Dad is going through a midlife crisis, always mad and emotionally abusive to my mom, should she leave or stay?

Question

Since I was a kid my dad has always been emotionally abusive towards the family, now he is about to hit 60yrs and is always mad,yelling, and angry, doesn't work and expects my mom to wait on him hand and foot, she is literally his door mat! Should she stay or should she go? or should she make him go? Please help!

Answer 1

I never could understand why my mother didn't just pick up and leave my father, for this very same reason. Her explanation was that her marriage vows obligated her to stick by him.

Now I'm the wife who is a "victim" of a verbally/emotionally abusive spouse, and I can't just leave him. He didn't start out like this, and quite honestly I don't want to create more conflict by confronting him with his behavior. However, I now see the point my mother was trying to make several years ago -- You can't just allow marriage to deteriorate into a fleeting relationship. You marry with the intent of being together for life, in good times and bad, and you can't just abandon this guy that you still care for and don't want to see hurt.

I left my first husband years ago, but I was in my early 20th then. It's much harder when you are older, more set in your ways, and more accustomed to a modicum of financial security. Even if your mom is the breadwinner in the family, a divorce will create 2 households that need to be financed and maintained. It may be easier for your mom to just ignore your father. There is also insecurity - no one wants to be lonely, and friends don't always fill the need, dating is a difficult concept - I'm guessing your dad probably has mom convinced that she is a worthless hag - who wants to show that image to the world?

Let your mom know that you are supportive and ready to help if she does decide to leave. Make sure she starts creating a separate bank account and establishing credit in her own name -- and distancing herself from financial problems created by her spouse. While you wait for the big break, get mom involved in some creative outlet where she can can regain some self-esteem and confidence.

Of course, the final consolation is that your active mom will probably outlive your sedentary dad.

Answer 2

Your dad is an unhappy man, and I imagine your mom is too after being treated like a door mat during their marriage. After years of marriage sometimes people get stuck in situations and would rather be in an abusive situation than change it. Is your mom like this? If so, the problem is deep. They both need counseling. Will she leave him? What do you think? It's amazing what people will put up with.

Answer 3

This sounds like a bit more than a mid-life crisis. If it's been going on since you were a kid, then it's definitely a problem. Your mother deserves someone who will respect her, and she certainly DOES NOT for any reason deserve to be treated this way. She needs to get out of there.

If not, then she should at the very least get help. Marriage counselling or something....

Answer 4

well it is not up to you to decide, it is your moms decision. she must like it if she isnt doing anything about it. maybe your mom like the working and taking care of your dad. maybe your dad needs counceling. maybe your mom does too. you need to talk to your mom and askher how she feels maybe she needs help deciding what to do and you are the only that knows whats going on in the house. good luck.

Answer 5

she shuld get rid of him if that doesnt work and he doesnt go then she needs to leave.. she doesnt need to let him know where she is at. or anything as if she hasnt fallen off the face the earth! she shuld have left a long long long time ago!!! she shuldnt of put up wit that for so many years

Answer 6

You need to tell your mom how you feel about this. What does she want to do?

Answer 7

she should get him into a doctors office. he may have some physical probs. good luck!

Answer 8

Defintly go! cause it might get worst