what do i do about my 12 yr old son who is disrespectful now that he lives with his dad?

Question

his dad has been in and out of prison since he was five and just got out a few months ago and my son gave me such a hard time to go live with his dad that i finally relented when he got thrown out of church and school. He is home this wk for spring back and has been completely disrepectful to me, his sister and his step father who I have been with for nearly 7 years. I was so looking forward to seeing him and spending time with him but since he has been here he has just been awful to the family and I dont know whether to punish him like I would if he still lived with me or grin and bear it since he will only be here for a wk and I dont want him to leave hating me and not wanting to visit again

Answer 1

tell him his behavior is not acceptable, don't ever worry about him hating you - if i a a nickle for everytime my 24 yr old said he hated me when he was growing up i'd be rich but now we get along great & he knows everything idid made him a good respectable man. if that doesn't work smack him upside the head

Answer 2

I'm not sure there is an easy answer to this. I have experienced this with my nephew who is about the same age. He also gave his mom a hard time about living with his dad and she too finally gave in. Unfortunately, things didn't get better. She tried counseling only to have "Dad" lie during the sessions he was involved in. "Dad's" lying seems to be the major problem and his disrespect for her, which effects my nephews view of his mom. I firmly believe though that regardless if it is a week or two days he has to know the rules at Mom's house and if those are broken the punishment follows. He may not like it and may not want to visit for awhile, but in the long run, once the newness of living with Dad is over he will change his mind. Kids need rules and guidance and a 12-yr.old has no right to be disrespectful just because he thinks he can.

Answer 3

First of all, I want to say you are not alone in this crisis. I been there, well my child didn't disrespect me in my face. It was always behind my back. Mainly, his dis-respectfulness happen at school. No matter what, it still make you feel bad because you know you raised them better than that. All I can say for you is that our pray for you. Because can't no one tell you how to discipline or love your child.
I truly believe there is an epidemic going on with the young men in the world. Seem like a demon seed been put in their food. Don't get me wrong some girls have got a hold of this seed also but there are way more boys than girls that ate it. I will say this don't let something came out of you disrespect you. Girl, keep your head up and pray.

Answer 4

You need to lay down the law. Your son thinks he's the alpha male because his father hasnt been around (not your fault btw). If he continues to try to live with his dad, you can try to get a court order for sole custody with visitation for him, if he's been in and out of jail and your son is getting out of control I think you would have a good case. Your son sounds like he needs rules, structure and a kick in the *** from you. You're the parent, YOU make the choices. He will go to school, and if he doesnt do well there will be consequences. If he doesnt want to obey house rules, someone he may not want to follow laws and could end up in jail. Try enrolling him into some type of activity where there is a strong male influence and a team spirit. Football, baseball, basketball, soccer whatever. If you help him now it may prevent his life from getting worse in the future.

Answer 5

NOOO!!!! dont let him get away with disrespecting you and the rest of the family. If he has been disiplined before for it, then you must stick to your guns. He must realize that being rude and nasty only makes people not want to be around him. Show him how much fun you all could have by being nice to each other. Sit him down with the other parent and /or siblings and make sure that the rules are clear and you wont stand for his disrespectful attitude. We all cant get what we want ALL the time.

Answer 6

Try having a dispectful 12 yr old that lives with you because of his dad. I would have never allowed the child to go live with his dad no matter what.

My son goes to his dad's every other weekend thing and yes it is hard for him because our son learned to be angry just like his dad. I fight hard to make sure it doesn't get as bad as his dad and will continue to fight for my son. Of course, it can make our household crazy - my husband n I get into arguements about it but we work through them.

You are his mother and need to still punish him when he is in your care or else he will continue to walk all over you.

Answer 7

What's wrong with you??? Don't let your Son go back with his Father!!! So he gave you a hard time, so he got kicked out of Church School, even more of a reason you should have never let him go!! He is going to turn out just like his Father if you don't get him back under your roof and put your foot down with some damn good rules!! Of course you should dicipline him while he is home!! So what if he hates you! IT IS YOUR JOB AS A PARENT TO MAKE RULES AND INFORCE THEM, IF HE HATES YOU FOR IT, IT WILL ONLY BE TEMPORARY AND IT'S PART OF YOUR JOB AS HIS MOTHER!!! Get him back and only let him see his Father on the weekends and then if acts like he is now, he can stay grounded for a month and see if he doesn't change his attitude!! GET CONTROL OF YOUR SON!!

Answer 8

For 1 week or his whole life you are still his MOTHER. You need to show him some discipline. It sounds like his FATHER isn't the best role model for him. I would make him come home for good. You don't want him to follow in his fathers foot steps. Do You?

Answer 9

He shouldn't be living with his father. He likes it because his dad is "fun" he gets away with no rules, no restrictions. Your role as a parent is to instill those rules, you should not be their friend, you need to be their parent. He will follow in his fathers footsteps,......unless it is corrected now. You need to take control, or talk to his father, and shine some light on the fact that he needs structure growing up......or he will never find it.

Answer 10

He's disrespectful for a reason! Try asking him what is ging on before it gets worse. My father has been and out of my life growing up, that plays a big role in a child's life. He is your son, talk to him!