because someone attracted to both sexes is bisexual not homosexual.

don't know, I'd have to look at the individual. One thinks its so easy to make a snap judgment on a site like this with a made up scenario but real life just isn't that neat and tied with a pretty little bow.

Answer 9

I would definitely not marry them. Even if there's a chance that he's not still gay (which is slim...) you'd be living with doubt forever, no matter what everyone told you. And confusion like that in a life partner is never a good thing.

Despite all that, I don't believe that he's not gay anymore. That would basically imply that sexuality is a choice, and I've never believed that.

Answer 10

I would not. My reason is different from the others though. It is because of AIDS. The disease may not show itself for years then pop up. This disease is like a death sentence and is to be avoided at all cost. I would start easing myself away from this person except to have him as a friend. Tell him I am only interested in him as a friend.

Answer 11

I think that being a homosexual is not something that you choose so therefore it is not something that you can change about yourself. He may be trying to prove something by saying he is an "ex-gay"..maybe his family did not approve of his life style. I think it would be a bad decision to marry someone with this issue...it sounds like it would be a difficult thing to deal with....good luck!!!