How can I get my boyfriends mom to be more open minded?

Question

I'm 18 and female, dating a 16 year old. In the past, I've dated guys anywhere from a year older than me to 4 years older, and so naturally this is a huge change. It took me a while to get accustomed to, but I've finally learned to ignore the vast age difference and sexual stigmas that come with this. His insane mother hasn't at all learned to cope. She already had placed ridiculous rules for him to follow long before I came along. For instance, he has a bed time and he has to call her everytime he leaves somewhere as well as when he arrives at his destination, et cetera. In my opinion, such rules are a little strict in our society. What bothers me are the lengths she goes to to prevent us from hanging out. She's very obvious in her dissaproval of me, which is agitating as I'm articulate, intelligent, friendly and not at all in a position to corrupt her son. She treats me like **** because I'm not rich and I'm 18. How the hell do I get her to back off? Am I too far out of my element?

Answer 1

Well, I do not see why you want to make her broadminded person in order to accept you?!!! You shuld influence the boy to make his mum understand that he is no longer a little boy and shoud be treated as a respected person, etc., etc.

All the best!/

Answer 2

A couple of things:

1. You being 18 and he being 16 can hardly be described as a "vast" age difference. I'd been together with someone 20 years older and 8 years younger, THAT's perhaps a "Vast" difference, so don't kid yourself.

2. It is obvious that you have a hostile attitude towards his mother. I'd not be surpised if you let her feel it. Which would, of course, be counter-productive. You can't win against a mother, if I were you, I'd rather swollow my pride and make her my alliance partner.

3. You consider his mother insane because she set up rules for her son. Well, ask yourself who are to judge what is insane and what is right or wrong for other parents to do in terms of bringing up their children, I think you err.

4. You say that you are articulate and freindly, which I believe, but at the same time your tonnálity here sends a very different picture about your personality. Try to develop a more positive attitude.

5. Did she ever SAY that she disapproves of you because you are not rich? If you are intelligent and articulate, it is a piece of cake to win this sort of emotional attack against you.

6. Come on, who do you think you are to tell a mother to back off from her son? YES, you are way far out of your element.

Answer 3

In terms of the age difference, it's not a big deal. When your younger is seems like a lot, especially when one is a minor and the other is legally an adult. When you are 30 or 45, 2 years is nothing...and I suspect that the mother and her husband are likely at least that far apart.

Personally, I think that the fact you are 18 is just an excuse for the mother. I find it interesting that you mention that you think she treats you poorly because your not rich. That seems to suggest that his family is more affluent? If that is the case, that is likely the big problem for the mother. For some people, status and money is everything. Unfortunately, there isn't much a person can do to change that sort of attitude.

The best thing for your bf to do is get a backbone and say what rules are reasonable and what are not. As an example, having a curfew of 10pm on a school night may be reasonable, although perhaps not for a weekend. As for you, try to work within some of her more reasonable rules and prove that she is wrong about you. The best thing for you to do is still be nice to her when she isn't. At the best, it may change her mind about you. At worst (depending on your point of view), it will annoy the hell out of her.